


Heterotopia

by GerdavR



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Armitage Hux Needs A Hug, Eventual Smut, F/M, Hux Has Issues, Hux Whump, Idiots in Love, Leia is awesome, M/M, and he may even get it, rose has issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-10-26 00:11:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 28
Words: 75,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20733029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GerdavR/pseuds/GerdavR
Summary: General Hux is captured by the Rebels. He tries his best to resist interrogation... and a certain mechanic.





	1. Topos

**Author's Note:**

> Because I got such nice feedback in my past stories I did it again! I wrote another Gingerrose fic :D  
Many thanks to Sunny for the prompt and for betaing my story!! 
> 
> It's quite a self-indulgent fic with a lot of story ideas that I thought about in the other Gingerrose fics. I'm sorry. :3

The worst part was the humming. It wasn’t the scratchy clothes they had given him, nor the lack of privacy. It was the kriffing humming of the force field – the reddish energy wall was flickering slightly. Making a soft clicking sound every time the oscillator kicked in.

Hux slowly opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling of his cell. It was painted in the red light of the force field, he could see the rivets above him.

His limbs felt heavy, he was exhausted. But he already knew that he couldn’t sleep anymore. He reached over to the chair next to his cot and checked the small chronometer his jailers had left him. 5:22.

Kriff. The interrogator usually didn’t show up before 8:15 and the Rebel scum who brought him breakfast appeared around 7:30.

He stared again up at the ceiling. Slowly he began to count the rivets. Again.

It was 8:17 when the interrogator - a slim, fair-skinned human woman with blonde braids finally arrived. She put a chair in front of the cell, but unlike the past days she didn’t sit down. Instead she crossed her arms. 

“We decided to try something new since you won’t talk to me, Hux.”

He sneered at her, but remained silent.

The door to the detention center opened and a woman with grey-laced brown hair slowly stepped in. She used a crane while walking, but her posture was dignified. 

He crooked his eyebrow. So today General Organa herself would question him? That ought to be interesting. He sat up straighter.

Organa gave him a wry smile when she finally settled on the chair. “You look tired, General Hux.”

He scoffed. “Ren left me to die. I don’t think that the title is appropriate anymore.” For a moment he thought he could taste the spicy salt of Crait’s ground on his lips. Of course it was impossible, it had been weeks since the Resistance had picked up his broken form from that kriffing planet.

She tilted her head. “Something tells me that you wouldn’t approve if I called you Mr. Hux.”

She was right, of course. His whole life he had a rank, that had changed, of course. “‘Hux’s enough.”

“As you wish. You look tired, Hux.”

He grimaced. “So what?” He got up from his cot and stepped close to the force field. “I’m certain that your minion has already told you that interrogating me is useless. I won’t talk. You could save all of us a lot of time if you would just shoot me.”

Again she smiled. “I think you misunderstand us, Hux. We don’t execute our prisoners.”

“What?” His mind went blank for a moment. So they would just keep questioning him until he broke? Of course, it made sense. He was a valuable resource and it would be a waste just to off him. He lifted his chin in defiance. “I see.”

She sighed. “I don’t think you do. But that’s not necessary.” Her gaze hardened. “Three questions. Then I will leave you be for the reminder of the day.”

“What’s the catch?”

“Nothing, just talk to me.”

Organa was clearly playing a game of some sort. “What kind of questions?”

“Why are you still loyal to a leader who has left you to die?”

Ah, she wanted to understand him. Probably hoping to find leverage. Against his will he was intrigued. “I’m not loyal to Ren. I’m loyal to the Order.”

She leaned on her crane. “And why are you loyal to the Order?”

“Because the Galaxy is in chaos and we want to install structure, proper process and order. Did you know that the longest peace period the Core Worlds have known was under the Old Empire?” 

Organa just smiled at him. Odd. He had expected her to challenge his statement. Tell him that peace was a relative term and so on. Instead she just looked at him with this sad smile of hers. As if she were pitying him.

He clenched his hands to fists. How dare she? How dare she look at him like that?

She got up from the chair and gestured to the interrogator. “Lieutenant Connix?”

Connix stepped to Organa and gave her a rectangular dark object. Organa slowly walked closer to the force field and held the object up - it was a bundle of flimsi… no, no, it was a book. A real book.

“Have you ever read ‘The Metamorphosis’?”

He gaped at her. This was her third question? He squinted. “No, I’m not familiar with it.”

“Then I will leave it with you. I imagine being trapped in this cage is quite boring after so many days.” She handed the book back to Connix who quickly put it in the small metallic drawer on the lower left side of the cell. She pushed the drawer in and the box popped into the cell.

Hux crouched down and took the thin book in his hands. It was an old book, judging from the stains and the dog-ears it had been read many times.

He raised his head to meet Organa’s gaze. “Is this some self-righteous story that is supposed to show me the errors of my ways?”

She chuckled. It wasn’t a cold or hateful laughter, he registered. She sounded amused. “Of course not. This was simply one of the few actual books we have. We can’t give you a datapad, can we?”

“Datapad?” he asked. What was going on?

Organa pursed her lips. “We chose to treat our prisoners humanely. So I thought you would enjoy something to read while waiting for our next session.”

He stared at her. Was this some plot to get him to trust her? If so it was a rather weak attempt. The Order employed similar tactics, but the incentives were much more alluring than - he turned the book in his hands - than some outdated medium.

She turned to leave. He watched as she slowly walked out the door. Once the door had closed behind her he sat down on the cot and exhaled.

It would be a long day. Again. There were hours left before lunch and even more hours before the evening.

He looked at the book in his hand. Organa knew of course that he was bored out of his mind. She had presented him with only one option; and had disguised it as a gift. Smart. It seemed that the Resistance was much more subtle with their approach to break their prisoners.

He looked up to the camera at the far end of the room. He pressed his lips together. He wouldn’t give them the satisfaction to comply. He put the book down on the chair next to his cot - it was more of a nightstand than a chair at this point.

He managed to wait until the late afternoon before he used the toilet that was in the corner of his cell. He had never thought about it before, but knowing what his bodily functions were no longer private was uncomfortable.

After he had finished, he made an effort not to look at the camera. It was weak, silly. But he just couldn’t look at it after he had flushed.

This wasn’t how he had imagined that his life would end. Hux had never thought that he would die heroic in battle, but somehow he used to think that he could preserve his dignity.

After he had woken up in the Rebel’s medbay he had thought he could make grand gestures as they tortured him for intel. Laugh or spit at his interrogators. Hurl caustic comments at them… at least until he inevitably broke.

He had seen it often enough. Nobody could withstand torture - they all would break at some point. Cry and beg for mercy. A shiver ran down his spine as he recalled how Ren treated prisoners.

He woke with the soft clicking and humming of the force field. He reached over to the chronometer. 5:26.

He lay in the dim room, waiting for breakfast. He was almost relieved when one of the jailers brought him food - it gave him the feeling that time actually moved forward.

The jailer - a young dark-skinned human woman with short curly hair - put the tray in the metallic drawer. She watched him take it. Her face was a mask of disgust. Hux felt energized and sneered at her, hoping to get a reaction out of her. But it was as if she didn’t even see him, not really. She left and he sat down to eat.

The breakfast consisted of dry toast and something that was supposed to be caf but was nothing more than hot brown water. He didn’t mind. Back at the Order, he had hardly eaten breakfast at all.

8:14. Organa and Connix appeared again. He pulled his shoulders back and straightened himself.

“Good morning, Hux,” said Organa as she slowly sat down on the chair.

His lips twitched. “Good morning, General Organa.”

“I will again ask three questions,” she said and waited for a moment before she continued. “Is there another Starkiller Base somewhere in the Galaxy?”

He considered the question. “I decline to answer.” There wasn’t one, but she didn’t need to know that.

She chuckled. “I should have expected your response.”

He waited for her to continue.

“Who are the Knights of Ren?”

“I don’t know.” He had heard about them of course. But he hadn’t been particularly interested in things Force related.

“Would you like to go for a walk?”

Again she had caught him off guard. Would the last question always be something completely unrelated? He hesitated. He had been in this cell for a week now. A change of scenery was very appealing. And he could scout the surroundings. “Yes.”

She would refuse him of course, tell him that he had to answer the questions first. Another cheap tactic.

Organa got up from the chair and looked over her shoulder to Connix. “I leave the details to you, Lieutenant. Give him an hour outside.”

Hux narrowed his eyes. Why hadn’t she refused? Perhaps she was a shrewd tactician. She was probably playing the long game. Giving him small favours so that he would feel grateful towards her.

She hadn’t asked him about the book. That too had to be part of her plan. But what was it?

Organa left again. Connix returned about ten minutes later with two armed guards.

“I will lower the force field and we will shackle you. If you try anything, we will shoot,” Connix said.

“Understood.” There was no point in resisting. He didn’t know enough about the Base he was held in.

She went to a console and pushed a few buttons, the guard trained their blasters on him. The force field vanished and for a moment the silence was ear-deafening - finally the humming was gone. Hux almost closed his eyes to enjoy the moment.

Connix stepped in front of him. “Hold out your hands.”

He did as he was told and she put handcuffs on his wrists.

The way through the Base itself was unremarkable. It looked like every other underground installation he had been in; functional vents and controls every now and then. A couple of storage rooms and hangars.

He had expected to be stared at, but most of the Rebels they encountered on their way outside only glanced at him. He chewed on his lower lip. It had been silly to expect some kind of reaction. They probably already knew that he was their prisoner, some of them had perhaps caught glimpses of him in his cell with the camera.

Of course. He was nothing special without his rank and his uniform. He had been looking forward to getting out of the cell, but the realisation dimmed his mood.

Finally he could see the light in the far end of the hallways they were in. The dry recycled air was slowly being replaced by the aromatic smell of a forest, of plants and soil. It smelled like it had rained.

When they finally stepped outside he had to squint. The sun was just breaking through the clouds and blinded him after all the time in artificial light. After a few moments he had gotten used to the light, and he started to scan the surroundings with his eyes.

Dozens of people, humans and aliens, were scurrying over the airfield. They were busy delivering crates and refilling ships. He noticed with a frown that they weren’t wearing proper uniforms.

The Base itself was surrounded by a forest with large trees. A team of Rebels was busy pulling trees down - without doubt they wanted to expand the Base.

“You can walk in this corner of the airfield,” said Connix and gestured toward the area. “You have an hour.”

He nodded and started to slowly walk. The area itself was large, from the corner of his eye he saw that the armed guards followed a few steps behind him. He almost scoffed. As if he would run into the forest without a plan.

He decided to enjoy the moment before he had to return to his cell. He inhaled deeply, smelling again the earth taste of the soil and the plants around him. Even the occasional whiff of fuel didn’t bother him. And the lack of humming was nothing short of heavenly.

He felt the rays of sunshine on his face and wondered briefly when he had last seen the sun. Even before Crait it had been quite some time.

His thoughts returned to his situation. The forest didn’t give any cues on which planet they were. Perhaps one of the moons of Dxun VI? If so, there were predators in the woods.

As he already thought, he couldn’t just run away. Stars know where the next settlement was. No, he had to steal a ship from the airfield if he wanted to leave. Well, that could prove difficult. No matter, he just had to wait for an opportunity.

The hour was over far too fast and he reluctantly went back inside the Base. They walked down the same hallway when Connix suddenly said: “Stop.”

Hux crooked an eyebrow and turned to face her.

“Before we return you to your cell, you will take a shower.”

He looked at her, scanning her face for some hidden meaning. Why would they allow himself to shower when he had given them nothing? Was this another part of Organa’s scheme?

“This way,” said Connix and gestured towards a small hallway.

When Hux stepped into the shower room he tensed up. It was a common shower area with white tiles and several sonic shower heads. Memories of his Academy days resurfaced. The coppery taste of blood in his nose, the bitter taste of bile in his mouth.

He pressed his lips together. He knew that game. Soon the guards would leave him alone, then a few Rebels would happen to come in… Organa could deny all responsibility. An unfortunate incident, she would assure him. Then she would ask him her three questions again.

He lifted his chin as they uncuffed him. Well, he had seen it all. He wouldn’t break that easily. He noticed that his hands trembled a little when he started to undress. He could feel the gaze of the guards on his bare back, on his scrawny chest, on his thin legs.

Heat crept up his cheeks as he stepped into the shower and activated it. Anger and humiliation swept over him as he washed his hair and his face. He could almost hear them snicker behind his back. The infamous General Hux - a weak nothing.

When he finally finished, he noticed that the guards were still standing at the entrance. So no ‘surprise visits’? The guards even had the decency to talk quietly with each other while Hux got dressed. Giving him a little privacy. How odd.


	2. Rain

He had underestimated how much he dreaded the cell, the very sight of it made him feel uneasy. Of course he still stepped into it as soon as they had released him from the handcuffs. 

Connix activated the force field and moments later the humming resumed. That kriffing humming. It made him physically ill. 

“Are you alright?”

He jerked his head around and gaped at Connix.

“Are you alright?” she repeated. “You don’t look so good.”

He pulled himself together. “Of course I’m fine.”

She frowned, but she didn’t ask him again. Instead she left with the guards, leaving him alone with that kriffing humming.

He clenched his hands to fists. Why- why had she asked like that? Was it part of their interrogation technique? He had never encountered a technique like that - that’s probably why they were employing it against him. Yes, they wanted to throw him off.

He had underestimated Organa and the Rebels. Her smile, the lack of discipline… it was all a mask, of course. She was clever and sophisticated. Her front was ingenious.

If only Ren had a shred of her finesse! Kriff! No wonder that Organa still had a following after all these years.

He sat down. How could he counter her? He couldn’t refuse her offers… she clearly had time. Why else would she only ask three questions a day? No, he had to keep his strength up, be alert and take advantage until he knew what her endgame was.

He had been awake for three hours when Organa made her appearance in the next morning. He had tried to sleep longer, but once he was awake it was impossible to fall asleep again.

“Good morning,” Organa said before she sat down on her chair.

“Good morning, General Organa.”

“Who was the chief engineer on the Starkiller project?” He noticed that she held her crane in a firmer grip than before.

“I was.” It wasn’t exactly a secret.

“That’s what we heard too.” There was an edge to her voice. “What was Kylo Ren’s role in the destruction of the Hosnian system?”

“He had no hand in it as far as I’m aware.” He shifted on his cot. “It was a project from the First Order military branch. We had no use for Force users.” He wanted to add ‘Not that Ren had ever had any uses whatsoever,’ but he remained silent.

Organa slumped down on her chair. After a few moments she regained her usual posture and she smiled at him. “After you walk outside you could join our engineers for repair work if you would like. Or do you prefer to return to your cell?”

So the third question was always something to make him more comfortable? Was it a trap? Would they attack him once he was in Engineering? Should he decline?

His train of thought was interrupted when the oscillator clicked again. It was an opportunity to get out of here. “I would like to go to Engineering.”

It was raining when he stepped outside. It was a warm rain, more of a drizzle actually. The guards didn’t seem to mind and neither did he. Hux tried to recall when he had last felt rain on his face, it must have been months.

An old memory resurfaced. He was back on Arkanis, running through the rain with… someone, he couldn’t quite remember. He had been cold, drenched from the heavy raindrops. His shoes were also completely wet.

How odd that he thought about this memory now. And why couldn’t he remember who was with him?

One of the guards suddenly stepped next to him. The tall dark-skinned woman looked at him with an angry glare. He stopped in his tracks.

“You don’t deserve this. Any of this,” she hissed.

“Taking a walk in the rain? Indeed, nobody deserves to be treated like this.”

She stared at him with unveiled hatred in her eyes. “You think that you are funny, don’t you? I bet you also laughed when you killed all those people.”

“It’s war. People die,” he replied coldly.

The other guard - a bulky male Mirialan - stepped in. “Stop it, LaVelle.”

She turned to the guard. “It makes me sick, seeing him strutting around on our Base.”

He shrugged. “He is just another empty First Order uniform. If it hadn’t been him it would have been some other dude.” He gestured towards Hux. “You, continue walking.”

Hux decided that he wanted to make use of the scarce time he had outside and did as he was told. Behind him he could hear the guards talk.

“You are wasting your time with him,” the male guard said.

“Doesn’t it drive you crazy, standing next to him and doing nothing? Don’t you want to punch that asshole?”

“You realise that punching him wouldn’t bring Xarex back, right?”

Hux could hear a scoffing noise. “Of course. But it would feel good.”

“It wouldn’t change a thing besides that Hux would bitch about how we are hypocrites for beating him up. We are the good guys, remember?” The guard inhaled. “And besides, what did you think he would say?”

“I don’t know.” LaVelle sounded dejected.

“Waste of time and space that guy. Just another drone, spouting propaganda, thinking that he is better than the rest of the Galaxy. Don’t let him drag you down to his level.”

“Perhaps you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right. We shouldn’t talk to him at all. He would just try to provoke us with some cheap jibes - because that’s all dude’s got left.”

It irked Hux that they talked about him like he wasn't even there. At the same time he was at a loss for what to do - should he interrupt them? No, that was something Ren would do, and probably shouting childish insults. Tell them that he was not ‘a waste of time and space’? No, he wouldn’t dignify them with an answer.

Besides, if he was so unimportant, why did General Organa herself bother to interrogate him? The rain stopped, he ran his hand through his moist hair, slicking it back.

The moment they stepped into Engineering everyone in the room stopped what they were doing and glared at him. Hux felt uneasy, but he lifted his chin and arranged his face in a neutral expression.

Perhaps it had been a mistake. But on the other hand, every hour spent away from that humming cage was bliss. There was little doubt in his mind that they would give him menial work if they gave him something at all. Another stepping stone on his way into Organas trap.

A Ithorian approached them. “Lieutenant Connix informed me that you would be coming by.” He scanned Hux from head to toe with his eyes. “I won’t tolerate interruptions in my Department. If you act up, I will send you back in the brig.”

Hux crooked an eyebrow but didn’t say anything.

“Tico!” bellowed the Ithorian. “Come here. I got a new assignment for you.”

From the back of the room came a small woman with jet-back hair. She rubbed her oily hands on a dirty rag. “You called, boss?”

Hux narrowed his eyes. He knew her - he hadn’t recognized her in that brown jumpsuit at first, but it was the Rebel spy who had been on board of the _Supremacy _together with the traitorous FN-2187.

“Take him and give him something to do. Just like we discussed.”

She stuffed the rag in one of her pockets. “Alright.”

The other workers slowly returned to their work. The Ithorian turned and left as well, leaving Tico, the guards and Hux alone.

“Come on, I’ve prepared something,” said Tico and led them to a workbench in the far back of the room.

She crossed her arms. “You can solder these motherboards, do you need me to tell you what to do in more detail?”

Hux glanced at the box with motherboards and the chips, CUP sockets and DIL sockets lying next to it. Even a child knew what to do. He scoffed. “Of course not.”

She popped a chewing gum in her mouth. “Great.” She turned to the guards. “You can just shackle his leg to the workbench. The soldering iron is too weak to cut through the cuffs.”

The guards did as they were told; they waited until he sat at the workbench, then they bound him to it. LaVelle shot him a withering glare before they left.

Rose chewed the gum. “I will be over there, working on some other stuff. Call me if you need something.”

He sat up straight and didn’t say anything. He had questions, of course; how long was he supposed to work? What were the motherboards for? Why wasn’t she bothered to have him near her after he had ordered Phasma to kill her and FN-2187?

She grabbed a hydro-spanner from her tool belt and went over to an engine block sitting on another workbench. It appeared to be an ion-pulse fighter propulsion system from what he could tell.

It didn’t matter. At least he had something to do besides sitting in a cage. He grabbed the first motherboard and put it on the workbench. By the stars! How old was that thing? It looked like scavenged Old Empire tech.

He looked at the chips and sockets - they weren’t state of the art either. In fact they were ancient by Hux’s standards. This was what the Rebels worked with? How in the galaxy had they managed to survive until now?

He activated the soldering iron and started to work. Moments later he had lost himself in the work, he raised his head only when he heard someone approach. 

It was the Ithorian, he held a steaming mug with caf in his hand. He brushed past Hux and put it on Tico’s workbench.

“You missed break-time again, Rose.”

She beamed at him. “Huh, time really flies sometimes. Thanks for the caf!”

Hux frowned. The Ithorian was her superior, it didn’t make sense that he would bring her caf. But then again this was the Resistance - they had no discipline.

The Ithorian left, he didn’t even cast a glance at Hux.

Tico leaned back in her chair and blew on the hot caf. “You have been at it for hours, Hux. Need anything?”

He grimaced. “No.”

“Gotta admit that you surprise me. I kind of expected you'd tell me that you’re too good for this kind of work.”

He pulled down the corners of his mouth. “I knew what to expect when General Organa asked me if I wanted to work here.”

“Then why did you agree?” She took a gulp.

He shrugged. “I was bored.” He chewed on his lip. “Why did you agree to guard me?”

“I haven’t forgotten about the _Supremacy _in case that’s what you’re asking. General Organa asked me to because nobody else wanted to see your pasty face all day.”

Hux got the feeling that there was more to it, but he didn’t know why. Perhaps it had been the accented casualty when she talked about it? She wasn’t supposed to be so indifferent. It annoyed him. “You weren’t this calm when I ordered Phasma to kill you.” It was senseless to provoke her, but he couldn’t stop himself.

“She wasn’t that calm either when Finn killed her,” she retorted.

“I don’t believe you! She-”

She banged the mug on the workbench. Caf sloshed over its brim. “Nobody cares what you believe!” She pulled the dirty rag from her pocket and swiped the caf on the workbench up. “You aren’t even a real sentient being. You are but a puppet, dangling on strings pulled by some puppeteer.”

He was surprised at her outburst and couldn’t think of a good comeback.

“Now go back to work!” she hissed.

He felt anger well up in his chest but he decided to keep quiet. She had the upper hand at the moment - there was no point in antagonizing her further. He had heard worse insults after all.

He turned around and continued the work, losing himself once again in the process.

Lunch consisted of a sandwich and a green fruit he wasn’t familiar with. The Mirialan guard brought it to him and also took him to the refresher after. Hux noticed that Sergeant Tico was also eating at her workplace, chewing slowly on some kind of bar while continuing to work.

When the guards came to pick him up in the late afternoon he noticed that his back hurt. How long had he been working exactly? Tico was still working on the engine when he was led out of the workshop. She didn’t say a word to him.

Back in his cell he checked the chronometer. It was 18:13. Almost time for dinner. LaVelle brought him a tray with food a few minutes later. It was some kind of stew that was too spicy for his taste. After eating a few spoonfuls he pushed the tray away from him and laid down on the cot. 

He stared again at the rivets at the ceiling. It had been an eventful day - at least measured by the past days - and it bugged him. 

Only weeks ago he had thought he was destined to become one of the most powerful men in the Galaxy, and now he was reduced to this. And he complied. Kriff. He really complied!

Weak. Thin like a paperslip and just as easy to rip apart. He was supposed to be strong, unbreakable.

But what was the point to refuse everything Organa offered him? But perhaps that was it… it wasn’t about sense and logic. It was about principles. He pressed his lips together. He should have declined all her offers out of principle. That’s what his father had taught him after all.

He sat up and his sight fell on the book Organa had given him. He took it. It would be so easy to tear it apart, show her what he thought about her manipulations. Throw it back in her face.

He opened the book and caressed the old flimsi with the tips of his fingers. He noticed that there were words underlined and someone had scribbled a question mark next to a paragraph.

His curiosity was piqued. He turned a few pages. It seemed that all comments and questions were made by the same handwriting. Was it Organa’s own handwriting? No, that couldn’t be. She would hardly give her enemy something of her own.

Or would she?


	3. Tea

The humming accompanied him again from the crack of dawn until Organa showed up.

“Good morning, Hux.”

“Good morning, General Organa.”

“I hear you worked yesterday quite diligently with Sergeant Tico. So I made the arrangement permanent. In case you change your mind, you can either tell Lieutenant Connix or Sergeant Tico.”

“I will,” he said. He was too meek, he thought. Why was he so tame towards her? Was it the calm authority she radiated? He felt a flicker of pride that she deigned to question him herself.

“Who developed the Hyperspace tracker?” She asked.

“It’s a project started by the Old Empire. We finished what they started.”

“Who was responsible for that project in the First Order?”

“I was.”

Her usual smile faltered a little. She looked at him and there was something in her eyes he couldn’t quite interpret. It wasn’t anger, but it was something oddly familiar.

Now she would ask a personal question about him. At least when she would follow her usual pattern. He sat up a little straighter.

But she only sat there, looking at him with this strange something in her eyes. Then she stood up, firmly grabbing her crane. She turned to leave.

He got up from his cot. “No third question?” he asked, unable to hide his surprise… and, oddly enough, his disappointment.

She turned to face him, scanned him with her eyes as if she saw him for the first time. “Do you prefer caf or tea?”

“Tea. I especially like Tarine tea.”

Organa nodded. “Lieutenant, please see to it that they add tea to his breakfast.”

“Yes, sir,” replied Connix.

Hux looked after them as they left. She had gotten in his head. He had actually felt disappointed when she didn’t pose her last question. But the way she had looked at him… if it was all an act she was possibly the best actress he had ever seen. And what was her endgame? What did she hope to achieve?

Well, there was no point in racking his brain about it. He would find out eventually.

The sun was shining outside. Hux slowly walked across the airfield, staring from time to time at the forest. The trees looked familiar, he had read about them a long time ago. But he couldn’t quite remember their name. He wondered if everybody who has lived most of their life on board a starship couldn’t identify plants and trees.

His musings were interrupted by a male voice. 

“Hugs! There you are!” A man in an orange pilot outfit with dark curly hair approached him with a broad grin on his face.

Hux frowned. What the-

“I heard that you were on the Base somewhere, I’m so sorry I didn’t have time to drop by to say hi!”

Suddenly he recognized the voice. It was that impertinent pilot that had fooled him. Mocked him by mentioning his mother! How had he even known about her?

“Commander Dameron, I’m surprised that you would find time to gloat,” he hissed. “I thought you would be busy finding new recruits to send on suicide missions.”

“The last time I checked we blew your dreadnaught up. I would call that a successful mission, Hugs.”

“One day your luck will run out, Commander. One day you will be back on a torture rack, and there will be nobody to stop Ren this time. He will tear through your mind until you cry, until you beg him to stop - oh, wait… that already happened, didn’t it?”

“You mean right before one of your precious Stormtroopers busted me out? Yeah, I seem to recall that your hospitality was a little lacking.”

“Well-”

“Time is up,” interjected the tall male guard. “Back inside, Hux.”

“Come on, Unamo,” said Dameron, “already?”

“You can bicker with him tomorrow,” said LaVelle.

Dameron pointed at Hux. “Saved by the bell.” Then he strutted away.

Hux scoffed and went back in.

They shackled him again to the workbench. Tico only shortly looked at him before she continued her work. He began his own work.

Although it was mind-numbing simple it felt good to do something productive. After a few hours the box with the motherboards was empty. He turned to look at Tico.

She was staring at the engine, rubbing her temples. He cleared his throat. She didn’t look at him.

“Sergeant Tico,” he said.

She blinked and looked up. “Huh?”

“I have completed my assignment.”

She came over and checked the motherboards. “Seems like you have done a good job.”

He scoffed. “It was easy enough. The tech is ancient.”

She put her hands on her hips. “Not everybody can afford the slickest new tech, Hux.” She realised that she stood quite close to him and took a step back. Did she honestly think he would attack her?

He glanced at the engine on her workbench. “Care to tell me what you‘re working on?”

“We‘re using any tech we can find. Which means that‘s hard to find replacement parts. I‘m trying to figure out how to replace old Nx-chips with new ones.”

“Is that even possible? The discrepancy between the-”

She crossed her arms. “Of course I know that the newer power units aren‘t compatible. Contrary to what you might think, we‘re not idiots.”

“But it‘s completely moronic-,” in the middle of the sentence he broke off. There was no point in arguing with her. “Just give me something to do.”

She went back to her workbench and returned with a box of chips and a scanner. “You can check if the chips are burnt out or not.”

He sighed and took the scanner. She returned to her workplace. He could hear how she rummaged in a drawer, then he heard a few metallic clicks and soft music started to play. He glanced over his shoulder.

“Music helps me think,” she said.

He decided not to comment and continued his work. The music was rather quiet, but he could still hear it, it was obviously a popular tune with a rather simple chorus. The text was Huttese; he couldn‘t understand it. Judging from the melody, it was probably a love song.

They worked in silence, the only sounds were the beeping of Hux‘s scanner, and the murmuring of the other workers. And, of course, the music. It changed from corny to melancholy and back to corny. Hux didn‘t know any of the songs.

After he had finished the scans he turned again to ask her for more work. She was installing chips in the engine. Her lips moved silently to the songs; she was singing along.

“Sergeant Tico.”

She looked up. “Finished already?”

“I‘m not used to work slowly.”

She stretched until her joints clicked. “It‘s break-time. I‘ll give you more work after.” 

He straightened his back, it hurt a little. The chair was too low for a man of his height. He stretched some more as he watched her go to her co-workers in front of the repair room.

He turned on his chair as much as it was possible with the shackled leg and looked at the engine Tico was working on. Hm, was it a Twin-Pulse-F3? If so, it would need Zeta-Nx chips…

“Here you go,” said Rose, and put a steaming mug of caf on his workbench.

He looked from the mug she was holding in her hand to the one standing on his workbench. She- she had brought him caf? Why?

He shifted in his chair. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she waved off. “So far you seem motivated. I‘ll give you a bunch of stuff to do. Should last until the end of the week.”

She put at least seven boxes of chips, old motherboards and power conduits next to him. 

He took a gulp of caf, expecting it to be as horrible as the morning caf he got with his breakfast; but to his surprise, it was a creamy, aromatic blend.

She seemed to notice the surprised expression on his face. “This is the good stuff, not the swill they serve in the mess hall. Chodo - that's the boss, by the way - Chodo Raabat makes sure that we get the good stuff. He says that a good mechanic runs on caf like a well-oiled machine.”

He didn't reply. Instead, he took another gulp. 

Hux sat in his cell, waiting for dinner. He was tired and felt a headache coming on. He wasn’t sure if it was the humming or his back that caused it. He massaged his neck; it seemed to help a little.

That kriffing humming, was it his imagination or was it louder than the day before? Perhaps there was something wrong with the force field? He was certain that it wasn’t supposed to be this loud.

Should he ask them to check it? Wait… what if this was part of Organa’s plan to wear him down? Yes, yes, that could be. It was subtle but very efficient. They would wait for him to ask for their help, then they would fix it… manipulating him to be even more grateful towards them on a subconscious level.

That was why Tico had brought him caf, and that’s why Organa had told Connix to bring him tea in the morning.

He rolled his shoulders back. The headache was still there.

His thoughts returned to the conversation with Organa. The way she had looked at him after he had admitted that he had been in charge of the Hyperspace tracker. It was as if for a moment her friendly mask had slipped. But it hadn’t been anger he had seen, that much he knew. It had been something else, perhaps desperation. Or sadness.

He massaged again his shoulders.

But that didn’t make any sense. Anger he could understand, disgust even more so. Why would the leader of the Resistance be sad when talking to him? He was probably misinterpreting things.

The door opened and the guard - Dameron had called him Unamo - appeared with a food tray in his hands. He put the tray in the metallic drawer and waited for Hux to take it out before he left again. He didn’t say a word.

Hux lifted the lid that was placed over the plate. It was bogweed pasta with purple sauce - probably Jogan fruit sauce. He was hungry but he cautiously combed through the food until he was sure that there were no hidden pebbles or needles in it. To his surprise he didn’t find any - up until now at least. Perhaps they would wait until he let his guard down. They had probably only spit in the food.

Slowly, he began to eat.

About an hour later LaVelle appeared and took his tray. She didn’t talk to him either, of course. There was nothing to say. 

At least his headache was gone for now. Perhaps he had only been hungry and thirsty. He checked the chronometer, it was 20:03. He had about two hours before they turned the lights off.

His gaze fell on the book. Up until now he had ignored it… he looked up to the camera on the ceiling. He didn’t like that he was doing what they wanted, but he was bored. And wasn’t he too cunning to fall for simple manipulation anyway? It wouldn’t hurt to have a second look.

He took the book and opened it.

When the lights were turned off by his jailers, or rather by their automated system, he sighed and put the book on the chair next to his cot. It was a rather short story and he had already read about half of it. It was an odd tale about a man who was turned into a bug. Hux wasn’t sure what the point was - was it supposed to be a cautionary tale?

What had intrigued him were the handwritten question marks and words a previous reader had written in the book. Like ‘why no pupation?’ or ‘freedom?’. He wondered if it was Organa. Somehow he couldn’t picture her writing in a book.

What was odd is that despite everything, there was something in it that resonated with Hux. He didn’t know why. It wasn’t something he was comfortable reading; he didn’t like the scenes with the family and how they talked about the bug.

He got the feeling that the tale had a deeper meaning, but he couldn’t understand it. Curious. Perhaps he had to read it again once he had finished… or perhaps everything would become clear at the end? Hm, somehow he doubted it.

He woke up as early as always - he had dreamed about something, but he couldn’t remember what. He had been on the _Finalizer_… no, on Starkiller Base. Someone had been with him. He rubbed his eyes. It had been some time since he had last dreamed - his usual stims had made sure that his sleep was undisturbed. 

He went to the small sink and washed his face with water. Then he started to stretch.

Perhaps this was the reason why he slept so restless? The First Order medics had warned him about using stims too much. No, no, it was that damn humming. 

He stared at the reddish force field as he started push-ups and squats. He started panting after a short while, it had been too long since he had last exercised. Perhaps this would help later with the back ache in the repair shop.

As he tried to do another push-up he could almost feel a large meaty hand on his neck. ‘Don’t you dare to stop, boy!’

He started to feel angry and he stopped the exercises. Silly. Weak. He would just ask Tico to- no, no, he couldn’t show weakness. She would probably just laugh at him, tease him.

His mood didn’t improve until breakfast arrived. The smell of tea rose to his nose and he blinked in surprise. He had forgotten about Organa’s promise. He inhaled the scent of the tea - it smelled like Tarisian Green tea.

He shouldn’t have asked for Tarine tea. Stupid. Of course they wouldn’t have it, it was rather expensive after all. He could feel himself blush.

The tea was a huge improvement to the brown water that passed as caf in the local mess hall. Hux was enjoying every sip of it and wasn’t finished when Organa turned up.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning, General Organa.”

She sat down with a groan. From the way she moved he wasn’t the only one with back aches.

“I see you enjoy the tea,” she said with a thin smile on her lips.

He nodded. “It is a welcome change after that so-called ‘caf’ you served me.”

She laughed. It was an unexpected sound, it sounded almost warm, it reminded Hux of something buried deep down in his memories. It almost felt like he had heard it before, it reminded him of... sunshine.

“You are not the first to complain.”

He sat up straighter. “I’m not complaining.” He wasn’t - he had just offered a general observation.

Her smile faded. “You said that you were in charge of the Hyperspace tracker programme. Are there more of them?”

The _Supremacy _had an advanced prototype, it was destroyed now. In time they would build more. “I decline to answer.”

“Who gave the order to shoot down the rescue pods over Crait?”

“I did.”

She stared at him, the warmth from before was now completely gone. It almost felt like the room was colder than before. “You did,” she repeated slowly.

He frowned. She sounded surprised, but he didn’t know why. Perhaps she had thought that it had been someone else? Ren perhaps?

“By the stars, you don’t even understand why I’m asking.” She leaned back in the chair.

“I assume you want to establish who the commanding officer was.”

“Or perhaps I’m hoping for a shred of guilt. Any sign that you regret what you did.”

He shifted his weight. “You were right in your assessment; I don't understand. We are at war, I gave an order to destroy my enemies. Why should I regret doing my duty?”

“Killing defenseless people is hardly a duty.”

“It’s war. You would have done the same if the roles were reversed.”

“No,” she said and banged the tip of her crane on the floor. “We wouldn’t have mowed down fleeing soldiers! We wouldn’t have shot down ships who were drifting in space after their fuel had run out!”

Hm, a hypocrite to the last. Was he really supposed to believe that she wouldn’t have taken advantage of this opportunity? 

She looked at him, neither of them spoke. Finally she cleared her throat. “Would you like more books to read?”

It might prove interesting to see if the other books she offered had handwritten notes too. “Yes, please.”


	4. Rabid Cur

It was warm outside, from the forest Hux could hear a cacophony of animal sounds. Birds mostly. The Base itself had to be here for a long time if the wild animals weren’t bothered by it anymore.

Unamo and LaVelle were quietly talking to each other. Up until now they had remained silent in his presence. Perhaps they were becoming bored and unguarded? He tried to listen to what they were talking about while pretending to stare out in the woods.

“... it’s a good idea,” said Unamo.

“I don’t know. We shouldn’t waste our time with stuff like this. We need to stay vigilant and-”

“Even in war we need a break. It’s good for morale.”

“Uh, perhaps you’re right. I bet it was Poe’s idea,” said LaVelle in an affectionate voice. “A singing event… who else would come up with something like that?”

Ah, they were only talking about work-free time. Dameron was right of course, studies showed that light social activities had positive effects on morale and motivation. That’s why he had implemented regular work-free time for the Stormtroopers.

Thinking of Dameron; it seemed he wouldn’t show up today. Hux had half expected him to continue their spat.

Unamo chuckled. “See, you are starting to like the idea too.”

“Alright, alright. Perhaps this will be fun.”

“Are you going to participate?”

“You know what? Perhaps I will. I used to sing back home. What about you?”

“Absolutely not. We used to sing when we went down to the mines but I always sucked at it.”

So Unamo was a mine worker? Not even a proper soldier? But then again he already knew that the Resistance was made up mostly from civilians. Only the upper brass seemed to have military background.

It made sense of course, this way they could lead easier. The possibility of a coup was certainly smaller. The drawback was of course the lack of training.

“Come on, Hux. Your time is up,” said LaVelle in a louder voice.

Sargeant Tico only briefly nodded at him when they brought him in the repair shop. He sat down and started to work.

After a while Chodo Raabat came by.

“How are you doing, Rose?”

She groaned. “I feel that I’m _this _close to solve it. But I need to-” she broke off and slammed her hand on the table. 

Hux was startled and jerked his head around. Tico was grinning from ear to ear.

“You know what! I just solved it!”

She had solved it? She had found out how to replace these ancient Nx-chips with new ones? That- that was impossible.

“Check this out,” she said and showed Chodo something Hux wouldn’t see from his workplace.

“I see!” said Raabat. “That’s brilliant, Rose!”

“How did you do it?” Hux blurted out before he could stop himself. He shouldn’t have asked, stupid. She would only tease him about it, tell him to figure it out himself if he was any good. He could feel himself getting angry. Then she would mock him for-

“Here.” Tico came over to him and showed him a tiny chip with an augmentation slot on it.

His anger vanished instantly, instead he gaped at the chip.

“You combined the Nx with a Fl one,” he said more to himself. Instead of searching for an access port for that incompatible tech she had used the Nx as an access port, with a little down-tuning of the Fl… she had really done it!

Raabat was right, she was brilliant. This was supposed to be impossible and she had done it! She was still smiling, then she turned around and went back to her workbench.

Hux was still staring at her. Where had she received her engineering education? How long had she been working on this?

Raabat patted her on the shoulder. “You should the rest of the day off - to celebrate! I hear the lake is quite nice now.”

She shrugged. “Took me long enough. I got work to do. Perhaps I will go to the lake later.”

“I think it would be good for you to get out of here more.”

She crossed her arms. “I can’t. There is too much to do.”

Raabat looked for a moment as if he wanted to say something, but then he just nodded and left.

“How long have you worked on the chips, Sergeant?” asked Hux.

She brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. “About a five days.”

Only five days? How was that possible? “And where did you earn your degree?” Corellia perhaps? The CorTech academy was quite renowned after all.

She frowned. “Degree? What in the galaxy are you going on about?”

“Your Engineering degree. At which Academy were you?”

“I don’t have a degree, I’m more self-taught.”

“But how-”

“I was always good with tech and I picked up stuff as I worked on engines.” She leaned back in her chair. “Do you have a degree?”

“I graduated form the First Order Engineering Division, we don’t have degrees, only ranks.”

“Huh,” she just said. What did you mean by that?

Hux shifted on his chair. He was curious about her background but he didn’t know how to broach that subject. He turned around and continued with his work.

Moments later quiet music started to play. It was the same kind of corny music that she had listened to the last time. 

After the shower he was put in the cell again. He checked his chronometer, there were only minutes left to the dinner. There was no point in starting to read the book - come to think of it. Organa had promised him another one but it hadn’t been delivered to him yet. Well, it didn’t matter.

While he waited he tried to ignore the humming. But he couldn’t suppress hearing it. He started to feel unwell. In an attempt to block it out he covered his ears with his hands, it helped only a little.

“What are you doing, Hugs?”

Hux tore his hands down and directed his gaze towards the door. It was of course Dameron. He held a tray in his hands. Hux gritted his teeth.

“Nexu got your tongue?” Dameron asked and stepped closer. He put the tray in the metallic drawer and put his hands on his hips.

“Come on, what were you doing right now?”

Hux lifted his chin. “Nothing.”

Dameron gestured to the tray in the drawer. “Don’t you want to take your dinner?”

Hux dropped his gaze to the drawer. He was hungry but he didn’t trust Dameron. Slowly he pulled the drawer inside and took the tray out.

“Why are you here, Commander?” Hux sat down on the bed and put the tray next to him.

“I’m curious why General Organa wastes her time with you. I thought coming here might shed some light on things.” He took the chair Organa usually sat on, and put it backwards in front of Hux’s cell. He sat down and put his arms on the backrest.

“Why don’t you just say that you want to gloat?”

“What’s there to gloat? You were discarded by the new Supreme Dork. There is no fun in kicking somebody who’s already down.” Dameron flashed a grin. “But I admit it’s fun to see you getting mad.”

Hux wanted to respond, but he couldn’t think of a good comeback. The humming was still there and he could feel a headache coming on.

“Is it true that they called you ‘rabid cur’ back in the Order?”

Hux knew of course. They had called him that since the Academy, since someone had told his peers about his heritage. Cur, mongrel and bastard. “Of course.”

“It’s curious, isn’t it? From what our intelligence gathers you were the head of the Weapon Development Department, highly intelligent and ruthless - why ‘rabid cur’?”

He knew. He had to know. That’s why he brought up his mother before the battle of D’Qar. He just wanted to hear it from him, force him to admit it himself.

“You don’t strike me as someone who would bite the hand that feeds him,” continued Dameron. “And according to a trusted source, you weren’t even that unpopular with the Troops.”

That last statement made Hux narrow his eyes. Internal Security had told him as much in their weekly reports, but he had never believed it. He just assumed that the IS wanted to suck up to him.

“Trusted source? You mean that traitor FN-2187?”

“His name is Finn.”

Interesting. Dameron almost sounded insulted.

“You didn’t answer the question, Hugs. Why would they call you ‘rabid cur’?”

Hux massaged his temple. “You already know.” He felt tired.

“What?”

“Don’t act surprised. You know. I have a headache, my dinner is probably already cold and I will be shot sooner than later. Can we wrap this up?”

Dameron looked confused. “What are you talking about? Nobody is going to shoot you.”

“Really? I’m supposed to believe that you won’t kill me the moment you have no use for me?” Hux scoffed. “Just because I’m a lowly bastard it doesn’t mean that I’m simple-minded.”

“What are you talking about? I thought you were the son of-”

“By the stars! Yes, my father was Brendol Hux, but my mother was some dim-witted servant who managed to get knocked up. There! Now I said it.”

“I didn’t know,” said Dameron wide-eyed.

“Yeah, right. That’s why you told me that you had an urgent communique concerning my mother. Because you didn’t know.” Hux lifted the hood that was placed over the plate. It looked like some kind of soup. It was probably lukewarm at best.

“I didn’t know,” repeated Dameron. “I was playing for time and just made it up.”

Hux didn’t deign to answer. Odd. Dameron sounded almost contrite.

“Besides, who cares about these things anyway?” Dameron cleared his throat. “Nobody cares about it. Absolutely nobody.”

“From an eugenic point of view, it matters,” said Hux quietly. He didn’t know why he was still talking to Dameron. Perhaps because it didn’t matter anymore, he was finished anyway. “She was too dense to get rid of me when she still could. Well, she paid for her mistake in the end.”

Dameron didn’t say anything, he looked almost pale, but Hux couldn’t say for certain because of the reddish force field.

“Nexu got your tongue?” asked Hux bitterly. “Isn’t that what you came here for? To make me say these things?”

Dameron got up and put the chair back where it had been.

“Leaving already?” sneered Hux. “Don’t you want to hear how my father killed my useless mother? How she begged him, how she pleaded for her life just before he shot her in the head?”

Dameron crossed the room to get to the door.

“Weak! She was weak and thick like a brick!” Hux yelled after him. “Now tell me about that urgent communique, Commander!”

Dameron was out of the room before Hux could finish his sentence. His heart hammered in his throat and he felt sick. He ran his hand through his hair and noticed that his breath had become ragged. Tears stung in his eyes. 

Annoyed he wiped over his eyes. He couldn’t understand why he had gotten so worked up. His mother had been stupid and weak. There was no point in getting agitated over her.

He paced back and forth for a few moments until he had calmed down. Then he sat down and ate the cold soup.

That evening nobody came to retrieve the tray. Hux placed it into the drawer and lay down on the bed to read but he couldn’t focus on the text. Instead he revisited the conversation with Dameron again and again.

He shouldn’t have yelled. He should have stayed calm. Again he had failed to preserve his dignity.

At the same time, there was this strange hollow feeling in his chest. He couldn’t really remember his mother. Only bits and pieces. Her head in a pool of blood, her voice thick with tears saying _‘please’_...

_‘A dumb wench,’ _had his father said. _‘I guess she looked passable enough for a diversion. You’re lucky that I decided to take you with me, boy. You would have ended up as an uneducated servant. Don’t you ever forget that.’_


	5. Water

LaVelle brought him breakfast the next morning. She frowned when she discovered the tray from the evening before.

“I don’t think that Commander Dameron will visit me anytime soon again,” said Hux dryly.

“Did he bring you the dinner yesterday?” she asked. 

Clearly she didn’t know about it. “Yes.”

She cursed under her breath. “By the seven gates of chaos.”

LaVelle left rather quickly, leaving Hux with his breakfast alone. Again he enjoyed the tea, for a moment it almost seemed as if the humming was silenced when he closed his eyes and sipped the hot beverage.

Organa greeted him like always and eyed the chair for a moment before she sat down.

“I hear you had a visitor last night,” she said in a kind voice.

He grimaced. “Commander Dameron didn’t seem to like what he heard.”

“Indeed. But we can’t only listen when we hear agreeable things.”

What an interesting choice of words. He didn’t know what he had expected her to say but it was most certainly not this. He noticed that Connix shifted behind Organa as if she wasn’t comfortable.

“Is there a way to disable the hyperlane tracker remotely?”

“I decline to answer.” An interesting inquiry. Hux didn’t even know… theoretically it should be possible. Every system had a weakness. Now that he thought about it - its biggest strength was possibly its greatest weakness. After each jump they tracked the Rebels would know where the First Order Fleet would appear next. From a tactical point of view this would mean-

“A credit for your thoughts.”

Hux blinked in surprise. He had almost lost himself in his musings. He cleared his throat. “Your next question, please.”

“What’s the Order’s new capital ship?”

“Ren transferred to another Super Dreadnaught - the _Vengeance_.”

“How many Super Dreadnaughts does the Order have?” She was almost sitting on the edge of her seat.

Hux licked his lips. She had asked her third question. He had expected that it would be again about him. Silly. Of course she wouldn’t ask about him. “I decline to answer.” As far as he knew they had only two left. The _Vengeance _and the _Wrath_.

She had a surprised look on her face. What had she expected? “Ah, it seems that I got carried away,” she said slowly. “Well, I brought another book.”

She gestured to Connix, who brought a small book in a dark leather cover to the metallic drawer. Hux took it out and read the title: “The Royal Game”.

“I’m afraid that’s the only novel I have left. It might be a little inappropriate given your current situation, but… well, perhaps you can still enjoy it.”

“There isn’t much else to do,” he said.

“True.” She glanced over her shoulder to Connix. “Take him to the lake during his time outside.”

“Yes, sir.”

The guards brought him to a different exit from the Base, when he stepped outside he noticed that the trees were a lot closer to the Base. From a distance he could see glittering water.

About ten minutes later they had arrived at a large lake, it looked like it was about 100 km² big. At least. There were people laying on the small beach and the grass, glistening from bathing in the lake. A tall Togruta was just wading into the water, with a huff she finally submerged and started to swim.

The water was blueish-green where the sun rays fell on it and dark green in the shadows of the forest. The sky was blue and it was warm.

“Go closer to the bank,” said LaVelle. “I don’t want to lurk in the shadows.”

Hux did as he was told but he tensed up the closer they came to the water. They stood on a small cliff, about a meter from the surface of the lake. He didn’t like that he couldn’t properly see the ground in the water. It was difficult to estimate how deep it was.

“Man, I kind of want to go for a swim,” groaned Unamo. “Too bad that we’re on duty.”

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” said LaVelle. “It gets me every time.”

It was, it reminded Hux of Naboo. Or the lakes of Arkanis.

“Yeah,” said Unamo. “And the temperatures rising it’s going to be a great place to make a fire or something. I hear the kitchen got a shipment of flutterplumes - we can roast them on a split.”

Hux had never tasted flutterplume, from what he heard it was good. Wooden splits were tricky though. There was a danger that they could split when not whittled properly.

“Oh, imagine that. Roasted flutterplume, a cool beer, a little sun and this awesome lake,” said LaVelle, she sounded excited.

Shrieking made Hux jerk his head around towards the beach. Two children, a Mirialan with light green skin and short brown hair and a human girl with long curly hair and dark skin ran into the lake, screaming and laughing at the same time.

There were children on the Base? In a way it made sense, the Resistance had to raise its soldiers somewhere. The Order had of course state of the art training ships.

He noticed that a human man yelled after the children: “Stay at the shore! You hear me?”

Well, it seemed that they were lacking discipline. On the other hand they were still quite young, no more than ten years old. Perhaps not even cadets yet.

“Time is up, Hux. We need to go back,” said LaVelle.

Sergeant Tico was taking apart a blast cannon - judging from the calibre Hux guessed it was from a N-29 starfighter. When he was shackled to the workbench he noticed the Theed Space Vessel Engine emblem on the power coupling. Now he knew that it was an N-29.

“What are you working on now, Sergeant?”

She stretched until her joints clicked. “Overloaded condensers.”

“Hm, N-class starfighters have a tendency to do that.”

“You don’t say; I didn’t notice that at all. I only fixed five of them in the last couple of days.”

“I thought that you worked on the chip-problem the past five days.”

Unamo had finished making sure that Hux was bound and got up. “You can just tell him to shut up, you know. You don’t have to listen to him.”

Hux pressed his lips together. Unamo was right of course. Why should she waste her time?

Tico looked a little taken aback. “Uh, yeah. I guess you’re right.” She turned to Hux. “Get back to work.”

Hux did as he was told. When he started to work he felt slightly disappointed. It would have been interesting to talk to her. Overloaded condensers were difficult to fix, knowing her she would try to figure out a way to stop them overloading in the first place.

He wouldn’t put it past her to come up with a solution - she was certainly brilliant and resourceful.

As he worked on his simple tasks his mind began to wander. Raabat had mentioned that she should go to the lake. She hadn’t been interested, perhaps she didn’t like to swim? Or perhaps- perhaps she couldn’t swim. Just like him.

No, why was he even thinking about that? She probably was just diligent and wanted to get her work done. Yes, she had an admirable work ethic.

He heard like she got up and saw from the corner of his eye how she walked past him. Then her step slowed, finally she turned back and stepped in front of his workbench.

“I’m getting a cup of caf. Do you want one?”

“Yes, please,” he said.

He watched her go to the caf machine in the break room. The other workers were already there, chatting with each other. Tico waited for her turn at the caf dispenser and laughed about something one of her colleagues said.

After a few minutes she returned with two mugs.

He took one of them. “Thank you.”

“I didn’t ask, but I figured that you like yours black.”

“I do.”

She leaned against her workbench. “I love sweeteners too much to not put seven of them in my mug.”

He frowned. “You put seven sweeteners in your caf?”

“Tsk, of course not. I was only joking.”

“Ah, a hyperbole, I see.”

“That’s what I said.” She took a gulp. “You know, I’m not good with that silent treatment stuff. Even if it’s you.”

“I assume that you refer to me ordering Captain Phasma to kill you and FN-2187.”

She glared at him. “Among other stuff, yeah. And his name is Finn.”

“I won’t apologize for doing my duty.” They were saboteurs, he had been well within his rights to execute them. Even if it had been a waste… knowing now what a brilliant mind she had.

“I don’t expect you to. That’s not the point. If I want to talk I will talk - you being here doesn’t change who I am.”

“I see.”

She took another gulp. “I worked on the chips the last five days. I worked in the evening on the overloaded condensers.”

She indeed had an incredible work ethic. His thoughts returned to the N-29. “The condensers are liquid-cooled, aren’t they?”

She nodded. “With the usual antifreeze compound of course.”

He dimly remembered having seen blueprints of these types of condensers. The condensers were located quite near the exhaust port. In his opinion a wrong design choice. It made it possible to build the engine sleeker, but it put extra stress on the condensers.

“The exhaust port is a problem,” he said before taking a sip of his caf.

She blinked in surprise. “Uh, yes it is. But changing it would change the aerodynamic design.”

That was true of course. But it shouldn’t be impossible to change it. At least not with a proper aerodynamic simulator. “It shouldn’t be a problem. All you have to do is to redraw the blueprint with the changes and run it through a simulation.”

She chewed on her lower lip. “I guess you’re right. But I’m not a designer. I can’t change a blueprint like that.”

Was she serious? Considering her feat with the chips that should be easy. “Why not?”

“I’m just a grease monkey.”

Just a grease monkey? What the- the woman that had come up with the most inspired piece of engineering he had seen in a decade was supposed to be a grease monkey? “Nonsense.”

“What?”

“Of course you can! It’s not that hard!”

She put her hands on her hips. “Then prove it!”

“Fine!” he snapped. “I need a datapad with the blueprints.”

“Not going to happen.” She grabbed a small napkin from a drawer and a pen from her breast pocket and slammed them on Hux’s workbench. “Here.”

He stared at the napkin. This is what he was reduced to? Not even a proper blueprint or some old datapad? He gritted his teeth and grabbed it. He would show her!

About ten minutes later he had finished a crude drawing. “See? Theoretically it should work if you switch places with the condensator and the power couplings and add a layer of mesh here and here-” he pointed on it with the pen, “then you should be able to balance out the increased mass.”

She looked from the napkin to Hux and then back to the napkin. “How in the Galaxy did you come up with this so fast?”

“I just based it off the schematics I remembered and modified it. Of course it has to be verified in a simulation.” He threw the pen on the workbench. “See, it’s not that hard. You could have done it too!”

“Bullshit,” she said with a huff.

“You are just too pig-headed to admit it!” he retorted as he got up.

Rabaat appeared out of nowhere and put himself between Tico and Hux, pushing Hux back on his seat. “What is going on here?”

Tico appeared to be taken aback as he was. “Boss?”

“I don’t care what General Organa says! If he can’t behave then I will make sure that he never steps again into my Department!” said Rabaat in a firm voice.

She pointed to the napkin. “Look what he did! He is claiming that this is easy!”

Rabaat grabbed the napkin. “Is this-”

“He redesigned the N-29 to fix the condenser problem!” she pointed an accusing finger at Hux. “And claimed that I could do it too!”

Rabaat inhaled. “You lost me. Are you saying that you two are screaming at each other because you have solved the most pressing problem of our fleet?”

Tico crossed her arms. “Maybe.”

“That statement is imprecise, it needs to be tested first. It’s only a rough sketch,” said Hux. “And that’s not the point,” said Tico.

Rabaat huffed. “I’m almost afraid to ask, but what is the point?”

“Sergeant Tico claimed that she couldn’t do it. That’s obviously not true so I wanted to prove it to her.”

Rabaat sighed. “Rose?”

“Well... yeah! What he said.” She blushed a little.

“Just- just keep it down, alright?” said Rabaat. He turned to leave and waved all the other workers off that had stopped working and were staring at them.

Hux realised that he had made a spectacle of himself. He could feel heat crawling up his cheeks. He turned and worked quietly on his assignment.

That evening he finished reading “The Metamorphosis”. As expected the story hadn’t offered an explanation for the strange tale. The mysterious writer who had left notes and only left cryptic questions. ‘Death = freedom?’ or ‘father as obstacle?’.

Hux got the feeling that the story didn’t offer just one possible interpretation. In its core it was a tale about a man becoming something else. But he felt that it wasn’t really about the one man, it was more about the family. The way they treated him.

Their son had become something monstrous and they failed to understand him. And the father especially had reacted with violence - throwing apples at his transformed son and thus hurting him.

Was it a story about adolescence? The was the notes were scribbled in an old book seemed juvenile in a way. Well, either way it had been diverting and stimulating.

The longer he thought about it the less it seemed that this was some elaborate game Organa was playing. It had been no moral book, in retrospect it had been paranoid to think so. He had little doubt that she had a plan, otherwise the whole three questions-a-day-routine wouldn’t make much sense but it was possibly much simpler than he thought.

Elaborate ruses never work, they were dependent on too many variables. That’s one of the many lessons he had learned in the Order. Tactics were important but one should never be too shy to abandon them and react on an opportunity. A seasoned leader like General Organa knew that as well.

Snoke had acted as if the Rebels were mindless idealists. But that was too simple. They were cunning and survived - even dealt serious blows to an organisation with much more resources and soldiers.

It all made sense if they had skilled personnel like Sargent Tico in their midst. She was unconventional but brilliant. Perfect for asymmetrical warfare.

In a way that also applied for Commander Dameron. The gall of the man to stall for time with an act like the one he pulled on D’Qar… conventional means wouldn’t work on them. 

Was his interrogation also an unconventional one? It had to be. That’s why he couldn’t make head or tails out of it. Long-term planning wouldn’t work. His first instinct had been right: He had to wait and wait for an opportunity.

It was almost time for the nightly black-out when the door to his room opened. At first he couldn’t identify the dark-skinned athletic man who stepped in. When he came closer, he recognized FN-2187 - or ‘Finn’ as they apparently called him.

“Long time no see, Hux.”

Hux got up and clasped his hands behind his back. “FN-2187. I assume you are the ‘trusted source’ Commander Dameron mentioned the other night.”

“Yes.” He stepped in front of the cell. “That’s why I am here.”

Hux turned the corners of his mouth down. “He told you, didn’t he?”

“Of course.”

For a few moments the humming of the force field was the only sound in the room.

FN-2187 cleared his throat. “First, I didn’t want to see you. Bad memories and all that. But I forgot what kind of people the Rebels are.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I’m not sure if you have realised it yet, Hux. But they try to do the right thing. They won’t kill you, even after everything you have done.” He brushed over his brown leather jacket. “I kind of hoped that you would disappear like a bad dream. But that won’t happen. You are here. I am here.”

Hux frowned. “I don’t think-”

“They don’t know yet that they waste their time on you.” FN-2187 chuckled. “They think they can save anyone. Kriff, I can’t complain. They took me in and look at me now - a bonafide Rebel.”

“You are a traitor,” hissed Hux.

“See? That’s what I’m talking about. Ren kicked you out, tried to kill you. But you still believe in the Order. You can’t see past your programming. You are like a droid stuck in its directives. Unable to learn, unable to move on.”

“At least I have got principles and conviction.”

“All you got is hatred for the Galaxy. They don’t know how deep your misanthropy runs. Poe certainly didn’t know, just a glimpse of it drove him away.”

Hux scoffed. “The Rebels are soft.”

“Of course you would say that. They are not soft, they are human beings, not goose-stepping drones.”

In this moment the lights were turned off. The only light source was the reddish force field. It bathed the room in a dark red light. The humming seemed to become louder.

“That’s my clue,” said FN-2187. “I said my piece.”

“Then get out of here,” said Hux.

FN-2187 turned and left.


	6. Colour

“Good Morning, General Organa.”

“Good Morning, Hux.”

She looked wearier than the day before. It almost seemed that she had aged overnight. The bags under her eyes were darker, there was a harsh line around her mouth.

“Who is responsible for the Super Dreadnaught programme?” she asked.

“General Fyre.” It wasn’t exactly a secret. Fyre bragged about it at every social gathering she attended.

She leaned on her crane. Connix took a step forward, but Organa raised her hand and the Lieutenant disappeared again in the back of the room.

“What are the weaknesses of the Super Dreadnought?”

“I decline to answer.” He might as well answer that one. There were no real weaknesses. It was heavily fortified and armed. But that was all. In the end it could be destroyed like any other vessel… especially if one rams a ship into it in lightspeed. He hadn’t expected it. Stupid. A grave oversight on his side. He closed his eyes for a very short moment. Weak. Useless.

Someone of the Rebel’s side had given their life to take out the _Supremacy_. He hadn’t expected that level of sacrifice from them.

He set his eyes again on Organa and straightened his back. How would she use her last question? Probably she would continue to ask about military matters. It made sense.

“Why don’t you ever ask me questions?” said Organa with a weak smile.

There was a faint feeling of relief when he heard that she was asking about him, he didn’t know why. “I didn’t know that I was allowed to ask questions.”

“I never said it’s forbidden either. You could have tried, yet you didn’t.”

What an odd observation. It was quite clear after all. “It’s not appropriate for a low-ranking individual to ask a General questions.”

She sat up a little straighter, she was more alert now. “You are a General too.”

“I’m not. I lost my rank the moment Supreme Leader Ren chose to dispose of me. I have no rank, I am nothing now. Everybody in this Base outranks me.” He shrugged. “That’s why I’m accepting orders from Sergeant Tico.”

“You are still a person. You are not nothing. You can ask questions,” said Organa slowly.

Hux narrowed his eyes. Why would she want to waste her time with his questions? “I don’t understand.”

“If you have questions you can ask them. I had my three, it’s your turn now.”

That was unexpected. He just said what came to mind. “What kind of tea do I get each morning?”

She stared at him, then a smile spread across her lips. “It’s Mantellian Green Tea.”

“Are we near Ord Mantell then?” he continued.

“I decline to answer.”

That made him smile against his will. “Fair enough.” He licked his lips. He had only one question left for today. The humming made it hard for him to think. The humming… should he ask about it? Admit his weakness? The thought of a quiet night was alluring. Too alluring.

“Is the constant humming of the force field part of your interrogation technique?” There. That didn’t sound like he was weak.

Organa’s eyes went wide. “Humming? What humming?”

Was she pretending? She seemed candid. “It’s never quiet in here. Especially at night the humming is unmistakable. I assume it is meant to weaken my resolve.”

“I- I don’t hear a hum. And it’s certainly not intentional.” Organa turned to Connix. “Do you hear a hum?”

“No, sir, I assume he is making it up.”

Hux got up. “I’m most certainly not making it up! I can’t sleep, I feel physically ill because of it! You know, don’t you? You knew that I would accept your offering of getting out of here because of it!”

“We don’t hear a humming,” repeated Organa. “But I will send someone to have a look at it.”

He glared at her, but he was mostly angry at himself. Again he had lost his calm, had given away too much.

Organa got up from her chair. She looked calm. “Thank you.”

His anger tickled away. “What?”

“Thank you for showing me that you are still human.”

He stepped closer to the force field. “What in the Galaxy are you talking about?”

She smiled at him, it was a warm and kind smile. “You asked about tea. Your first question wasn’t about the war, it wasn’t about death and destruction - it was about tea.”

He didn’t know what to say to that so he remained silent. He watched her walk out of the room. He couldn’t get a read on her. He had little doubt that there was something about her that he didn’t get, couldn’t understand yet.

She was very open with her emotions. Her smile seemed genuine, just as her questions and her reaction to them. And he liked it. He liked that a galactic legend like General Organa asked him if he wanted to ask her questions. It was silly, of course. But it flattered him.

About ten minutes later the door opened again and Sergeant Tico appeared. Hux was taken aback and mumbled. “Good morning, Sergeant.”

“Morning,” she replied and approached him. She was carrying a tool kit and a scanner. She put everything down and crossed her arms. “The General said something about a humming sound?”

“I can hear the oscillator kicking in when the phase changes, so perhaps the humming is a by-product of the phase shield?”

She popped a chewing gum in her mouth. “Loose contact?”

“That would be my first guess. But it shouldn't produce this- this damn humming.”

She activated the scanner and checked the readings. Then she opened the panel on the left side of the cell and scanned again.

He tried to take a look of the display. “Is it the network? Or the DIL socket?”

She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “Neither. Everything is fine. And I don’t hear a humming. I can hear the oscillator, but the rest… nope.”

“I- that can’t be. I hear it!”

She frowned. “Can you describe the humming in detail? Is it more like back coupling in a phase shield? Or more like the buzzing of overloaded OIT-power coupling?”

He listened for a moment, and tried to come up with a description. “It sounds like vibrating kyber power cells. This- this deep growl before they fully power up.”

“Kyber power cells?” she asked and for a moment he thought that her eyes became moist. She blinked a few times.

“I- I know that there aren’t any here, okay? I’m just trying to describe what the sound reminds me of.” He gulps. There was only one place he knows of where kyber power cells had been active. And Starkiller Base was gone.

“I’m going to try something,” she said in a low voice. She knelt down and peeled another panel off; after some rummaging in her tool box she pulled a chip out and seemed to put it in. Due to his vantage point Hux couldn’t see exactly what she was doing.

The force field became less red and turned slowly into purple, and then blue. The humming faded with the red colour. Hux stood there gaping at Tico.

_How _had she fixed it? _What _had she fixed? From what he could see she had used one chip. “It’s gone, the humming is gone!” he said. “Did you replace a faulty chip? But why did the force field change the colour?”

She closed the panels and grabbed her tools. “I just overrode the colour management subprocessor with a new one. I only changed the colour, nothing else.” She looked at him with an odd expression on her face. He didn’t like it.

He could feel how he blushed. “That’s-” He gulped. “But I heard the humming.”

“See you later, Hux.”

With these words, she left.

LaVelle and Unamo brought him again to the lake. It was quite hot, Hux could feel sweat running down his back. He sat down in the shadow of a large tree and watched the people at the beach. 

“I’m melting,” groaned LaVelle. “Damn it, the water looks good.”

“We can go for a quick dipping in during our break. We just have to deliver Hux to the repair shop.”

They were right. The thought of cooling off in the green-blue water was alluring. Blue… his thoughts returned to the force field. He didn’t think that Tico had been lying. But if all had been in his mind… what did it say about him?

Starkiller. When he closed his eyes he could still feel the rumbling of the kyber power cells deep in the core of the planet. He could feel the heat of the gigantic beam on his face- he snapped his eyes open. It had been necessary.

And yet he imagined the sound of the machine when he was confronted with red light. He didn’t need to be a medic to know that it wasn’t a sign of perfect mental health.

Screams from the beach made him lose track of the dim thoughts. He craned his neck to see what the commotion was about; again the future cadets; the mirialan boy and the human girl.

LaVelle chuckled. “Look at them going - oh, man, I wish I was that young again.”

Hux sank back against the bark of the tree. His years as cadet hadn’t been exactly good. He was glad that he didn’t have to go through them again.

“Yeah, those were the days,” said Unamo. “I mean, probably we’re a bit nostalgic. All the work in the mines sucked.”

“You’re right. I grew up on Jakku. All we had were sand lizard races. I wish we had a lake like this.”

Hux thought about saying something. ‘There was a lake like this on Arkanis.’ Yes, that was appropriate. Or should he comment on him having been on Jakku as a boy?

Unamo shrugged. “We had this game with rocks we found in the mines. We looked for colourful rocks, they were only cheap gneissic rocks, but to us they were treasures we traded with each other.”

The conversation had moved on; he had been too slow. It didn’t matter. It was only small-talk after all.

“Suddenly I don’t feel so bad anymore with my sand lizards.”

“Hey! Rocks are great.”

“Nope, they are dull.”

Unamo scoffed. “Pffff, you are a philistine!”

Sergeant Tico was apparently waiting for him, she stood at her workbench with a mug of caf in her hands. He pressed his lips together to a thin line. Would she mock him for his vivid imagination? Surely she had told her friends about it.

She waited until LaVelle had bound Hux to his workbench before she put the crumpled napkin with his crude drawing on it.

“We ran the tests.”

He looked from the drawing to her. “And?”

“It works.”

“Ah.”

She sipped at her caf. “What exactly did you do back at the Order?”

He shrugged. “I oversaw the Weapon Development Division and was Co-Commander of the _Finalizer_. I also was Commanding General of the 9th fleet.”

“Not the military stuff. The Engineering bit.” She gestured towards the napkin. “This is not something anyone can just come up with.”

He shifted in his seat. “I did develop some designs and worked on some wrinkles on some projects.” When he saw the look she gave him, he continued: “I wouldn’t have been promoted head of WDD if I hadn’t at least _some _understanding of engineering and weapons design.”

“This is advanced stuff, Hux. Why in the Galaxy did you think I could come up with it myself?”

“Because you are obviously brilliant,” he said with a frown.

She gaped at him. “Bullshit!”

“It’s not ‘Bullshit’!”

Rabaat appeared right next to them. Tico and Hux were both taken aback by how fast the Ithorian had moved. “What is it now? There are people trying to work here!”

Tico pointed at Hux. “He still claims that I could have done it too! But he is some kind of genius!”

Hux crossed his arms. “This is ridiculous.”

Rabaat wiped over his face. “So this is how we will do it: You two will keep it down or I will report to General Organa that this doesn’t work out. I don’t have time for this.”

Tico huffed and returned to her workbench. Hux did the same. Rabaat looked from one to another before he left.

A couple of hours later Hux noticed FN-2187 entering the repair shop. Their gazes met for a short moment before FN-2187 turned his attention to Tico.

“Rose, how are you?”

From the corner of his eye Hux saw that she beamed at him, she seemed to blush a little.

“I’m fine!” she said a little too loud. “Erm, how are you?”

FN-2187 leaned against her workbench and smiled. “Good, good. Poe is giving me flying lessons and Rey is sparring with me - so I’m a little bruised, but it’s alright. What are you up to?”

She seemed to blush even more. “Uh, nothing special. Just fixing things, you know.”

“From what I hear you do more than just fix things.”

“Uh, well… I guess I do.”

They were silent for a moment.

“Listen, I know it’s none of my business,” he lowered his voice, but Hux could still hear him. “Especially after Crait and what I said to you. But I think you need to get out of here once in a while.”

She cast her eyes down.

“What about that singing event Poe is organizing? You like to sing, right?”

She looked up again. “Yeah, I do,” she said in a quiet voice. “But Paige was the better singer.”

“You are great too.”

“Will you sing too?”

He nodded. “Sure, Poe wants to do this duet with me,” he chuckled. “I’m not sure if that’s a good idea, but it will be fun.”

“I don’t know.”

“I don’t want to pressure you, alright? Think about it.”

“I will.”

“Poe, Rey and I will meet up at the lake after dinner. If you want you could drop by.”

She smiled. “Thank you for the invitation. I need to finish something but I will come by later.”

“Great, see you then!”

“Bye!”

FN-2187 glanced again at Hux and left.

Hux followed him with his eyes. So Tico and him were friends. From what he gathered he had also befriended Dameron. And whoever this ‘Rey’ was. How was this possible? Why did they trust him?

Behind him he heard a click noise and music started to play. He didn’t look back, he knew that she was quietly singing along like she always did.


	7. Twelve Parsecs

That evening he was actually looking forward going to his cell. He was tired from the work and the heat. The shower had offered refreshment, but he was still hot.

When Unamo activated the force field, Hux noticed with satisfaction that it was still blue; there was no humming. He closed his eyes for a moment and inhaled.

It was hard to believe that all he had to do was ask his jailers to fix it. He opened his eyes and saw Unamo leaving the room.

Hux checked his chronometer. Dinner would be here soon. He began to stretch, his neck felt a little stiff.

His thoughts returned to Sergeant Tico. Why did she dispute that she was good at her job? It didn’t make sense. Perhaps she didn’t like flattery- no, no, he hadn’t flattered her. He had only stated facts.

What was her next project? It would certainly be interesting to watch her solve the next riddle. He was lucky that she tolerated him - he was actually looking forward to see her next work.

Moments later Unamo appeared with his dinner.

He dreamt about Starkiller again. Someone was there with him, holding his hand. They watched the red beam erupt from the ground, the humming sound of kyber power cells only deafened by the sound of fir trees bending and breaking . He could feel the heat on his face, whoever was holding his hand grabbed it firmer.

When he tore his gaze away from the red burst he didn’t see anybody beside him. He turned around, nobody was on the gigantic stage but him. He felt a sense of loss.

It started to rain. Heavy raindrops pattered on his hat and his shoulders. Suddenly he stood in the shower of the Rebel Base, he was showering with his uniform still on.

“You are soaked.”

General Organa was standing next to the entrance, holding a white towel. He went over and took the towel and started to dry himself.

The chronometer beeped and Hux woke up. He rubbed his eyes. What and odd dream.

He yawned. He had slept through the night, and felt certainly more rested than the days before. All because Tico had changed the colour of the force field.

He scoffed. He really was weak.

He went to the sink and washed his face.

Would Organa try to prey on his weakness? No, no, that didn’t seem like her style. Judging from the way she talked to him it seemed like she was actually honest in her approach. The very thought went against everything he had learned during his tenure in the Order.

But all evidence pointed to this conclusion. They weren’t going to kill him, they wouldn’t torture him. They actually treated him well. What got to him was that Organa wasn’t weak, the Rebels weren’t fools nor naïve. 

There had to be a catch. They couldn’t possibly be so _good _at what they were doing while actually keeping their ideals. If they were, where would that leave him?

General Organa smiled at him when she entered. Hux gave her a nod when he greeted her.

“You look rested, Hux.”

“Indeed. It has been some time since I last slept this well.”

“As you can see, it wasn’t our intention to cause you discomfort. We weren’t aware that you were bothered by the force field.”

He took notice that she didn’t mention that it had been only the colour that had caused him distress. But she knew. He remembered that she used to be a politician and a diplomat.

She leaned back in her chair, something about it made her look majestic. Like she was royalty holding an audience. “Why did Kylo Ren leave you on Crait?”

“I challenged his authority on several occasions. He took the opportunity to get rid of me after we had secured your Base.” He hesitated for a short moment before he continued. “He slammed me several times against a wall, venting his frustration.” He grimaced. “I advised him against wasting time on Skywalker. He didn’t like that.”

“Why did he kill Snoke, in your opinion?”

“He never did like to be ordered around. I assume he wanted to have free rein in exacting his revenge on the Jedi.”

She averted her gaze for a moment. Then she looked up again. “Do you have a favorite food?”

He thought about it. “No, not really. I like standard food bars, they are easy and quick to consume.”

He hesitated for a moment, then he said: “Do you have a favorite food?”

She chuckled. “I do. I actually like a lot of food. But if I had to choose I would go with Coruscantian pheasant with lingonberry, with baked potatoes.” She chuckled again. “My husband once said that I loved Coruscantian pheasant more than him.”

Right, she had been married to the legendary Han Solo. Ren had killed him on Starkiller Base. Solo had been one of the Rebels to sabotage it.

The expression on Organa’s face darkened. She probably missed him.

“Is it true that Solo did the Kessel Run in twelve parsecs?”

She blinked. “Only if you round down.” She had moist eyes. “He was such a show-off.” She blinked the tears away. “A horrible show-off.” Her voice sounded brittle.

Hux tried his best to ignore her unexpected loss of self-control. “Uh, how many cruisers do you have left in your fleet? Surely not many…”

She looked at him with a surprised expression on her face. “I decline to answer.” She stood up and straightened herself. “See you tomorrow.”

Hux just nodded at her.

It was again quite hot outside. They sat down in the shadows at the edge of the lake.

“One of these days I have to learn how to swim properly,” said LaVelle as she stared at the lake.

“If you want, I can teach you. I’m not very good at it though,” replied Unamo.

“Gladly, you could teach a whole class. From what I hear there are quite a few people from arid planets who can’t swim.”

Interesting. Hux had always thought that not being able to swim was something specific to the First Order. He remembered what his father had told all the new recruits:

_‘Since ancient times, since people sailed on unknown waters, sailors had been forbidden to learn how to swim. Why, you may ask? Simple: It was their duty to defend their ship until the last breath. There was no need for them to swim because anybody who survived the loss of their ship was a traitor! A dastardly traitor who was shot the moment he or she stepped on dry land. The First Order follows that proud tradition!’_

Hux understood the symbolism of course, but personally he thought it was a tactical disadvantage for soldiers on certain terrains.

“Sure, if you want to,” said Unamo.

“Let’s start tomorrow.”

Hux looked out at the water. He had to admit that he wanted to learn how to swim too. He pressed his lips together. No, he shouldn’t even think about it. They would laugh at him, and the moment when he had to dress down to swim… he felt heat crawling up his cheeks. No, he wouldn’t humiliate himself.

Tico was staring at a hologramm slowly turning around its own axis when he arrived.

“Is this an 45er-PQ-subprocessor?” he asked.

She rubbed her forehead. “Yeah.”

“The holo frame is not entirely in focus.”

“I know.”

“Don’t you want to fix it?”

“Nope, I rarely use this thing anyway. Waste of time and spare parts.”

It made sense. It still irked him to see the holo flickering. He forced himself to ignore it. “What are you working on?”

“Some of the older astro-mech droids get server connection delays when in space longer than 20 hours. It’s a minor inconvenience but one day it might turn out critical.”

So this was why she was studying the subprocessor? He wanted to have a closer look at the holo, but his shackle didn’t allow him to draw nearer.

He sat down at his workbench and glanced once more over his shoulder at her or rather the projection before he began with his work.

She was right, of course. The subprocessor was responsible for the real-time data delivery in the system. It was probably faulty. It was an interesting problem. There was no way to simulate a 20 hour spaceflight to reproduce the error. She couldn’t test her improvements until another incident occurred.

Hux activated the sonic shower and exhaled at the relaxing feeling. It wasn’t as good as a real water shower, but he had gotten used to it in the few times he had been brought to the common shower on the Base.

The expected attack had never occurred. He assumed that Organa had forbidden it. But he still could smell the coppery taste of blood in his nose every time he saw those white tiles and the shower heads.

As always, Unamo had brought him a fresh set of clothes. The guard stood at the door while Hux dressed himself.

Just as he had pulled up his boxers, Unamo spoke: “I have been wondering, Hux. What are those?”

Hux turned to face Unamo. “What?”

“The scars on your back.”

“Disciplinary actions,” he replied curtly as he continued to dress. What a silly question. What else could it be?

“Didn’t take you for a disobedient guy.”

“I wasn’t. As I said. It was for discipline.”

Unamo frowned. “I don’t understand.”

Hux pulled his grey t-shirt down. “The strong need to show the weak that they are on top for a reason. For discipline.” It was how the Galaxy worked after all. How odd that Unamo would even ask.

“Are you serious?”

He frowned. “Of course. It’s human nature to stamp down on others. If you’re not on top someone else will be, one must make sure to be to one doing the stamping.” He held his hands out so that Unamo could cuff him.

But Unamo just stood there. “You really believe that?”

“Ah, you think that there is some bond between people, right? I have seen what the Galaxy is like, and I assure you there is no kindness between people, no bond, nothing.” He was still holding his hands up, ready to be cuffed.

Unamo stepped forward and put the shackles on. “There is kindness in the Galaxy. But not everybody deserves it.”

Hux didn’t answer. He was wrong, there was no kindness… or was there? After all, there was General Organa. There was Sergeant Tico. They were kind.

Back in his cell he started to read “The Royal Game”. To his disappointment, he didn’t find any handwritten notes in it.

It was a story within a story; a sophisticated man was travelling between what Hux assumed were two planets - he wasn’t familiar with the names - in a ship. He plays a game of chess against what seemed to be an uncultivated brute who turned out to be a chess genius. The man gets obsessed with the game itself, even calling it a ‘chess poisoning’, almost going mad as his mind circles around possible moves. As it turned out the man had been imprisoned before his journey and had started to play chess against himself in an attempt to keep his sanity in the isolation.

Hux scoffed. So this was why Organa had said that it was an inappropriate story for his situation. He had to admit that the story was still fascinating.

The man had played chess against himself to the point where he developed a split personality. At the end of the story the man declared that he would never again play chess to save himself from himself.

Hux was a little disappointed that he had already finished the story. He put the book on the chair next to his bed and lay down.

Like with the story about the man who had been turned into a bug there was something about this story that resonated within him. Perhaps it was the obsession? He was- had been quite single-minded as head of the Weapon Development Division.

Perhaps it was the isolation of the protagonist? 

His thoughts returned to Unamo and what he had said. It wasn’t surprising that a Rebel would think that there was some kind of bond, kindness or whatever between people. It was in line with Rebel propaganda.

Until a few days ago he had thought that it was hypocrisy. A way to manipulate followers and supporters. But now… he had admittedly little evidence but it seemed that they meant it. The Rebel believed in another philosophy as the Order. Interesting.

He had assumed that deep down they all believed in power, in ruling the Galaxy. And while the Order had been honest about their intentions, he had believed that the Rebels were lying.

He sat up and rolled his shoulders back.

It certainly explained Organa asking him if he felt a shred of guilt when he had ordered the rescue pods to be shot down. She really wouldn’t have done it. She would have spared her enemies.

Now that he thought about it… this conclusion was consistent with reports on how the Rebels had behaved at several occasions.

But even if he thought about their mercy it seemed odd how much effort Organa made with him. There was no need for her to expose herself like that. She even talked about her husband to him.

Like she was trying to bond with him. No, that couldn’t be. He stood for everything she fought against. He had done unspeakable things, necessary thing… or at least that’s what he told himself… to bring order to the Galaxy.

He had known the moment he had finished the plans for Starkiller that the destructive potential of this weapon was beyond anything the Galaxy had ever seen. If he was truthful, he had felt ill right before he told Snoke that it was ready to fire.

But at the same time he knew that it had to be done. This was the sacrifice he brought for peace and order. But that didn’t mean that he didn’t dream about the dreadful rumbling under his feet, nor the red-hot beam shooting out in the darkness of space.

In the end it had been for naught. Starkiller had been destroyed, the war was still raging on, even if the Resistance had been decimated. In the end it all had been for nothing. He was nothing. A prisoner deluding himself that he would escape.

He got up and started to pace back and forth.

Even if he somehow managed to escape like he had thought at the beginning, what was the point? Where would he go? The Order was his home and Ren had exiled him. Nobody would follow him - he had no leverage against the other Generals who were whispering in Ren’s ear.

Perhaps he could find a way back in with his engineering skills? Yes, perhaps if he groveled before Ren, forgot his dignity and his anger until he had climbed the ranks again. Until he wielded power again.

He stopped his pacing.

Ren would never let him come back. He may look soft with his boyish face, naïve even with his big brown eyes. But Hux knew better. Behind his tantrums, beyond his youthful face was a bitterness and a coldness that rivalled Snoke's.

Whatever had really happened in Snoke's Throne room, Ren had been behind it. He wasn’t the overgrown man-child Hux had thought him to be. While he was lacking self-control he was cunning, devious even. How else could he outsmart Snoke?

No, Hux couldn’t return to the Order. And he couldn’t stay here.


	8. Cadets

In his dreams he saw once again Starkiller Base. Like the last time, someone was holding his hand, he could feel their warm hand in his. The red energy beam appeared in the sky, he was holding- no, they were holding his hand in their large hand. No, their hand wasn’t large, his was small.

From the corner of his eye he saw a woman standing next to him, she had short blonde hair and light skin, but he couldn’t see her face. A ray of sunshine blinded him and made it impossible to look at her.

He realised that they weren’t on Starkiller Base anymore. The surroundings were green and lush. He felt content, safe.

A rumbling in the sky made him look up, dark clouds were gathering. The rumbling started to sound like kyber power cells. It started to rain and the woman let go of him.

In this moment the chronometer beeped. Hux cursed under his breath. He had been curious to see who this mysterious woman was.

He went to the sink and washed his face. The dreams had become more frequent. Ever since he had stopped taking the sleeping stims… perhaps he should request some to get to his usual dreamless sleep.

No, he was too curious to see where this would lead.

He was still drinking his morning tea when Organa sat down on her usual chair.

“Should you ever tire of the Mantellian Green Tea, let me know. We could also offer you Rishi Herbal Tea,” she said.

“Thank you, General. Green Tea is just fine.”

“What are Kylo Ren’s plans for the Order?” she asked, there was a hard line around her mouth.

“I don’t know. All he seemed interested in was to destroy Skywalker. I’m not sure that he has long-term plans besides that,” he hesitated, “... he also seemed obsessed with that scavenger girl that has bested him twice.”

“Her name is Rey,” said Organa softly.

Rey… he had heard that name. FN-2187 had mentioned her when he was talking to Tico. So that meant that she was here, in this Base? The woman that was more powerful than Ren - more dangerous. He couldn’t help but feel uneasy.

“Actually she expressed interest in meeting you,” continued Organa in a friendly voice.

What was he supposed to say to that? He straightened his back. “Of course, i-if she wants to.”

“What were Snoke’s plans for the Order?”

“I don’t know. He never shared his ideas with me. I was merely tasked to do his bidding. I assume he had similar plans to Ren's. It was he who wanted to find Skywalker in the first place.”

She leaned back. “Did you read the books I gave you?”

“I did. I enjoyed them, even the one with the insane prisoner.”

She laughed. “I’m surprised that you like fiction, Hux.”

What did she mean by that? He shifted in his seat. Was she laughing at him? “I did,” he said in a quiet voice.

She smiled a little. “I’m quite partial to fiction too, you know.”

Hear her say that soothed him but. It felt like she was honest. He licked his lips. “Is it your handwriting in ‘The Metamorphosis’?”

She looked at him for a moment. There was again an air of sadness around her. “It’s my son’s handwriting.”

“I wasn’t aware that you have children. The First Order files-”

“-are obviously incomplete.”

How was this possible? General Organa was a dangerous opponent, every shred of information was vital. “Erm, how many children do you have?”

“Only my boy.”

“He seemed to like the book,” said Hux. “There were a lot of notes.”

“He re-read it countless times. I mean, I like the story and the penmanship, of course, but I never understood why he liked it so much.”

“I guess he read it during his adolescence. Puberty is a metamorphosis on it’s own. Perhaps he found it interesting because of the parallels?”

She blinked in surprise. “P-perhaps.”

“I must say I have rarely seen paper books. It’s a pity that he wrote into it.”

She gave him a small smile. “I was furious when I discovered it, of course. These books had been handed down for generations in my family. But Ben… he didn’t cherish my traditions.” She wiped over her face. “I’m afraid I’m tired. Please ask me your last question.”

“I already did.”

“Pardon?”

“My last question was a rhetorical one. But it was still a question.”

She got up and pressed her lips together. “You are very meticulous.”

“Of course.”

It had rained during the night, but the sun shone again, making the weather sticky. The ground was partly wet.

LaVelle and Unamo moaned about the weather as always. 

“I swear it gets worse every day,” said LaVelle.

“I think you already said that yesterday,” quipped Unamo as he wiped the sweat off his forehead.

Hux’s shirt was already glued to his chest despite only having walked to the lake. They sat down at their usual spot at the cliff. The rocky floor was a little cool.

Hux noticed a movement in the woods from the corner of his eye and jerked his head around. LaVelle was alert as well and lifted her blaster rifle. “Who is there?”

“It’s just us,” said a childish voice and moments later the two cadets who usually played at the beach were standing in front of them.

The human girl scratched her arm. “We saw you from the beach. What are you doing here?”

“We are guarding this man,” said Unamo with a broad smile.

The cadets gaped at Hux.

“Why?” asked the Mirialan boy.

“He is our prisoner,” replied LaVelle in a serious voice. “So keep away from him.”

“Whoa, is he dangerous?” The girl asked with a little too much zeal in her voice.

“Yes,” said LaVelle.

Unamo glared at her. “No. Well, he is dangerous, but not now. Because we are guarding him.”

“What did you do?” asked the boy with eyes wide open.

“I’m your enemy. I fight in the war against you,” said Hux.

“That’s enough now,” scolded LaVelle. “Go play on the beach.”

The children disappeared again, but judging from the giggling from the bushes they were still around. They peeked from behind trees and bushes at Hux and hid again.

LaVelle sighed. “How can they have so much energy in this heat?”

“Children are curious,” replied Unamo with a shrug.

Why they didn’t simply order the cadets to leave was beyond Hux. No order and discipline, he thought. A memory of a belt in a meaty hand resurfaced. He pushed it back.

The cadets were now boldly sprinting from one bush to another, laughing as they chased after each other. Hux watched them, they seemed happy. Perhaps discipline wasn’t everything after all.

Soon they tired from their game and they went to the cliff, peeking down on the water. 

“Hey, don’t go so near to that cliff,” said LaVelle. “Do you hear me?”

The cadets paid her no attention. Instead they slowly stepped closer to the cliff and looked at the water that was about a meter further down.

“Let me see too,” said the boy and stepped closer to the edge, suddenly everything went fast. The boy slipped on the wet rock and tried to take hold of the girl. Both of them fell off the cliff. The sound of splashing water could be heard.

LaVelle, Unamo and Hux sprang to their feet and rushed to the cliff. The children were flailing wildly in the water, trying to keep themselves over the waterline. Hux’s breath faltered. They obviously couldn’t swim!

“I get them! Guard him!” Unamo yelled and jumped into the water.

LaVelle pointed her blaster rifle at him, but she stared at the children in the water. In the back of his mind, Hux realised that it was the perfect moment to escape. But he still wore the handcuffs. He wouldn’t-

“What are you doing?” yelled LaVelle. “Get them out of there!”

Hux turned his attention back to the water. Unamo was trying to get a hold of the children, but as soon as he grabbed one of them he couldn’t swim anymore and sank. The cadets were panicking and striking out wildly, making it harder to get a hold of them.

LaVelle looked from Unamo to Hux and back to Unamo. “Kriff!” she hissed and lay down on the ground, trying to reach the cadet with her hands. But the distance was too great, she couldn’t reach them.

Hux’s pulse accelerated. “How deep is the water?”

“I don’t know!” yelled LaVelle.

“How deep?” he yelled back.

“The kriff should I know! Uh… six feet?”

He stared at her. “How many meters?”

“I don’t know!”

Hux’s mind worked fast. If she was talking about Coruscant feet… that would be six through 3.281… that would be 1,82 meters. Unless of course she was talking about Huttese feet, in that case it would be around 2,20 meters.

He saw that the cadets movements were getting weaker, one of them already vanished from the surface, sinking slowly to the ground.

Hux drew a deep breath and leapt into the lake. The first thing he noticed was how cold the water was, panic almost overcoming him when the water poured over his head, for a moment he was completely submerged. But then his feet found the ground and pushed himself back to the surface. When he stood on his toes he could hold his face above the water. He grasped for breath, then he went down on his knees and grabbed the boy who had been underwater. Then he waded over to the girl and Unamo and let her grab him. She took hold of him so hard that he could feel her nails breaking his skin.

LaVelle was still reaching down, and Hux waded closer to her and lifted the boy up. It was hard to hold him with his hands tied together, but she managed to grab the lifeless boy and pulled him up.

She disappeared from his sight and he could hear her counting to three over and over again, accompanied by a dull hit. Moments later he heard coughing and vomiting.

The girl was still clutching his shoulder, so he used his hands to hold her while Unamo swam next to him.

“LaVelle?” yelled Unamo breathlessly.

She appeared over the cliff. “I think he’s fine now.” She lay down on the ground again. “Give me Imani.”

Small waves broke over Hux, and he swallowed a bit of water. He tried to grab the girl to lift her up, but she was clinging to him. “I can’t. I will wade to the beach.”

“All right,” said Unamo. “I will accompany you.”

LaVelle got up. “We meet at the beach.” She took the blaster rifles that had been lying on the ground.

Hux started to walk, it was tiring to move in the deep water. At least his pulse calmed down. About two minutes later they were in much shallower water and Hux could stand better, the water only reached his upper chest now. The girl started to cry.

A few moments later Unamo could also stand and tried to take the sobbing girl from Hux, but she was still holding onto him. Hux frowned and tried to take her off.

“Come on, honey,” said Unamo and stroked her back. “You are safe now.”

Finally she let go and Unamo took her, still stroking her back and whispering soothing words into her ear.

They finally reached the beach. LaVelle was already there, holding the blaster rifle in her arms. The boy sat on the sand, he still had puffy eyes, but he didn’t cry anymore.

Hux let himself fall on the beach, coughing. Only now he realised that he was freezing. Luckily the sand was hot and so he let himself fall backwards on it. His whole body seemed to ache.

Out of nowhere a man in trunks ran towards them. “What happened?”

“They fell into the water,” said LaVelle, she seemed exhausted too. “But we got them out.”

“By the stars! I told you to stay at the beach!” said the man, but he didn’t sound angry. Hux watched as he hugged the children. “I’m sorry that I yelled at you. I’m just glad that you are okay.”

“You should go to Dr. Kalonia and let her check them,” said Unamo. He ran his hand through his wet hair. “Kere swallowed quite a bit of water.”

“Of course, thank you!” said the man and took both children on his arms. Moments later he was gone, hastily walking towards the Base.

Unamo exhaled. “I can’t believe what you did there, Hux. You could have gotten away when we were distracted.”

Hux shook his head. “Not really.” He lifted his cuffed hands. “I only did what was appropriate. The cadets are still rather young-”

“Cadets?” interrupted Unamo.

Hux grimaced. “Well, yes, don’t you call them cadets? Is the term ‘aspirant’ more fitting?”

“You think these children are our future soldiers?” asked LaVelle. She looked baffled. “They are war orphans. Their parents died for our cause, that's why they are with us.”

Hux sat up, his back covered in sand. “You are not going to recruit them?”

“That’s up to them when they are old enough,” replied LaVelle.

Hux tried to brush off the sand off his clothes. “I see.” It made him uncomfortable that he had misunderstood the presence of the cad- children. He felt silly.

Footsteps closed in on them. Dameron and FN-2187 appeared next to them.

“Riqabu told us that Kere and Imani were saved by you guys,” said Dameron. He narrowed his eyes as he looked at Hux. “Why is _he _wet?”

“Because I can’t swim,” said LaVelle with downcast eyes. “Unamo tried to save them but the water was too deep, the cliff too high… so Hux jumped in and helped.”

“What?” Dameron looked flabbergasted. 

“Yeah, he jumped in. He’s quite a bit taller than I am so he could stand and lift them up.” Unamo got on his feet. “Come to think of it, why did you ask how deep it was? Even with shackled hands-”

“Because he can’t swim,” said FN-2187. “It’s a FO thing. They don’t teach us how to swim.”

“What?” asked Dameron again.

“You jumped in even though you couldn’t swim?” asked Unamo disbelievingly.

Hux scoffed. “That’s why I asked how deep it is.” He lifted his chin and looked at LaVelle. “Next time you could use the metric system. I wasn’t sure if you meant Core World or Outer Rim feet.”

They stared at him for a few moments. 

Finally Dameron cleared his throat. “Finn and I will escort him back, you two get some rest.”

“Yes, sir,” said LaVelle and Unamo.


	9. Ointment

They brought him to the shower. A couple of Resistance soldiers were washing themselves and they glared at Hux when they entered.

“I will go get him a fresh set of clothes,” said Dameron as he left.

FN-2187 unlocked Hux’s cuffs. Hux rubbed the sore skin around his wrists, chafed by lifting the boy up.

“You have got quite a scrape there, I will ask one of the medics to put some ointment on it,” said FN-2187.

Hux didn’t say anything. The whole situation was awkward. It made sense to take a shower and put on new clothes, but the thought of showing himself before the Resistance fighters and especially in front of FN-2187...

He was relieved to notice the Resistance soldiers hurried up and were already dressing themselves when he started to unbutton his shirt.

“I guess even you can do the right thing every now and then,” said FN-2187.

Hux didn’t say anything. He wanted to tell him off, but nothing came to mind. He pressed his lips together and took his shirt off.

“Do you know what the first thing was that I learned when I came here?” asked FN-2187. “I learned how to swim. I don’t have to go down with the ship anymore - I have a choice.”

Hux glanced at him before he started to pull down his trousers.

“I bet you thought they were cadets, right?”

“Of course I thought they were cadets,” snapped Hux. “It made sense.”

FN-2187 laughed. “You really are a piece of work. That’s all you see, right? Potential soldiers.”

Hux took his boxers off and went to the shower. Hot shame was burning in his face, FN-2187 saw his scrawny frame, weak, unfit for the Stormtrooper programme.

Dameron returned with the clothes.

“Here you go, Hugs. One set of grey clothes - courtesy of the Resistance.” He threw the package on the bench next to the showers.

Hux busied himself washing his hair.

“We will take you to the repair shop after. Or do you want to rest in your cell?” Dameron continued.

Hux turned the shower off. “No, I would like to go to the workshop.”

“Why? Do you love soldering so much?”

Hux steeled himself for their derogatory remarks and turned to face them. “Being in the cell is boring. I prefer to work.” He crossed the room and started to dress.

“Fair enough,” said Dameron.

After he had dressed, Hux held out his hands and FN-2187 cuffed him again. Then he turned to Dameron. “I will go get a medic, his wrists are all chaffed up. Seeing as he is wearing the cuffs most of the time, it’s better to take care of it.”

“Alright, let’s get going, Hugs.”

“What is going on? Where are LaVelle and Unamo?” asked Sergeant Tico.

Dameron flashed her a broad grin. “And here I thought you would be _delighted _to see me. You hurt my feelings.”

She laughed. “Alright, alright. But honestly, what’s going on?”

Hux went over to his workbench and waited for Dameron to take his handcuffs off. Dameron lingered at Tico’s workplace.

“There was an incident at the lake. Imani and Kere fell into the water - luckily Hux and his guards were present. They got them out.” Dameron became serious. “Truth to be told, it was a close call, so I told them to get a little rest while Finn and I-”

“While we take care of Hux,” finished FN-2187 as he joined them again.

A middle-aged human woman with light skin and brown-grey hair stood next to him. Hux remembered her - it was Dr. Kalonia, the medic who had treated his wounds after Crait.

“Please remove the handcuffs so that I can have a look,” said Kalonia.

Hux stretched his arms out and FN-2187 unlocked them. He sat down on the chair and waited for the doctor to inspect his arms. She palmed his wrists and lifted his arms a little to have a better look. Her touch on his bare skin was strange, and he had to suppress the urge to pull away.

“I will put some salve on your wrists, that should help with the abrasions.” She started to rummage in her physician's bag. “I hear you were quite brave. I just finished the examination of the children - they are both alright.”

FN-2187 scoffed. “He thought they were cadets. Imagine that, he didn’t even realise that they are not soldiers.”

Kalonia took a tube out of the bag and screwed it open. “So instead of saving children Hux was saving enemy soldiers? I don’t see a problem here.”

Hux shifted in his seat. “That’s not what I intended.”

“But that’s what you did, Hugs. Even if you don’t like it.” Dameron grinned again.

Kalonia smeared the ointment on his wrists. It felt… nice. The cool ointment helped with the burning sensation. The feeling reminded him of sunshine, but he had no idea why.

Raabat appeared. “Are you finally done? We need to get work done.”

“Of course,” said Kalonia and grabbed her bag. “I'll check on you later, Hux.”

He nodded and watched them leave. Only Tico and himself stayed back.

He turned to face her. “Did you make any progress with the 45er-PQ-subprocessor, Sergeant Tico?”

She shook her head. “I’m not sure.” She pulled up the holo of the subprocessor and enlarged it. “I think the problem is this slight corrosion here. It’s basically the same with any other processor used in space, they all get a little corrosive at the edges after a decade or so. But they are sturdy enough to compensate for that minor problem.”

“Hm, the 45er-PQ is quite fragile. I assume that is the problem?”

“Yep. First I thought I could just enhance the sturdiness by adding a bypass. But it would get too bulky. So I figured I might as well encase the whole thing in conductive gel. Even if the corrosion prevents the data-transfer the gel would get the impulses through. Not elegant but kriffing sturdy.”

“Conductive gel? I have never heard of it.”

She shrugged. “Just a little something I came up with after dealing with so many fused circuits. It’s a dilithium based super-conductive paste. There won’t be any repairs possible after using his in a system of course. Sticks to the electrical system worse than a hutt to his credits. But when the circuits are shot anyway it doesn’t matter.”

He stared at her. Brilliant. She was simply brilliant! 

“You solved it! That’s- that’s incredible!” he said.

“Not really, I mean in theory it should work. Look at this,” she enlarged another section of the subprocessor, “it’s not clear if it will work after 20 hours in space.”

Hux got up and took two steps towards the holo, then he froze in his tracks and looked down to his right leg. It wasn’t shackled at his workbench. He was free. They had forgotten to bind to the workbench.

He looked back up to Tico, she had realised that too. She stared at him wide-eyed and a range of emotions passed over her face, fear, anger and finally decisiveness. She reached down and pulled some device out from under her workbench.

Before he could say anything, he felt an excruciating, burning pain on his chest and everything turned black.

When he woke up, he was lying on his cot. He could barely move, his muscles felt hard and refused to obey him.

“It will wear off eventually.”

He managed to turn his head a little. Sergeant Tico stood in front of his cell. 

“It was an Electro-shock prod I assume? C1 or handheld?” He knew the feeling. Cadets at Arkanis had been handed out these devices for hand-to-hand combat.

“Handheld.”

“So two hours.”

“Yep. You familiar with them?”

“Yes.”

She cleared her throat. “I was surprised and decided to act.”

“A wise decision. After all, I tried to kill you, once.”

“Actually it was a couple of times. At least if you count the _Raddus _and Crait.”

“It wasn’t personal.”

She snorted. “Really? I took it personally.”

“For the record, I was as surprised as you were when I discovered that I wasn’t bound anymore. Next time, please remember that I’m currently not in a position to hurt you.”

“I disagree. For all I know you could have grabbed my hydro-spanner and stabbed me in my eye. You are capable of anything. You killed billions of people with one shot.”

He gulped. “Perhaps you are right.”

Silence stretched out.

“You know what really gets me?” she asked in a low voice. “You are smart. You are not some idiot who is too dense to know what he is doing. But you still built Starkiller.” She inhaled sharply. “And after erasing five planets with so much as a blink of an eye you decide to save two kids from drowning. How the kriff does this fit together?”

He grimaced. “I don’t know.” He said in a quiet voice.

He could her clothes rustling. She was probably crossing her arms. “What?”

“I don’t know!” he snapped.

She scoffed and he could hear footsteps receding. 

He stared at the rivets at the ceiling. He was immobilized for at least two hours. His mind wandered back to Sergeant Tico. He didn’t know why she had even bothered to show up; what did she expect she would hear from him? 

Sergeant Tico… she really was brilliant. She had invented a conductive gel just like that. And yet she acted as if wasn’t something special - she was probably the most skilled engineer he had ever met.

She was highly intelligent, modest to a fault and very pretty. He frowned. When had he noticed that? Probably when she had smiled at him. She really had a kind smile. No, no, he wasn’t supposed to notice that.

He could feel himself blush. It didn’t mean anything, of course. It was just a general observation. Yes, from an objective viewpoint, it was a fact that she was pretty. Just like it was a fact that she was brilliant. And strong, and fearless. Instead of recoiling she had acted, had shocked him into unconsciousness.

There was not an ounce of weakness about her. Her family was certainly a dynasty of accomplished inventors and engineers. Perhaps she was here to win their approval? Hm, the conductive gel was remarkable. But so was her work with the chips. Perhaps they had high standards, like- like _he _had.

He pushed the image of him standing before a desk, with eyes cast down, away. The gel… But of course she needed to prove first that it worked.

It would take at least months to collect conclusive data. Was there really no way to find out sooner if this incredible gel worked?

Zero gravity was easy to achieve in a confined space… all they needed was an anti-gravity platform and an ionized UZ-cube that could be reverse engineered. Yes, that could work. Provided that they could find the right frequency to imitate the stress after 20 hours - so three force fields with a slight pull were needed too.

Hux stared at the ceiling, calculating in his head.

About two hours later he stretched his stiff muscles and groaned silently as the fabric of his shirt chaffed over his chest. He lifted it up, and as expected he saw two small red circles where Tico had touched him with the electro shocker. 

He would be fine tomorrow. His wrists looked better, too. Dr. Kalonia was obviously competent. He remembered the feeling of her touch, it had been different from the ones he was used from the First Order medics. They were efficient, rough even; often they just handed out kolto injections and painkillers.

She on the other hand had been careful, had held his arm while using her fingertips to put the ointment on his skin. It had been nice. 

He pulled the sleeve of his shirt back and stroked over the tender skin on his wrist and his lower arm. It felt strangely comforting, soft. But it wasn’t the same, Dr. Kalonia’s touch had felt different, nicer. 

He continued caressing his left wrist with his right hand until dinner came.

LaVelle came into the room and put the tray in the metallic drawer. “You had quite the day, huh?”

He took the tray and lifted the lid. It was a stew. “It was certainly exciting.”

She ran her hand through her hair and licked her lips. “So, wrists okay?” She looked uneasy, but he didn’t know why.

“The ointment helps, thank you.”

“And the burns on your chest?”

He shrugged. “Nothing serious.”

“Alright then.” LaVelle turned and left.


	10. Slip of Paper

“Good morning, Hux.”

“Good morning, General Organa.”

She didn’t sit down, instead she stepped closer to the cell. “I heard about what happened at the lake. And I want to thank you for your help.”

He averted his gaze. “No thanks necessary.”

“Did you intend to harm Sergeant Tico yesterday in the repair shop?” To his surprise, she still sounded friendly.

“No, I just wanted to have a look at the holo.”

She nodded and went to the chair. She put her hand on the backrest. “I will relinquish my last two questions to Rey.”

He sat up straighter. The Force user was here? He clenched his hands to fists. “Very well.”

As if on cue the door slid open and the scavenger girl stepped into the room. She wore similar clothes when he had last seen her on the _Finalizer_. White garments with knee-high brown leather boots. On her brown belt hung a lightsaber. It swung lightly as she came closer.

Hux did his best to appear indifferent, but he couldn't help feeling dread. He had seen Force interrogations often enough to fear them. Whatever Ren was doing to the prisoners had hardened veterans sobbing, crying for mercy.

And Ren was nothing compared to her. He gulped.

“General Hux-”

“It’s only Hux now,” he said in a firm voice.

Rey crooked an eyebrow. “Fine. Hux, what is the scope of Ren’s Force abilities?”

He thought about it for a moment. “I’m not sure. So far I have seen him stopping blaster bolts in mid-air, using telekinesis and using the Force for mind-control and interrogations… and choking people. But of course I wasn’t privy to his training sessions.”

Rey looked at Organa and back to him. She exhaled. “How are your injuries?”

He blinked. So Organa had forced her to ask a personal question? What was she hoping to accomplish with that? “My wrists are better. The chest doesn’t hurt anymore.”

“Dr. Kalonia insisted that she would have another look,” she said. Rey opened a comm link and called Kalonia.

Moments later the medic appeared. She was carrying her physician's bag. LaVelle and Unamo were accompanying her. “Good morning, let’s have a look, shall we?”

In the back of the room Connix deactivated the force field. Hux got up, holding his hands out assuming they would bind him. 

But Rey shook her head. “That’s not necessary. It would hinder the examination.”Hux sat down on his cot, waiting for Kalonia to approach him. He felt that he was tense, he didn’t like that the Force user was near him. It made him uneasy. 

When Kalonia touched his arm to examine his wounds, he was startled and flinched. Suddenly he couldn’t move at all. From the corner of his eye he saw that Rey had lifted her hand, holding him in place with the Force.

He felt like he couldn’t breathe, flashes of Snoke strangling him with the Force resurfaced and his pulse accelerated. He could hear his blood sing in his ears.

“Please stop,” said Organa, and a fraction of a second later he was released. He took a deep breath, his heart still racing. He flinched when Kalonia touched him again.

Organa smiled at him. “We are all a bit tense, but everything is alright.” His fear tickled away until he was calm again. He had to think of sunshine again.

“I was just being cautious,” said Rey.

Organa nodded. “Of course, but I don’t think that he is violent… not now.”

Kalonia took the tube with the ointment out of her bag and put some of it on his wrists. She massaged it in. 

It felt so nice. Again he felt a warm feeling spreading in his chest, but he didn’t understand why.

After she had finished, he pulled his shirt up, hoping that she would put ointment on the burn marks. He didn’t need it for the pain; he was used to it. But the feeling… he wanted to see how that felt on his chest.

But Kalonia only nodded. “It’s healing well.” She grabbed her bag and stepped out of the cell. Hux felt disappointed; he lowered his shirt again, pressing his lips together. Silly. He really was weak.

He saw from the corner of his eye that Rey was looking at him with a frown. He knew that look. It was disgust, she was probably thinking that he was pathetic. And she was right. Not only had he flinched like a cadet, he had actually hoped that the good doctor would touch him again. He pulled the edges of his mouth down.

_‘Weak, useless like a slip of paper.’_

“That would be all for today,” said Organa. She sounded calm. He glanced at her, she was smiling at him. Suddenly he knew that she didn’t despise him.

The guards put the handcuffs on his wrists as Rey and Organa left.

Hux watched Organa's back as she walked out of the door. He didn’t know why he got the feeling that she didn’t hate him, didn’t feel disgusted by his very sight. Well, she conducted the interrogation personally, perhaps she did respect him as her peer? Yes, that must be it. Even if he had fallen way beyond her status, she still acknowledged him. The thought made him calm.

To his surprise LaVelle and Unamo didn’t bring him to the lake. Instead they brought him to the airfield on the other side of the Base.

He stopped at the entrance, frowning.

“I need a break from the lake,” said LaVelle as she noticed his hesitation.

“I see,” said Hux and started to walk towards his old spot where he had walked in circles.

Suddenly they heard a man calling out. “Hey!”

They turned and saw the guardian of the cadets coming towards them. The cad- the children were with him.

“Riqabu, what are you guys doing here?” asked Unamo.

“We are on duty,” said LaVelle. “Perhaps we can talk later?”

“The kids made something for you guys, it won’t take long,” replied Riqabu. He turned around. “Come on.”

The girl stepped forward and gave Unamo a wrinkled piece of flimsi. Hux craned his neck to see what was on it; it was a colourful drawing of… figures. The proportions were off, but it seemed as if she had drawn Unamo standing next to the lake.

The boy was next and quickly gave LaVelle another piece of flimsi. An equal disproportionate figure that supposedly depicted LaVelle could be seen on it.

“They wanted to thank you for the other day - right?”

“Yes,” said the children in unison.

Riqabu straightened his back, took a step towards Hux and shoved two pieces of flimsi into his hands. Hux’s eyes went wide. He had some difficulty to turn the pieces of flimsi with his bound hands. There was a grey-clad figure with red hair on both drawings. Hux assumed this was supposed to be him.

“Uh-”

“They wanted to draw you too,” said Riqabu in a cool voice. “They don’t know yet who you are. But they will learn soon enough.”

With these words he took the children's hands and led them away. When they were out of earshot, LaVelle scoffed. “He should have told them.”

Unamo shrugged. “He is right. They will learn soon enough.”

Hux stared at the drawings. It was probably the worst art he had ever seen. A doodle with wild colouring and an inaccurate depiction of the size of the lake and some trees beside it. He himself was drawn way too tall, taller even than the trees.

But it was also the first gift without any strings attached. The first one he had ever received that wasn’t a bribe or a thinly veiled threat.

“Do you want me to throw them away?” asked Unamo and reached out with his hand, ready to take the drawings.

“No, that would be… impolite,” Hux said. “I will keep them until tonight.”

Unamo shrugged. “Alright.”

Sergeant Tico eyed him when they shackled him to the workbench. LaVelle even checked twice if he was bound properly with his right leg.

Hux put the children’s drawings on the workbench, but turned them face down so that nobody would see what they were. He felt a little silly that he hadn’t just handed them over to Unamo. But the truth was that he wanted to look at them once more in the evening. Then he would throw them away.

“Caf?” asked Tico.

“Yes, please.”

She got two mugs and put one on his workbench.

“Sergeant Tico, I- I thought about yesterday when I was p-”

“I’m not going to apologize!” she interrupted.

He blinked. “No, no, of course not. It’s about your conductive gel.”

She blushed a little. “Ah.”

“I think I might have an idea how to gather empirical data to conclude if it works.”

“You do?” she asked with a frown.

“With a reverse engineered UZ-cube it should be possible. It’s quite small but it should suffice.”

Her eyes lit up. “We need an anti-gravity platform of course.” She rubbed her chin. “Hm, but the gear isn’t the problem. The frequency-”

“I have made some calculations you can test.”

“What?”

He shrugged. “There wasn’t much to do while I was paralysed.”

She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. Stars, she really was pretty. He briefly wondered if her hair was as silky and soft as it looked.

“Are those your calculations?” Tico asked, derailing his train of thought. She walked over to his workbench and took the drawings.

“No, wait-” he tried, but it was already too late. She had turned the sheets of flimsi around and stared at the drawings.

She gaped at him. “What is this?”

He shifted on his chair. “The children drew some pictures for Private LaVelle, Private Unamo and myself.” He made an effort to sound indifferent.

She looked at the drawings again. “You kept them? Why in the Galaxy didn’t you just throw them away?”

“It would have been impolite.” He glanced at them. “I will dispose of them later.”

She looked down on him. “Impolite, huh? Stars, you really are only made out of rules and regulation, aren’t you? Not one single genuine feeling. Are you even human? You aren’t even angry at me for shocking you.”

He sat up straighter. He couldn’t allow himself to be weak. “Of course I’m not angry, as my jailer you are allowed to discipline me as you see fit.” There, that was a professional answer, he thought with satisfaction.

She stared at him, he got the feeling that she hadn’t liked his answer, but he didn’t know why. It had been appropriate after all.

She frowned. “Okay, whatever. Where are your calculations?”

“I didn’t have anything to write - and as already mentioned, I was paralysed. I did them in my head. So, if you have another napkin, I can-”

“You did the calculations in your head? That’s advanced electro-physics!”

“Keep it down!” yelled Raabat from his workplace at the other end of the room. “Don’t make me come back there!”

Tico sighed and lowered her voice. “Are you serious?”

“For the third time, I was paralysed-”

“That was a rhetorical question, you dork!”

“Don’t call me that!” he hissed.

_‘Idiot boy, can’t do anything right.’_ Hux could still hear him.

She was apparently surprised at his outburst. “What’s the matter with you?”

“I’m not stupid!”

She put her hands on her hips. “I never said that you are stupid.”

That caught him off guard. Silly, of course she hadn’t. She hadn’t called him stupid, she had called him a dork, that was a significant semantic difference, he-

“I could give you an ancient datapad to write it down,” she said.

A genius like her did probably think that he was a dork. How could she not? He had lost everything, was nothing now. He cast his eyes down.

He could hear how she went back to her workbench and rummaged in a drawer. Then she came back and put a datapad on his workbench.

“Its modem is beyond repair, so you can’t connect to anything without a physical connection. You can write your calculations on it, though.”

He nodded and took it. It really was ancient. He started it up and started to type.

About two hours later he was staring at the last calculation, it wasn’t working. He had made an error… but where?

He rubbed his temple. Why couldn’t he find the error?

_‘Idiot boy, can’t do anything right.’_

_‘I’m sorry, fath- Commander.’_

_‘I’m not talking to you, boy! I’m talking to Admiral Sloane. I’m telling you, Rae… just as useless as his dumb mother.’_

Hux could feel a headache coming up. He massaged his neck. Why couldn’t he find the error?

“Do you want another mug of caf?” asked Tico.

He raised his head, he hadn’t heard that she had stepped next to him. “Yes, thank you,” he said.

She went to get the cafs and put a fresh mug on his workbench. “You can take a break if you want. You have been staring at that pad for hours.”

“It’s alright,” he said in a low voice. He just had to focus more, had to keep going. He wasn’t a dork, she would show her. Prove it to her.

If only he could find the error.

“You don’t look so fine, I think you should take a break.”

He frowned and looked up. “I need to finish this.”

“You can finish this later. First, you will sit back, take a sip of caf and relax.”

“I’m not weak,” he said. “I don’t need a break.”

“Everybody needs to take a break, that has nothing to do with being ‘weak’. I can tell that you’re stuck on something from the way you glare at that pad.”

She knew? Of course, a woman like her would see right through him. He groaned and leaned back in his chair.

Tico went back to her workbench and something clicked. Soft music started to play. Hux grabbed the caf and took a gulp. She started to sing along in a very quiet voice.

The singing event Commander Dameron had come up with would surely soon take place. He wondered briefly how Sergeant Tico would sound if she sang out aloud. He had little doubt that she would be great - after all, she was so talented at everything she did. Unlike him.


	11. Visitors

When he finally found the error - somehow he had put a comma where a point should be - he closed his eyes and exhaled. Kriff! It had taken him long enough.

“Hey, Rose!”

Hux turned his head and saw FN-2187 walking forwards Tico. Hux did his best to ignore him and double-checked his calculations.

“Hi, Finn!” he could hear the smile in her voice.

“We missed you at the party - a pity that you couldn’t come.”

“Uh, well… I had stuff to repair, so…”

Why was FN-2187 continuing to try to sabotage her work ethic? She obviously had a lot of work to do.

“You don’t need to apologize. I just wanted to tell you that we missed you because-” he cleared his throat. “- well, we miss you.”

“I know. It’s just- I feel more at ease when I’m working. I mean, I like hanging out with you guys, but… it feels like I’m forgetting about her.”

Hux now gave up to check his calculations. He listened closely.

“You know that it’s not true, right? You have to live your life. You can’t spend the rest of your life in a dark repair shop.”

“I know.” She sighed. “I think I just need a little more time.”

“Alright, move at your own pace. If you ever want to talk, you can come to me. Or Poe, or Rey. Or anybody else.”

“I know,” she repeated.

“And you can tell General Organa if it’s too much to keep Hux around. I don’t know why she asked you to look after him.”

“You know why,” she replied in a low voice.

“That doesn’t mean that I have to approve of it.” FN-2187 sighed. “Well, I’m off then. See you later.”

“Bye.”

FN-2187 left after glancing at Hux.

So General Organa had specifically asked Sergeant Tico to ‘look after him’? What did that mean? He thought about asking her, but he didn’t know how to phrase the question.

Instead he turned around and lifted the datapad. “Sergeant Tico, I have finished my calculations.”

She got up and took the pad out of his hand. “That’s great. Now we just have to run the numbers once we have assembled the device itself.” There was a half-smile visible on her lips.

Hux pressed his lips together and didn’t say anything. He turned back on his chair and started to solder the motherboards. He had expected to feel good after finishing his task, but he felt uneasy, empty almost. It had taken too long to find the error. Much too long. Inefficient.

After dinner he put the tray in the drawer and sat down on his cot. He still felt empty. He kept thinking about how Tico had said ‘Not one single genuine feeling’. When they first met in the repair shop, she had said that he was only a puppet, ‘dangling on strings pulled by some puppeteer’.

LaVelle and Unamo had referred to him as an ‘empty uniform’.

How odd that he even remembered. They were right, of course, he was nothing. He had worked very hard to fill the very uniform his father had given him, watched with envy how some just seemed to ease into it, making it their own without much effort. 

Not with him, he had to learn. To bend until it fit, had to read up on how to lead, how to talk to his troops. After all his hard work… it hadn’t been enough.

He wasn’t hard, he was soft and weak like his mother.

His sight fell on the drawings on the chair next to his cot. They were laying on top of the books General Organa had given him.

General Organa… at least she seemed to respect him. Using her precious time to interrogate him. Asking him questions - even about himself. It felt good. For a moment he wished it was already morning so that she could come and ask her three questions. To her, he mattered.

He looked again at the drawings. He took them and studied them. He hadn’t noticed this morning, but they had drawn him with his handcuffs. But he was holding his hands above him like a gesture of victory.

The children had drawn these doodles for him. It felt nice. It was ridiculous, but he wanted to keep them, perhaps look at them another time. He felt ashamed. Weak.

But today he didn’t care. He wouldn’t throw away these presents. His jailers didn’t need to know about his weakness. He folded the sheets of flimsi and put them into “The Metamorphosis”.

He was doing push-ups and squats to ease the tension that had settled in his neck when the doors slid open. To his surprise it wasn’t one of the guards who was coming to collect the dinner tray, but Sergeant Tico.

She was holding a rather large cube in her hands; she had obviously already put the device together to test her gel. It really shouldn’t surprise him, she was brilliant as she was efficient.

“Evening,” she said and put the cube on the chair where usually General Organa sat.

“Good evening, Sergeant Tico,” he said.

She slapped her hand on the cube. “As you can see, I put it together. Let’s see if your calculations check out.”

“You didn’t already do test-runs?”

She pressed her lips together. “No, I wanted to do the first test with you.”

He frowned. “Why?”

“Because you came up with the idea, of course. It felt unfair to do the tests without you.” She rubbed her hands together, opened her mouth, closed it, opened it again and said finally: “You looked sad.”

“I-”

“I keep saying this horrible stuff to you because I think that it will make me feel better. Less angry, less… I don’t know.” She sat down on the floor and hugged her knees. “But the only thing it accomplishes is that I feel terrible. I’m telling myself that it doesn’t matter if I’m being mean to you because you’re not a real person.” She blinked. “But that’s not true. And today you looked so sad that I-” she interrupted herself and wiped over her face. “My sister always told me that there is too much sadness in the Galaxy.”

She sniffled and pulled her legs closer to her chest.

“She’s dead now. She was a bomber pilot and she was killed when she blew up the _Fulminatrix_. It was the _Cobalt Hammer_ by the way - she loved that ugly ship.” She blinked again. “She is dead, my sweet big sister is dead because of you. Because of me. Because of this awful war.”

Hux remembered the end of the _Fulminatrix _only too well. Supreme Leader Snoke had been most displeased with his performance.

“A MG-100 StarFortress SF-17,” he said, “I remember.” He touched his lower lip.

“When I heard that we have taken you captive I played through the whole conversations with you,” she continued. “I imagined how I would yell at you, accuse you, hit you, making you beg for your life. I sneaked once into the surveillance room on the medbay when Dr. Kalonia was done patching you up. You looked so frail in that kolto tank, I had thought that it would feel good to see you with your broken bones, but it didn’t.” She ran her hand through her hair. “I didn’t understand. Why couldn’t I gloat?”

Hux didn’t know what to say and remained silent.

“I think General Organa knew. That’s why she asked me to keep an eye on you in the repair shop. Hate doesn’t help anybody, not even the people I want to avenge. And that’s not even some lofty for-a-better-galaxy-stuff; it’s just how it is.” She gulped. “And I think even you know that.”

“What makes you say that?” he asked in a quiet voice.

“Because I think that’s all you have ever known. And somehow I don’t think that worked out for you.”

“Perhaps not,” he replied. “But I have to admit - there has only been one person that I have truly hated - truly hated in a teeth gritting, gut wrenching way. I hated him so much that it made me physically ill just thinking about him.” He licked his lips. “In the end, I killed him. In a very gruesome way, I might add. Poison.”

“Did it help?”

“Oh, it was very satisfying. But it didn’t help.” He tapped on his head with his finger. “He’s still here. I can still hear him. I thought that I had poisoned him, but in truth it’s his venom that is running through my veins.”

“Who was he?”

“My father, Commander Brendol Hux.” He scoffed. “I kept it a secret that I killed him, but I think Snoke knew. He knew everything.”

“Why are you telling me now?”

“You were talking about hate.”

She inhaled. “That I did. You know what’s odd? Finn told me that I should talk to anybody about my feelings. Didn’t think it would be you.”

“I think it makes sense. I’m the focus of your anger, it seems logical to tell me about your negative feelings.” He shrugged. “Besides: Who am I to judge?”

“Huh, now that you mention it… yeah.” She crooked an eyebrow. “You aren’t my anger focus by the way.”

“I am not?”

She scoffed. “I actually like working with you.” She exhaled. “There, now I have said it.”

He almost couldn’t believe his ears. How was this possible? “Y-you do?”

“Duh, you’re brilliant and you understand what I’m working on. It’s easy to talk to you… about work stuff, I mean.”

“Likewise.”

They remained silent for a few moments.

“How about we test the prototype?” she asked.

“Yes, please.”

She leaned over and activated the cube. The subprocessor inside was lifted up by the force fields and hovered in the centre.

Again they were silent. But it wasn't an uncomfortable, awkward silence. They were just calm.

When LaVelle came to pick up the tray she stopped at the threshold when she saw Tico.

“What is this?” She asked while pointing at the cube.

“We are testing a new conductive gel, it's based on-” began Tico.

“Okay, okay. I don't need to know as long that you guarantee that you're not blowing up the Base.”

“I promise that this is just a harmless test,” said Tico with a smile.

“And I guess there is a good reason why you're doing this test in here?”

“Sure, Hux came up with the idea. And it's not like he has anything else to do.”

LaVelle sighed. “Alright.” She took the tray and left.

Hux got up and stepped closer to the force field of his cell.

“Your superior will hear about this. He won't be pleased that you waste work time with me,” he said.

“My shift ended hours ago. In fact, I think my friends will be relieved that I left the workshop for once. Although they won't like that I'm here instead of the Cantina, or the lake.”

“Well, I for one think it's admirable that you prioritize work before leisure,” said Hux.

She smiled sadly. “Not really. There is much work to do, but the truth is that I bury myself in work to distract myself from-, well, you know.”

He kneaded his hands. Memories of a rumbling deep under his feet resurfaced. “I did that too.”

“Did it work for you?”

“From time to time.”

She wiped over her face. “Yeah, it's not the best coping mechanism, is it?”

They stared at the cube, both being silent for a couple of minutes.

“The lights will go out soon,” he said.

“I should get going then. This will take another 18 hours to complete.” She stood up and took the cube. “Good night, Hux.”

“Good night, Sergeant.”

He was again on Starkiller Base. Someone was again holding his hand, slowly he turned his head to see if it was again the woman with short blonde hair. At first he couldn’t see her face, a ray of sunshine blinded him like the last time.

He lifted his free hand to shield his eyes against the light, she turned to face him. She was tall… no he was small, a child. Finally he could see her face. She had a narrow nose, high cheekbones and soft lips. He didn’t recognize her, but she looked very familiar.

She looked down on him and smiled. There was so much affection and tenderness in this smile, in her eyes that he felt warm.

It started to rain, heavy raindrop fell on his face. The scenery changed and they were standing in a dark room; she was holding a white towel. “You are soaked,” she said.

She came over and started to dry him. Her soft touches felt good, the towel was fluffy and soft.

“I told you not to go out in the rain, Armitage,” she continued. “You will catch a cold.”

“I won’t, mom,” he replied in a child’s voice.

Hux jerked up from the cot, his heart racing. Images from the dream were tumbling through his mind. The face of his mother becoming more unclear the more he tried to focus on it.

He got up and washed his face in the sink. Was it a dream? Was it a memory? A by-product of his stim withdrawal? And why was he dreaming of- of this woman after all these years.

He stared at his dim reflection in the mirror, only the bluish light of the force field illuminated the room.

He saw a narrow nose, high cheekbones and those damned soft lips he hated to much.

_‘Look at him. This soft face tells you everything you need to know about his willpower. No assertiveness whatsoever.’_

It had been a memory, he was certain now. His father had been right, he looked like his idiotic mother - a lowly stupid servant.

_‘Thick as a brick, thin and weak. A common wrench who could barely read. I did her a favour when I shot her in the head. She cried and begged like the simple creature she was.’_

His chest started to hurt, it felt like an iron grip had taken hold of his heart. It was all her fault! She was weak, soft and dim-witted! Hux clenched his hands to fists. If only she had been smart enough to get rid of him while she still could! If only she had been cunning enough to keep herself alive! If only she had tried to run away!

He forced himself to relax his hands and took a deep breath. No, no he had to keep calm. He was just confused because of this odd memory.

He had to stay calm and analyse what he remembered. He exhaled. This was the only memory he had of her, the all the other information came from his father.

So they had been somewhere, she had been holding his hand and the sun was shining. So she had spent time with him. He had gotten wet in a rain storm and she had dried him with a towel.

It made sense, she had taken care of him when he was little. His father had probably tasked her to look after him. She had been a servant, so it was logical that he had paid her. Yes, and she had scolded him for being out in the rain because she didn’t want to get in trouble if he caught a cold, causing her more work.

Hux sat down on the cot.

She had smiled… probably because she was simple-minded. Perhaps she hadn’t even understood that he had ruined her life. A burden. He wondered if his father had at least given her a decent pay.

Unamo put the tray with the breakfast in the drawer. “Looks like Rose didn’t blow up this place after all.”

“Private LaVelle told you?” asked Hux and took the tray out on his side.

“Of course. It doesn’t happen every day that you get a visitor.”

“You would be surprised.” Hux lifted the lid off the tea and inhaled the scent. “So far General Organa, Lieutenant Connix, Commander Dameron, FN-2187-”

“Who?”

“Erm, Finn he calls himself now… Sergeant Tico, Dr. Kalonia and, uh, Rey have visited me.”

“Quite the list.”

“I’m afraid that it isn’t because of my conversation skills.”

Unamo chuckled. “Perhaps not.”

He left and Hux ate his breakfast.


	12. Calculating

About an hour later General Organa, Lieutenant Connix and Rey entered. Hux made an effort to look indifferent, but he didn’t like the idea that Rey was present. The thought of her Force powers made him uneasy.

“Good morning, Hux,” said General Organa with a smile. 

“Good morning, General Organa.” It felt good seeing her again, he liked her presence. Probably because so far she had been respectful towards him.

“We owe you three additional questions from the last time,” she said. “You may ask me or Rey.”

“Master Rey, what is your correct title?” he asked. It was strange to call her ‘Rey’ after all.

She looked surprised. “I don’t have a title. You can just call me Rey.”

“That seem inappropriate, Master Rey.”

“I’m no master, but if you prefer you can call me that..,” she said with a shrug.

He frowned. “What is your function then?”

“I don’t understand. I’m with the Resistance, that’s all. I have no official function.”

How peculiar. How did she know who she was, what her competences were if she didn’t have an official function?

He directed his gaze towards Organa. “Why did you ask Sergeant Tico to watch over me in the repair shop?” He didn’t feel the need to explain further. He was quite certain that somebody had watched the footage from the evening and told her.

“Because I wanted her to see that you are a human being and not a monster.”

Hux frowned. That had been surprisingly straight-forward. Tico had been right then, Organa had sent him to her with an explicit goal.

“Would you return to the First Order if you could escape?” Organa asked, leaning on her crane.

He considered the questions for a moment. “No, they would kill me if I did. I made a lot of enemies to get where I was.”

Organa nodded at Master Rey. 

“So they would kill you even though you have worked on or even designed the most important weapon projects?” Rey asked.

“The risk would be too great. And I never worked on the projects alone. There are thousands of engineers with the same level of expertise - Supreme Leader Snoke used to remind me of that.”

Rey tilted her head a little. “Do you dream often, Hux?”

He froze. Why was she asking? How did she know? He had heard rumors that Force users could read minds, but up until now he had thought that these rumors had no base in reality. “I decline to answer,” he said quickly.

Rey scanned his face and something told him that she knew more than she let on.

“It’s your turn again,” said Organa in her usual calm voice.

“Why did you ask me about my dreams, Master Rey?”

“You often sleep restless,” Rey said. “I wondered if there was a reason for that. For example if you ever dreamt of the deed you have done.”

Was she telling the truth? Hux wasn’t sure. But if she was lying it was a silly lie - and what would be the point? Damn it, if she hadn’t lied he had just tipped his hand.

He chewed on his lower lip. He decided to answer her question. “I used to take stims against the dreams. And yes, they involved- they involve Starkiller.”

He began to pace back and forth. “General Organa, why have you asked Master Rey to join the interrogation?”

Organa chuckled. “I’m an old woman. And I was... wounded on board of the _Raddus_.” Her voice faltered for a fraction of a second. “I have cheated death many times. But it will claim me eventually. I would be foolish not to share the burden of command with my successors.”

He gulped. The legendary Rebel leader was struggling with her health? Somehow he had thought that she was almost immortal. She had bested them all - Emperor Sidious, Darth Vader and even the First Order hadn’t managed to defeat her.

Organas smile faded. “‘Perhaps soon, some day or night while I am singing, my voice will

suddenly cease’. I always loved this poem, it’s poignant and hopeful at the same time. I just thought I had more time.”

“Are you ill?” he asked in a low voice.

“Of course, at my age everybody is ill. But I know that’s not what you asked. I-”

“General…” said Rey.

Organa lifted her hand. “No, I want to tell him. Dr. Kalonia could give you all the details, but suffice to say that even the most advanced kolto treatment can’t beat time. My body is failing me.” She lifted her crane and let its tip fall on the floor. “So much to do and so little time.” She shook her head. Then she smiled again. “But I mustn't fret. It’s the way of the Galaxy. Everybody else has already departed.” She looked down on her hands. “My husband, my brother, my friends… I am the only one left standing. Probably because I’m too stubborn to let go. But eventually I will have to.” 

She inhaled and blinked. “I had hoped-” she interrupted herself. “Look at me, rambling like the old woman I am. I’m afraid I’m tired now. If you will excuse me.”

Without waiting for Hux to answer she turned and slowly walked towards the exit. Rey was by her side, watching her with a sorrowful look on her face.

Hux was not certain what he should do with this intel. He felt a sense of loss although he should be glad that the famed General Organa would soon no longer command the Rebels. 

It was ignoble. A legendary military commander like her deserved to die in battle, with her head held high. Not like- like a commoner in her bed.

Moments later Unamo and LaVelle appeared. Unamo stepped in front of the cell, LaVelle readied her blaster rifle and Connix lowered the force field - like always. Hux held out his hands and waited until the binders had clicked.

Did they know that their leader was ill? He wanted to ask them but couldn’t figure out how to breach the topic.

They led him to the beach, to their usual spot in the shadow of the trees. 

It was warm but it wasn’t as hot as a few days before. The shore of the lake was empty.

“Man, I’m really looking forward to that singing event,” said Unamo.

LaVelle shrugged. “I guess it will be fun.”

“Why are you always so grumpy?”

“Grumpy? We are at war!”

Unamo narrowed his eyes. “Do you really think I have forgotten? That I could ever forget?”

LaVelle sighed. “I’m sorry, okay. I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just-” she stared at Hux. “He and his ilk are killing us. And all we do is hiding here.”

Unamo hesitated for a moment. “You know that we need to build up our strength. Crait was-”

“A kriffing disaster.”

Unamo looked at Hux. “Where were you on Crait?”

Hux sat up straighter. “I was in the command shuttle, overseeing the battle with Supreme Leader Ren.”

Unamo looked surprised. He probably hadn’t expected Hux to answer. “Were you there when Master Skywalker and Ren fought?”

“Yes.”

“What happened?” Unamo asked with a half-smile on his lips. “I hear Skywalker wiped the floor with him.”

Hux scoffed. That would have been a sight. “I don’t know. The Supreme Leader chose to throw me in a wall for questioning his orders.” He cast his eyes down. “I was unconscious for a while. When I woke up it was all over.”

“What orders did you question?” asked Unamo.

He had said too much already. “I decline to answer.”

LaVelle crooked an eyebrow. “What did you expect? There is a reason why they’re interrogating him. If he spilled his beans to every Joe that asked General Organa wouldn’t waste her time.”

Unamo leaned back against the tree behind him. “He doesn’t need to say anything. Look at him, how he sits and talks - he’s a military man head to toe. He wouldn’t have wasted time on a single man, even if it was Luke Skywalker. He would have pressed the advantage and tried to crush us when he had the chance.”

Hux pressed his lips together.

“See, I’m right. But Ren wanted to duel the Master Skywalker - I bet that’s why he knocked you off your feet.”

LaVelle blanched. “You wanted to finish us off, didn’t you?”

“Of course I wanted to annihilate my enemies,” snapped Hux. “It wasn’t Skywalker who saved you on Crait - it was Ren. Ren with his moronic fixation on Skywalker!”

“You will shut up now,” hissed LaVelle. “Or I will crack your skull open with the butt of my rifle.” 

Unamo gulped. “Come on, I asked him-”

“Look at that smug face of his, I-” she stopped talking in mid-sentence. A range of expressions rushed over her face until she became very still. “You’re right.”

“Let’s go back,” said Unamo.

Tico was bent over an astro-droid. When she looked up she beamed at Hux. He almost stopped walking, his heartbeat accelerated. He hadn’t expected her to smile at him like that.

“Only two hours left for our experiment!” she said and put her hydro-spanner down.

LaVelle shackled him to the workbench and left with Unamo.

Tico went to a corner of her work-space and pulled the cube out. She put it on Hux’s workbench.

“Any aberrancy?” he asked and leaned forward to get a closer look at the subprocessor hovering in the middle of the box.

She leaned down as well, and brushed his arm as she pulled a scanner out of tool belt. The contact was so quickly over that he didn’t have time to react. She didn’t seem to notice and scanned the cube.

“Everything is within parameters.”

He cleared his throat. “Then we just have to wait.”

She went back to her workbench and turned music on. Hux started to work on his own assignment. He was distracted, his thoughts returned to the moment when her hand had brushed his arm.

He could hear her sing along. She sang so quietly that he almost couldn’t hear her. “I-if you want you can sing louder,” he said without facing her. He could feel himself blush. “I don’t mind.”

“Really?” She turned the music a little up. “Thanks, the singing event is in a couple of days. And I- well, I’m not sure if I should participate.”

He turned to face her. What was he supposed to say? “Why not?” he asked cautiously.

“I don’t know.” She stared at her hydro-spanner. “I mean, I’m not bad at it… but I have never done it alone.”

Ah, she had mentioned to FN-2187 that her sister had been the singer in the family. “FN-2187 didn’t say that you have to sing alone,” he said.

“Who?”

“Erm, Finn - he didn’t say that you have to sing alone.”

She frowned. “Why did you call him FN-2… whatever?”

“That’s his designation.”

“Not anymore.” She sighed. “You don’t want to be called ‘General’ anymore; he doesn’t want to be called this number anymore. Just call him ‘Finn’.”

He thought about it. She was right of course. FN-2187 wasn’t a Stormtrooper anymore. “I understand.”

“But you’re right,” she continued, “perhaps I shouldn’t sing alone.”

“Where will this event take place?”

“In the Cantina. Poe wanted to do it at the lake but the acoustics are too bad out there.”

“And when?”

“Tomorrow at 20 o’clock. Why do you ask?”

He had hoped it would be during the day, so that he could hear her sing. But it was too late. It was silly, he shouldn’t even think about it. “I just wondered how much time you have to practice.”

“Hey, I’m not that bad!” she said with fake indignation.

He smiled. “I didn’t say you were.”

About two hours later they checked the cube. Hux registered that he was excited to see if it had worked out. Judging from the gleam in her eyes Tico was also enthused. 

“Hm, it looks good!” she said.

“It seems that the first trial had gone through. Shall we set up the next one?”

“Sure, I managed to scrape together more pieces. I think I can whip up another cube. We need to gather more data after all.”

“We could modify the cubes so that they could hold two subprocessors at once,” he suggested. “All we need to do is to change the frequency and add three more force fields.”

“Great idea, can you do the math?”

“Sure, would you hand me the datapad?”

She rummaged in a drawer and pulled it out. “I will go get some caf. Want a mug?”

“Yes, please.”

She gave him the pad and headed to the caf machine. Hux activated the pad and pulled his old calculations up. He could use them as a foil to calculate the new frequency. It would still take a few hours, of course.

Just before he could finish the calculations LaVelle and Unamo appeared. “Shift is over,” said Unamo and knelt down to release Hux.

“Can I take this with me to finish the calculations?” Hux asked.

“No electronic devices in your cell,” said LaVelle. “Finish it tomorrow.”

Hux got up and handed it back to Tico. Her fingers brushed his when she took it, her touch was fleeting and soft - and still it electrified him. His fingers seemed to tingle where she had touched him. He couldn’t help but look at her for a moment before he tore his gaze away.

LaVelle gave him a strange look and frowned.

He made an effort to arrange his face into a neutral expression.

“Okay, I will see if I can finish the calculations on my own,” Tico said. She didn’t seem to notice the effect she was having on him. “Perhaps I will show up later if I get stuck.”

The prospect of seeing her so soon again made him content. “Alright.”

Unamo put the handcuffs on him and lead him away.

A few minutes later he was in his cell again.

As soon as the guards were out of sight he pulled the sleeve of his shirt back and caressed his inner wrist. It still didn’t feel like back then when Dr. Kalonia had touched him. He wondered how it would feel if Tico touched it. Would there be tingling?

“What are you doing?” a voice rang out.

Hux jerked his head up and covered his wrist. “Nothing.”

LaVelle was standing in the threshold of his room, holding the tray with his food. She frowned. “You were doing something. Were you hiding something in your sleeve?”

“No.”

She put the tray in the drawer. “Don’t think that we don’t keep an eye on you just because Tico is getting friendly with you. Show me your wrists.”

He got up and rolled his sleeves up. Then he took the tray out of the drawer. He sat down on the cot and lifted the lid. Some sort of pasta with a green sauce he didn’t recognize.

He looked up and noticed that LaVelle was still staring at him. Her eyes were hard and her lips were pressed into a thin line. She turned on her heel and left.

Just after dinner Tico showed up with the datapad in her hand.

“I think I got it - have a look,” she said and held the pad close to the force field.

As expected it was flawless, she was ingenious after all. “It checks out.”

“Great, so I will build another cube later and then we can implement the changes tomorrow.” She took a few steps back. “I found a choir for the singing event, by the way. That’s why I won’t build the cube now. But I will start tomorrow first thing in the morning.”

“Alright.”

“Bye,” she said and left.

Hux looked at her as she was leaving. He was already looking forward to working with her again.

His thoughts returned to the singing event. He was curious what kind of choir it was. He had no idea where the Cantina was on the Base but if he was lucky he could hear the music.

Should he ask Organa tomorrow if he could attend? No, no, that wasn’t appropriate. He was their prisoner.


	13. Adagio

Like the day before, General Organa, Master Rey and Lieutenant Connix visited him for the interrogation.

“Tell us about the Mandator IV-class Siege Dreadnought. What’s the crew complement?” asked Organa after she had sat down on the chair.

“Overall 215.000 crew members, 53.000 officers, 22.000 stormtroopers and 140.000 enlisted personnel.”

“And how many Internal Security officers?” asked Rey.

“Approximately 10.000.”

She exhaled and looked at General Organa before asking the next question: “Do you like to play Pazaak?”

“I used to play it at the Academy. I’m afraid I was never good at it.” He realised that he hadn’t answered the question. Silly. Master Rey wasn’t really interested in the answer. “Uh, I like it well enough.”

What was she thinking about him? Did she see him as a gnat like Ren? He realised that he had to ask a question. “Do you like to play pazaak, Master Rey?”

“Uh, yes, I do.” She licked her lips. “I only learned it recently - Rose- Sergeant Tico taught me. It’s- it’s fun.” She crossed her arms.

“Were you always strong in the Force?”

“Yes, but I didn’t know how to use it.” She lifted her chin. “But now I do.”

Hux shifted his seat. “How does it feel?” Snoke and Ren had talked about it at length in his presence but they had barely acknowledged him when they did.

“I- don’t know how to describe it,” she said.

Hux frowned. So she wouldn’t tell him, he thought bitterly. Withhold information like Snoke had, looking down on him because he wasn’t Force sensitive. In a way it was like the circumstances of his birth. A stain he could never remove, no matter how hard he worked.

He would always be the cur, the Force-blind mongrel.

Rey looked at him in exhaled. “Do you know the feeling when a warm evening wind caresses your face? It’s nice and comforting. Not too hot or too cold.”

He hesitated shortly. “Yes…”

“You can taste where it is coming from, sometimes it carries the scent of an ocean far away. Sometimes you can smell the scent of wood, fire or hot metal. It tells you things when you know how to read it.”

He leaned forward, listening intently.

She gestures with her hands. “The Force feels for me like this wind. Sometimes I get a feeling from it and if I wield it it feels like warm air on the skin. It surrounds everything, connects every living being with each other.”

“Every living being?” He realised that he had asked a fourth question. “Ah, I apologize. I had my three questions.”

Rey nodded. “You did. We can talk about this tomorrow.”

General Organa struggled a little to get up from the chair, but Rey helped her. Hux noticed that Connix had a concerned look on her face.

“See you tomorrow, Hux,” said Organa before she left.

Tico had already a mug of caf ready when he arrived at the repair shop. “I had to replace the EG-modules but-” she waved dramatically at the second cube on her workbench.

“I saw it already when I came in,” he dryly remarked.

She put her hands on her hips. “Spoilsport!” She shoved the caf in his hands. “I already modified the cubes to hold two subprocessors.”

“I thought you didn’t have time yesterday?”

“Yep, but I came in early today,” she said proudly. The bags under her eyes told him that she hadn’t probably slept at all. What a woman! What a work ethic! He thought with admiration.

“How many tries do you want to make, Sergeant?”

She grimaced. “At least thirty before I used the gel for real. Hundred would be better of course, but I’m afraid we don’t- er, I don’t have time for that.”

“How was practice yesterday?” he asked.

She froze for a moment. Then she cleared her throat. “Good, it was good. We sang the song a couple of times and they helped me with it.” She looked down at her caf. “It was fine.”

So she was doing fine? He was impressed. She obviously was very talented even in singing. He regretted that he didn’t at least try to ask if he could listen.

“What kind of song will you sing?”

“It’s a huttese lullaby - _Mee jewz ju._”

He took a gulp of caf. “I’m not familiar with it.”

She kneaded her hands. “Well, it’s a four-part choir with alternating rhythm. I used to sing something similar with my sister.”

“Will you sing one of the lead voices then?”

She frowned. “I-” She put her mug on the workbench. “Why are you so interested in the song, Hux?”

He felt caught. “I- I’m not.” He turned back to his workbench and took a circuit to do some soldering. He could hear her behind his back, he expected her to turn on the music like she often did, but the music didn’t start. They worked in silence.

“Where is the Cantina?” Hux asked as Unamo activated the force field.

Unamo scoffed. “Why do you want to know? Planning to go for a drink tonight?”

“I heard that the singing event is taking place tonight in the Cantina. I just wondered if it was far from here…” He had wanted to say that he wanted to listen, but the words wouldn’t leave his mouth. He just couldn’t say it.

“Don’t worry, it’s near the lake exit. Quite a bit away. The noise won’t bother you.”

“Ah,” was all he managed to say in return.

LaVelle smirked at him, but he didn’t understand why. Perhaps she was laughing about something he said?

He thumbed through “The Royal Game” until dinner was served. He re-read passages and mused about the mentioned destinations. Buenos Aires sounded strange, was it an Outer Rim Planet?

LaVelle appeared with the usual tray. Hux took it and was about to lift the lid to see what was on the menu when she spoke up.

“Unamo is a little slow on the uptake, but I am not.”

“Excuse me?” asked Hux.

“You asked about the music event because you want to go, don’t you?”

He could feel heat crawling up his cheeks. That’s why she had smirked, she had seen through him. Probably laughing at his feeble attempts to hide it.

“You like Sergeant Tico and you would like to see her perform, right?”

He pulled himself together. “That’s imprecise - she told me about the choir she’s singing in, and I’m… curious. That is all.”

She looked behind her and stepped closer to the cell. “Listen, I can take you there if you want. Technically I’m not allowed to, but if you keep quiet and let me cuff you, I will make sure that you see her.”

He gaped at her. “You would?”

She shrugged. “Sure, but you can’t tell anybody. If they find out we will both get trouble. I mean, I will get an earful from Lieutenant Connix, but you… you will likely lose your privileges. No visitors, no workshop. Nothing.”

He didn’t like the odds. What if they got caught? On the other hand, LaVelle had to be pretty sure that she wouldn’t get caught, otherwise she wouldn’t have suggested it.

He thought about Sergeant Tico. Just a little bit, if he could listen to her singing for a bit. “Alright.”

LaVelle put the handcuffs in the drawer. “Put them on. I’ll deactivate the force field after that. And don’t try anything.” She patted her hip holster with a blaster.

“What about the camera?” asked Hux.

“I reprogrammed the droid, won’t be a problem.”

He frowned. She reprogrammed it? That was bordering to sabotage. He wouldn’t have thought that LaVelle would do something like that. He pushed the thought away, it wasn’t his problem. He just wanted to hear Sergeant Tico sing.

He opened the drawer on his side and cuffed himself.

Hux was surprised about how quiet the Base was at this time of the night. The only sound was music coming from the hallway.

LaVelle ushered him through a semi-lit small hallway he had never seen before. The music was getting louder, someone was playing a Yavinese song accompanied by a guitar.

“In here,” whispered LaVelle and pushed him into a small room across the Cantina. If he craned his neck a little he could see the stage from afar. 

The Cantina was lit with colourful lights hanging from the ceiling, there were makeshift couches and chairs as well as tables. Despite the lack of decor, it looked cosy, intimate almost.

The Cantina was full, and when the song ended he could hear glasses clink and voices and laughs. It seemed that Commander Dameron’s idea was popular.

Their timing was perfect, the next act was the choir. He could see Sergeant Tico together with seven other people climbing on the stage.

The murmuring died down as soon as the first singer - a skinny olive-skinned human male started to sing. Soon a Twi’lek woman joined, and one after another started to sing. The song sounded corny, but the different voices made it pleasing to listen. 

Finally it was Tico’s turn; she started to sing, but her voice was drowned by the other’s voices. She looked timid and was barely moving her lips. It almost seemed like she was vanishing behind the other singers.

When they ended she looked down to the floor. Hux felt an iron grip around his heart. She had told him that it was ‘fine’, but it obviously hadn’t gone well. Why- why didn’t she have a lead voice? Didn’t she sing a similar song with her sister?

“Someone is coming, come back here,” whispered LaVelle suddenly.

Hux withdrew and went into the room LaVelle gestured him to. As soon as he stepped into the dimly lit room, his hackles rose. They weren’t alone anymore.

He turned to tell LaVelle, but when he saw that she was closing the door to the store room they were in, his breath faltered.

“Remember what I told you, Hux. You can’t tell anybody about this - or you will lose all your privileges,” said LaVelle.

His mouth was dry when he turned back. There were three soldiers, a Human woman, a Selkath male and a Bothan male. They glared at Hux.

Hux could feel his stomach turn, sweat started to run down his back. This was it, this is how he would die. He was cuffed, he had no chance against four opponents - not without a weapon.

“Finally we meet the infamous General Hux,” said the Selkath. “It’s an honour.”

“Oh, yes, it is,” snarled the Human. She took her uniform jacket off and cracked her knuckles.

The Bothan grabbed him by the lapels. “This is for my baby brother.” He pushed Hux away and hit him in the face with his fist.

The sharp pain from his nose was followed by the coppery taste of blood in his mouth. He fell on his knees. Blood was dripping from his face on the metallic floor.

“Hey, not in the face,” said LaVelle. “They will ask what happened if he has-”

“I don’t care,” said the Human and kicked Hux in the stomach.

Hux coughed and retched from the dull pain. The Human kicked two more time, Hux tried to shield his stomach so she stomped on his back.

“Come on, LaVelle. The scumbag deserves this,” said the Bothan. He grabbed Hux under his shoulders and dragged him back up. Hux was taller than him, but he couldn’t fight his superior strength.

The Selkath punched him in the face, Hux could feel his lip split. Blood was running down his chin, dripping on his grey shirt.

“Stop it!” said LaVelle. “That’s not what we agreed! You are supposed to scare him, slap him around for a bit, not-”

Hux couldn’t hear the rest when the Bothan threw him on the floor. He coughed and looked up towards LaVelle. “P- Private LaVelle…” he whispered.

She looked at him in horror, covering her mouth with her hand when the Human stomped on his right hand. Hux screamed as he heard the bones crack.

“Kriffing asshole! This is for the Hosnian System!” hissed the Bothan and kicked him in the ribcage.

The pain to his solar plexus made him almost black out, Hux vomited on the floor.

“As if you didn’t know what was going to happen when we get our hands on him, LaVelle,” said the Bothan. “We told you when we first asked you to bring him to us.”

The Human stood on Hux’s broken hand and he howled in pain, but she didn’t lift her boot. “Yeah, you turned us down a few times, but you were only being shy, didn’t you? You want to see this monster suffer like we do.”

The Selkath grabbed Hux by his hair and pulled his head up. “I don’t know why General Organa asked us to be nice to you - you don’t deserve it!” He pressed Hux’s face into his own vomit.

“That’s enough!” yelled LaVelle and suddenly everybody stepped back. 

Hux coughed and vomited again. The bitter taste of bile in his mouth made him almost retch again. Every bone in his body seemed to hurt, blood and vomit were dripping from his face as he tried to catch his breath.

He glanced upwards and saw that LaVelle was holding her blaster.

“You broke our agreement, you will now help me bring him back into his cell. And after that we will never speak again.”

The Bothan grabbed Hux and dragged him roughly to his feet. Hux’s head hurt and he felt dizzy, he couldn’t open one of his eyes. The Human and the Bothan hauled him back into his cell through the small dimly lit hallways that he had walked what seemed like only minutes before.

Everything was happening fast now; suddenly he was lying on the floor of his cell, the Selkath standing over him. His lip, his eye and his hand burned in pain and he groaned silently.

“What’s this?” he asked and grabbed one of the books from his chair.

“Just a book General Organa gave him, come on!” whispered LaVelle. 

“Just a sec, I have never seen one of those before.” He opened the book and a folded piece of flimsi fell out.

Hux groaned again and wanted to say something, but he didn’t know what and every movement of his jaw sent a burning ache through his head.

LaVelle quickly grabbed the piece of flimsi and unfolded it. She blanched when she saw what it was. “Why the kriff didn’t you throw it away?” she asked, visibly shaken.

“What, what is it?” asked the Human woman.

“It’s just some stupid doodle,” scoffed the Bothan. He ripped the flimisi out of LaVelle’s hands and held it close to Hux’s face. “Is that supposed to be you, you piece of shit? Why do you have something like that?”

Hux blinked slowly to focus on the drawing. It was the one the boy had made. He ignored the pain and mumbled: “I- I like looking at it,” he murmured. “It feels nice... looking at it.”

“That’s enough,” said LaVelle in a firm voice. “Put that down now and leave! Now!”

The Human scoffed. “You’re soft, LaVelle.”

The Bothan scrunched the drawing up and threw it on Hux. “Fine.”

Hux exhaled and closed his eyes; everything seemed to spin around him. He could hear footsteps receding. “Kriff!” said LaVelle. She was obviously still standing in his cell.

“Kriff,” she said again. “Hux, Hux, can you hear me?”

“Yes.” He felt sick, the searing pain in his skull was getting worse. “I’m tired. I need to sleep.” “No, no, no. You can’t sleep now. You need to stay awake.”

Hux couldn’t focus on her words, and darkness engulfed him.


	14. Regulations

He was dreaming about his mother, she was holding his hand, smiling at him. Suddenly they were in a kitchen, he was playing on the floor with… something. She took something out of the oven. A cake. She had baked a cake.

“Can I have a piece?” he asked.

She turned to look at him. But she didn’t smile, she looked tired, exhausted. “Of course not, silly boy. The cake is not for you.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t have time to answer your questions, Armie. Be quiet and keep playing.”

He knew that she would leave soon. Leave him in the kitchen until she returned. He didn’t like it.

The beeping of his chronometer made him wake up. The first thing he noticed was that he couldn’t move his hand properly. He groaned and opened his eyes, or at least one eye. He saw that his right hand was wrapped in a kolto bandage.

Yes. Now he remembered. The singing event. The storage room. LaVelle. He should have known better. He should have noticed that something was off.

The shrill beeping continued. Slowly he turned around and winced as his chest hurt. Finally he managed to reach the chronometer and the beeping ceased.

He gritted his teeth as he sat up. A sharp pain ran through his torso when he finally sat up straight. Only now he noticed that he was only wearing his sleeping pants, his bare chest had been wrapped in a kolto bandage just like his hand. He reached up to his left eye, which he was unable to open, and as expected, there was a kolto bandage there, too.

There was no way LaVelle had done all this by herself. They had been caught. He remembered how the Bothan had looked at the book… he turned his head and saw that both books were lying on the chair. On top of it was the crumpled drawing.

He pulled the corners of his mouth down, and his lower lip burned.

_‘Does it hurt, boy?’_

_‘No, sir.’_

_‘That’s right. Now get dressed, I expect you to be punctual.’_

He saw that there was a fresh set of clothes next to the sink. He slowly stood up and walked over, starting to dress himself.

It was quite toilsome to dress with just one hand, but he managed to finish it when the doors slid open and Unamo appeared with a tray in his hands.

He put the tray in the drawer. “They really did a number on you, huh?”

What was he supposed to say? That he had worse? That he had been naïve to trust LaVelle? In the end, he remained silent and took the tray.

“I made sure that they added the bland oatmeal you apparently like. Easier to eat.” Unamo waited for a moment before he turned and left.

Hux began to eat the oatmeal. It was true that he liked it, how Unamo had caught on it was beyond him. It didn’t matter.

What mattered was that he had to face the consequences for his lapse of judgement. They would take away his privileges, no more books, no more walks at the lake… and, of course, no more repairs. He pressed his lips together. Sergeant Tico, he- he wouldn’t see her anymore. Wouldn’t know if her genius conductive gel worked in space.

Wouldn’t see her smile again.

And it was all his fault. Because he didn’t think it through. Because he thought that he knew LaVelle. He had really thought that she meant well. Stupid. Weak. They had gotten to him with their soft ways.

_‘You can’t trust anybody, boy.’_

One would think he would have learned that after the life he had led. The enemies he vanquished. Yet he had been so ready to forget about it, believe in Organa’s fairy tale.

He emptied the bowl of oatmeal and took a sip of tea. His lip burned when he moved his mouth.

No, the fairy tale hadn’t been meant for him. She was only telling it to prove to herself and her band of Rebels that this was how the Galaxy worked. He was just a stage prop. An empty uniform like they had said.

That was all he ever was. To his father, to Snoke, to Ren. And now, of course, to Organa.

Perhaps she didn’t even realise it. She had seemed incredibly candid when she talked to him. He looked at the books on the chair. With some effort he stood up and took them and put them into the drawer. He looked at the wrinkled drawing. The drawing of him being taller than trees. A pity that this wasn’t him. The larger-than-life hero who saves children in peril.

He put the drawing in the drawer too. They wouldn’t let him keep it anyway.

General Organa, Master Rey and Lieutenant Connix appeared on time.

“Good morning, Hux,” said Organa in a stern voice.

“Good morning, General Organa.”

She sat down on the chair and leaned on her crane. She looked tired.

Perhaps he should try to preserve some appearance of dignity and take the matter into his own hands. “I put the books in the drawer. There is no need for a lecture. Frankly, I’m not in the mood.”

Rey went over and pulled the drawer on their side. She took the books and the drawing and presented them to Organa. She looked at them briefly.

“I’m not sure I understand, Hux.” She gazed at him, apparently taking in his injuries. “But first things first. Private LaVelle confessed and we have identified the perpetrators. We will punish them according to our regulations - they are in the brig as we speak.”

LaVelle had confessed? Odd.

“Now, why do you want to give me the books back?”

He stared at her blankly. “This isn’t a question of wanting - I escaped my cell. Private LaVelle already informed me what the price-”

“She lied,” interrupted Rey. “She only told you that we would revoke your privileges to blackmail you into keeping quiet about the abuse. You’re our prisoner, you are not bound to General Organa’s orders - but LaVelle was.”

“What?” So he could see Tico again? Be part of her tests? He gulped. No, that had been a silly notion in the first place. He had thought that he could be something more than just a obedient soldier. But that was all he was. Perhaps it was time to act like it.

Rey crossed her arms. “Her plan was to slap you around, then bring you back as if nothing had happened. She thought that nobody would notice and you would be silenced because of her lie. But things went out of hand and there was no way she could cover it up.”

Sloppy and short-sighted. If she really had wanted to hit him without anybody noticing she should have brought a blunt object, at the Academy they had used a piece of soap in a sock. The bruises would be there of course but the shape would make it hard to guess from where they came.

“I see,” he said.

Organa took the drawing from top of the book. “Ah, a child’s drawing. Nothing compares to it, yes? I kept all my son made. Not here of course,” she chuckled, “he liked to draw quite a lot.” She nodded at Rey. “Please put everything back in the drawer. I think Hux would like them back.”

Rey did as she was told.

Organa shifted on her chair. “You can rest today. Dr. Kalonia will check up on you later.”

She seemed to wait for an answer but he remained silent.

“Rey, it’s your turn,” she said after a few moments.

“What’s the crew complement of the Executor II-class Star Dreadnought?” Master Rey asked.

“I decline to answer.”

Rey frowned. “Are Venator-class Star Destroyers still being deployed?”

“I decline to answer.”

“What about-”

“You asked your three questions,” Hux said in a low voice.

“Alright, your turn then.”

“I relinquish my questions.”

Rey looked at General Organa and then back to Hux. “I thought you wanted to know about the Force.”

“I’m tired.” It had been silly in the first place to ask about it. What was the point of him knowing about the Force? He was just a prop, an empty uniform. He might as well play his part.

He watched them leave and lay down on the cot.

He slept for a while. When he woke up, he checked the chronometer, it was almost noon. He looked up at the ceiling and started to count the rivets.

The door opened and he saw from the corner of his eye that Unamo was entering, he was carrying a tray. 

“Time for lunch, Hux.” He pulled the drawer open and saw the books and the drawing. “You need to take this out, otherwise I can’t give you the food.”

“You can take them out and put them on the chair over there. They are General Organa’s.”

“Alright.” Unamo put the tray on the floor and reached into the drawer. He took the books and put them on the chair, then he picked up the crumpled drawing again. “You really kept it, huh?”

Hux rubbed his temples but didn’t answer.

“You know, I went to visit LaVelle in the brig earlier. She told me that you still had it.” He paused. “She told me that you said that you liked to look at it. So perhaps you should keep it. Where is the other one? I can put both drawings on the tray.”

“I was confused yesterday. There is no need for sentimentally. You can throw them away.”

Unamo sighed. “I will just leave them here in case you change your mind.” He put the tray into the now empty drawer.

Hux took it out; his ribs still hurt, and he groaned silently. He went over to his cot and put the tray carefully down.

Unamo lingered for a moment. It almost seemed that he wanted to say something, but Hux chose to ignore him. He lifted the lid - another stew - and began to eat slowly.

Finally Unamo left, leaving Hux alone. He ate about half of the portion before he put the lid back on. He wasn’t particularly hungry.

With some effort he put the tray back in the drawer and laid down on the cot. He still felt tired, one of the aftereffects of the kolto as he knew from experience. 

Minutes later he had fallen asleep.

When he woke up again he felt dizzy. He got up and started to pace back and forth to clear his head.

A couple of moments later Dr. Kalonia entered the room, as always carrying her bag with her. To his chagrin he saw that Master Rey was accompanying her.

“How are you feeling today?” asked Kalonia as she stepped to the console that controlled the force field.

The force field went down, and he noticed from the corner of his eye that Master Rey observed him closely. As if he was in a condition to try to escape.

“Good.” His chest still hurt, but she would know that without him telling her, thus showing his weakness.

“I find that a tad hard to believe,” replied Kalonia as she stepped into his cell. “Let me check your hand first.”

He stretched his right arm out and watched her examine it with her scanner. “So far so good, it will take a few days, but the nanobots are working on reconstructing your bones.” She scanned his head next. “Any headaches?”

“Yes.”

“Blood in the urine?”

“Yes.”

“That’s not good-”

“Internal bleeding, I know.”

She crooked an eyebrow. “I forgot that you have seen your share of battles.”

A memory of a broad chest covered in medals surfaced before his inner eye. “Yes.”

She reached inside her bag and pulled a small bottle with pills out of it. “These are mild analgesics in case you want to do something about the headaches.”

“Thank you.”

“No need for thanks, you’re my patient.”

When she got up he couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed that she hadn’t checked on his arm manually. No, no, he shouldn’t think about that. 

Kalonia stepped out of the cell and went over to the console to put the force field back up.

“Doctor, wait,” said Rey. “Don’t activate the force field.”

“What is it?”

“I would like to have a word with Hux alone.”

Kalonia shrugged. “Alright, I guess you won’t be needing me anymore. You can take care of yourself.” She grabbed her bag and walked away.

Hux didn’t like being alone with the Force user. What was she planning? Would she try to continue the interrogation? Yes, that must be it. Organa wasn’t here to stop her. Finally she could use the Force to look into his mind. He gulped.

“You wanted to know how the Force feels. So I’m going to show you something.”

He frowned and clenched his good hand to a fist. He felt slightly ill.

“You don’t have to be afraid,” said Rey.

“I’m not afraid,” he hissed.

She smiled. “Come on, I’m Force sensitive, remember? I know that you are.”

He pressed his lips together. Weak. Useless.

“The Force connects every living being, it’s like this sheet of flimsi.” She gestured and the drawing was lifted up in the air and floated towards Hux. “The Galaxy is like a blank canvas, or like an empty flimsi like this one was. The Force determines what kind of paper or flimsi people have to write their tales on. Some have sturdy, large ones and some have thin, delicate ones.” She turned the flimsi in mid-air.

Hux stared at the drawing hovering in front of him. He never heard that metaphor before. Snoke had always spoken about power and ability, never about flimsi.

“Everybody has a sheet they can write on, the Galaxy and the Force are basically like a book. Every tale and every drawing connects with another.” She gestured and the drawing floated away from Hux towards her until she picked it from the air. “Like this drawing. It’s part of Kere’s story and it’s part of yours. That’s what I meant when I said that every living being is connected with the Force.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“I’m just answering your question.”

“I don’t want to hear it,” he said in a low voice.

“Too bad, I will continue to talk to you, whether you like it or not.”

He scoffed. “What is this? Some attempt to assuage your guilt? Did General Organa put you up to this?”

She shook her head and put the drawing on the books. “No, I’m here because I realised something.”

“Do you expect me to ask you what it is? I’m not your cue giver.”

She continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “Everybody is part of the story. Everybody deserves his own story arc. So do you. Even after everything you have done you’re more than just a means to an end.”

He froze, he felt hot and cold at the same time. Had she read his mind?

“You are probably wondering what I am going on about, right?” she said with a soft chuckle. “I- I’m not sure how to say this but I don’t think it’s fair what General Organa is doing to you.”

Hux gaped at her. What the- What was General Organa doing? Thoughts and emotions rumbled through his head, he stood there unable to utter a coherent sentence.

“For what it’s worth I told her as much.”

“What are you talking about? What is she doing?”

Rey looked at him and exhaled. “I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s up to her really.”

“First you want to talk to me and now this? It this some sort of ploy to get me talking?”

She shook her head. “No, I- talking is not my strong suit. I just felt it was important to tell you how the Force works.”

He scoffed. “The Force is an instrument of power. That is all that matters.”

“The Force is life. Power is just a part of it. And we all are more than the sum of our parts.”

“Is it a prerequisite for Force users to speak in riddles?” Hux huffed.

She smiled. “Of course. That and hooded robes.” She went over to the console and activated the force field. “I will leave you be for now. See you tomorrow.”

She left and Hux started to massage his temple.

What had been the point of her visit? She had tried to tell him something… but what? That Organa had a hidden agenda? That was hardly a surprise. 

And what was this about the ‘sum of all parts’? That was mathematically wrong. No thing was more than the sum of its parts.

The headache was definitely coming on.


	15. The Ring

Sergeant Tico entered his room in the late afternoon, carrying two cubes. Hux had been lying on his bed, snoozing, but when he saw her standing on the threshold he sat up so quickly that his ribs hurt.

He watched her come closer and his heartbeat accelerated. He couldn’t help but smile. 

She panted when she put them on the floor in front of his cell.

“Kriff, these things get heavy after a while.” She put her hands on her back and stretched. “I should have rigged a couple of anti-grav platforms.” She scanned him with her eyes, kneading her hands. She pressed her lips together.

He was content to see her again. “You didn’t have to bring the cubes here, Sergeant.” Come to think of it, why was she even here? Was there a problem with his calculations? “Did the tests fail?”

“Nope,” she put her hands on her hips. “We need to do a few runs of course, but so far everything looks good.” She hesitated. “You look terrible.”

“Thank you for noticing,” he dryly replied.

“You’re welcome.” She cleared her throat and seemed to hesitate for a moment before she slapped on one of the cubes. “To answer your earlier question, I brought them here so that you could monitor them.” She held up an old scanner and the ancient datapad he had used for his calculations. “And I was allowed to give you these.”

He blinked in surprise. “Ah, you’re overworked. Of course, it makes sense to delegate certain assignments.”

“Uh, yeah. That’s what I thought too,” she said slowly. He noticed a slight blush on her cheeks. Perhaps she had caught a cold.

She licked her lips. “I can only hand you the scanner and the datapad though. The cubes have to stay outside. Orders from Rabaat. He doesn’t trust you with the tech.”

“That’s sensible. It would be easy enough to build a disruptor with the components of the cube.”

She scoffed. “Yeah, if you managed to bypass the power nodes in the small force fields in the cube.” She thought for a moment. “Wait, you could just use a layer of gel.”

Interesting idea. He rubbed his chin. “True. There would be still the problem with the variance polarity of course… but that would be manageable with the scanner.”

“Hm, I guess Rabaat was right then.” She went to the drawer and put the equipment in.

Hux kelt down with a pained expression on his face and took the scanner and the pad out. “Even so, I’m in no shape to escape.”

Tico kneaded her hands again and frowned. “Is it true that you followed LaVelle because you wanted to listen to the music event?”

He gulped. “I-,” he suddenly felt hot. “No, I- uh, I was just bored.” He needed to distract her from this sensible topic. “How- how did it go? Your act I mean?”

She looked at the floor. “Uh, it- it went well.”

He shouldn’t have asked about it. Stupid. “That’s what I thought,” he said quickly. “You trained your voice, it’s only logical that it went well.”

She still looked low-spirited. He wanted to compliment her, make her feel better. But he wasn’t good at it, didn’t know how to even begin. But he was good at insulting and belittling people. That was a lesson he had learned well.

“I heard singing in a choir requires a great deal of discipline,” he said. “One has to keep their own pace while letting the other singers keep theirs. It’s almost like marching in formation, not everybody is cut out for it. I’m a bit surprised that Rebels like yourself aspire to this kind of single-minded discipline. It’s commendable of course-”

Her eyes lit up. “Pff, as if discipline is something great!” She straightened herself. “You might think that, being a stiff shirt and all that. But singing is about so much more than just being able to sing along!”

“Really?”

She crossed her arms. “It’s about having fun. And that’s why my sister and I sang in the first place!”

“That’s hard to believe, what songs did you sing exactly?”

She lifted her chin. “_Shchedryk_ and _Boska_. They’re easy, but we liked them.”

“Why did you like them?” he asked and sat down on his cot.

“My father used to sing them to us. He had such a beautiful singing voice.” She smiled a little. “I guess they reminded us of him. And now the songs remind me of my sister.” She grabbed the silver necklace she was wearing and started to play with it. “Do you have siblings, Hux?”

“No,” he said curtly.

“Sensible topic, huh?”

“No.”

“Okay, if you say so.”

He cleared his throat. “You wore that necklace back on the _Supremacy_, didn’t you? Does it have a special meaning?”

She took the necklace off and a half-moon shaped medallion became visible. “It’s the symbol of the Otomok system, made of pure Haysian smelt.”

“Another reminder of home, then?”

“My sister had the counterpart.” There was a hard line around her mouth.

She really missed her. It was hard to imagine, having someone so close. Growing up together, talking, laughing, making plans. And now she was gone.

“What about your parents?”

She blinked surprised. “Uh, they are still back on Hays Minor.” She grimaced. “Still working in the mines, or rather what’s left of them.”

So he had been right to assume that the Tico family had a proud tradition of engineering and building complex mining machines? “I’m certain that they approve of all your inventions.”

“What? Why would they?”

Ah, they really had high standards. They weren’t satisfied with above average feats of engineering. No wonder that their daughter was such an accomplished engineer. “Surely they will acknowledge you for the conductive gel?”

She rubbed her temples. “You confuse me. What are you going on about?”

He frowned. What wasn’t clear about what he had said? “I meant that they will approve of your accomplishments. And offer acknowledgement,” he added. “That’s why you are here, right? To prove yourself to them?”

She gaped at him. “Why would I- oh, I get it. You really think I try to impress my parents? Why in the Galaxy would I do that?”

“Uh, well. I assume that they expect you to live up to your family’s reputation - by being a first class engineer and inventor.”

“Okay, you lost me again. Why the kriff do you think that my family has any reputation in that field?”

Now it was his turn to frown. “You are obviously gifted. And true talent is inherited by-”

“Wait a moment - where does this come from? Were your parents engineers?”

He scoffed. “No, obviously not. That’s why I’m not on your level of brilliance.”

“That again? I already told you, I’m just good at tinkering.” She inhaled. “And I can prove it to you.”

“What?”

“Yeah, you say that only people with the right lineage can be good in a field, right?”

“Yes.”

“My parents are just simple mine workers, they are not engineers. From this fact it follows that I can’t be ‘brilliant’.” She smirked at him. 

Was this possible? “Uh, then you’re the exception to the rule.”

“By the stars! Okay then, if your parents aren’t engineers either, how come that you’re so good at it? Another exception to the rule?”

He drew breath to answer but she continued speaking.

“We have been through this.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Now you will say something like ‘I’m only average, Sergeant Tico’,” she imitated his accent. “And then we will keep on bickering about this. So let’s don’t.”

“That was the most horrible attempt at speaking with an Imperial accent I have ever witnessed,” Hux replied, unable to suppress a smile.

The fire in her dark-brown eyes was back. She really was beautiful with her soft-looking black hair and her full lips. For a moment he wished he could touch her hand, touch her wrist. He grabbed his own wrist.

He wondered how she smelled. Probably after fuel, caf and the dry metallic taste of electricity.

“Somehow I can’t imagine that there are many attempts at humour in the First Order.”

“You would be surprised. Captain Phasma has- had quite a way with dirty limericks.” His smile faded when he thought back when he received the report of her demise.

“I find that somehow hard to believe,” said Tico. She sighed. “I’m afraid I have to get back to work.”

“Alright.”

As time for dinner draw nearer, Hux found himself bored. He had already checked on the cubes; everything was going according to plan. He stared at the ancient datapad. He might as well use it for calculations and drawing blueprints.

He stared at the cubes and the hovering subprocessors in them. Hovering… that would have been useful back at the lake. It shouldn’t be too hard to construct a mid-sized droid that could guard the shore. It could carry some sort of buoyancy aids.

He could use the base design of a floating holorecorder and change the blueprint to accommodate the new functions. He started with a rough sketch and began to refine the details. The holoprojector could easily be replaced a sensor to detect elevated heart rates. The proximity sensor used for the optimal distance for the recording could be reprogrammed to detect living beings in water…

“Dinner is ready.”

Hux raised his head. Unamo had just entered the room, carrying a tray. He put it in the drawer. “I’m afraid it’s stew again, our supplies are running low.”

Hux retrieved the tray, his ribs still hurt. But at least his hand felt better.

“Do you want to go for a walk after dinner? Must be boring sitting in this tiny cell the whole day.”

Hux scoffed. “No, thank you.”

“Why in the Galaxy not? You like going outside.”

“So that you can arrange another tête-à-tête with a couple of Rebel goons? I think not.”

Unamo grimaced. “That won’t happen on my watch. Come on.”

Hux narrowed his eyes. “If you’re not planning on having me offed, why would you insist on getting me outside?”

Unamo threw his hands up in the air. “Because you are obviously miserable. You are making yourself miserable, and I don’t get why.”

Hux took the lid off the plate. The stew did look unappealing. “It wasn’t that long ago that you called me a ‘waste of space’. A ‘drone’ who only ‘spouts’ propaganda. So why would you waste your time on me?” He picked up the spoon and stirred the stew on the plate. “The only logical conclusion is that you want revenge for Private LaVelle.” Hux took a spoonful in his mouth and chewed. He grimaced a little, it was too spicy for his taste.

Unamo looked at him as if he wanted to say something.

“Perhaps you have already poisoned me?” asked Hux with a crooked eyebrow. “My food passes through your hands. You could easily put something in it.”

Unamo stepped closer to the force field. “You know what? You’re right. I said that you were a drone and that you weren’t worth the time. But then I saw you getting into a good mood because of some stupid oatmeal, I saw you leaning against a tree, closing your eyes to listen to some lame-ass bird chirping in the woods. Do you know what this makes you?”

“A bore?”

“That’s exactly what I mean. You actually got a sense of humour. You like things and you get pissed when Commander Dameron shows up. You get excited when Rose shows you a dull microprocessor or something.”

“It was a subprocessor.”

“It makes you the opposite of a drone. General Organa was right to treat you with respect regardless of what you have done. Because you are a sentient being like everybody else. That’s why I asked you if you wanted to get out of here.”

Hux shoved another spoonful in his mouth and gulped it down. Was Unamo being serious? It almost seemed like it. No, he couldn’t let himself be fooled again. “I prefer to stay in my cell.”

“If that’s what you want, I’ll leave you be,” replied Unamo.

After dinner Hux continued to work on the blueprint of the guardian droid until the lights went out. He finished the calculations he was working on and put the datapad out. His eyes burned and he felt tired.

He laid down on his cot and closed his eyes. Moments later he had fallen asleep.

In his dream, Hux was walking down the hallway to the Cantina, he could hear music. He walked closer and saw Sergeant Tico sing with another woman, she looked a lot like Tico - it had to be her sister.

Their singing was interrupted when the ground started to shake. The familiar rumbling of charging kyber power cells was so loud that he could hear nothing else.

Suddenly he was on the Starkiller Base again. His mother was there too, she stood next to him, staring right in the red beam erupting from the monstrous machine beneath her feet.

“Don’t look at it, it will make your eyes water, M-” he broke off. What was he supposed to call her? He didn’t even know her real name.

“Don’t bother, son,” said his father. He put his heavy hand on his shoulder. “She can’t hear you.”

Suddenly they were in a kitchen. His father’s hand on his shoulder was now an iron grip, it hurt him. “You are supposed to look after him, you stupid wrench.”

“It hurts,” said Hux. He was a little child now. “Mummy-”

“Be quiet, silly boy,” she said in a firm voice. Then she looked at his father. “It’s not my fault if he can’t do what I tell him to do. I told him to stay put and play in the kitchen.”

“He kriffing embarrassed me in front of my guests.”

She crouched down and looked him straight in the eye. “Don’t you know that Mummy only likes obedient children? You want Mummy to like you, don’t you?”

Hux nodded and started sobbing. “I just wanted a piece of cake, I’m sorry.”

Suddenly they were outside, the sun was shining and Hux dried his teary eyes. He looked up and saw his mother smiling at him, rays of sunshine made her short blonde hair look like a golden crown.

She knelt down and wiped the tears on his cheeks away. “Don’t be sad, sweety. Even if I’m sending you away you know that I love you, right?”

Hux sniffled, he could still feel the iron grip of his father on his shoulder. “You do?”

“Of course I do, I’m your mother.” She pulled him into a hug and gave him a peck on his forehead. “It’s the best for you, you need to learn how to use your talents.”

Hux buried his face into her shoulder. A sense of overwhelming affection overcame him, it almost made his chest hurt.

“I love you. And I will always love you.” She let go of him and reached into a dress pocket. “This is for you - if you ever feel alone you can look at this.” She put a ring in his hand. It was a large silvery one, far too big for his small fingers.

He took at and marveled at it. “Is it yours?”

“Yes, it’s mine and now it’s yours.” Suddenly she had a piece of cord in her hands and ran it through the ring and made a knot. She took the pendant and put it around his neck.

The beeping of the chronometer made the dream disappear. Hux almost jumped out of bed. What was this? It definitely felt like a memory. And there was his odd feeling still in his chest.

He put his hand on his chest and could feel his heart racing. 

He had assumed that he had been a burden to his mother, causing trouble like in the memory from before. 

_‘Thick like a brick, just a low servant. And then she had to look after a bastard.’_

He had hated her. Hated her for her weakness, hated her for- for letting his father take him. But he had been wrong. She had loved him! Even though he had been a sickly bastard child.

She had even called him talented! Not ‘silly boy’ but ‘talented’!

He couldn’t remember having seen a ring like this before. What had happened to it? Surely his father had taken it and thrown it away.

Only now he noticed that his ribs didn’t hurt anymore. Overall he was better, even his eye felt less swollen.


	16. Old Scars

“Good morning,” said Master Rey as she stepped in front of the cell. She and Lieutenant Connix were alone.

“Good morning, Master Rey.”

“General Organa sends her regards, she isn’t feeling well.”

Hux didn’t know what to say to this news and so he remained quiet.

“Are Venator-class Star Destroyers still being deployed?” Rey asked - she was repeating her last question that he had refused to answer the last time.

Hux chewed on his lower lip. It was an easy question. He could answer without compromising the First Order. And she has answered his questions, had taken the time to talk to him. “Yes.”

Rey had an expression of relief over her face. “Why? They are outdated.”

“They are sturdy. Their propulsion is of course slow by comparison, but they still can use as siege ships.”

“Private Unamo told be that you didn’t want to go outside. Would you agree to go for a walk if a Senior Officer would accompany you?”

He licked his lips. “Yes.” A Senior Officer would undoubtedly make sure that General Organa's orders were followed to the letter.

“Alright then, it’s your turn.”

He briefly thought about asking her about General Organa and her ominous comment that she was doing something to him. No, she wouldn’t answer him. Not if he asked directly. Another question came to his mind. “Why is Ren so obsessed with you, Master Rey?”

She clearly didn’t expect this line of questioning. “Ehm, I- it’s because of a Force vision of his. He thinks that we will rule the Galaxy together.”

He narrowed his eyes. “You bested him again in the throne room. Why didn’t you kill him right there?”

“Everything happened so fast. When I saw that he was knocked out I decided to flee before anybody discovered that Snoke was dead.”

Hux remembered standing over the unconscious Ren, slowly moving his hand to his holster. Too bad that he had been too late.

“I tried to kill him,” Hux admitted to his own surprise. “I’m not even certain why. Seeing him lying next to Snoke’s body… I knew it was dangerous to let him live. Didn’t you sense that too?”

She frowned. “No, I didn’t. I think he is lost, that is all.”

He began to pace back and forth in his cell. “No, he is not lost. I think he is right where he wants to be. And he is dangerous for the Order.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“Why do you think that he is lost in the first place? After all he is Snoke’s apprentice, he just does what his master taught him.”

“I had a Force vision too. I saw him fight on our side against the First Order. This is his place, here with us.”

Hux pulled the corners of his mouth down. “These Force visions can’t both be true.”

She shook her head. “The Force shows possibilities, not certain future. But I believe that Ren can be turned.”

“Is this why I am here? So that you can attempt to turn me?” he asked with a scoff. Was this Organa's plan? So that he would spill his secrets?

Rey tilted her head a little. “I’m afraid that’s a fourth question.”

“Ah, I apologize, I got carried away.”

She went over to the books and the drawing on top of them. They were still sitting on the chair outside of the cell. “I will put these back into the drawer. You should take them.” She took them over to the drawer and put them in.

“Fine! I’m tired from having it shoved in my face,” snapped Hux. He knelt down a little too quickly and felt a sharp pain in his rips. Then he took the book and the drawing and put them on the floor next to his cot. “There, now you can leave me be.”

“Alright,” Rey didn’t seem impressed by his little outburst. “Goodbye.”

Unamo and Commander Dameron appeared about half an hour later. Hux almost rolled his eyes when he saw Dameron’s insufferable cocky grin.

“Hugs! So good to see you.”

Unamo went to the console in the back and powered the force field down. Hux scanned Dameron and noticed that he was wearing a holster with a blaster in it. That hadn’t been there before - so despite all his mocking he actually did take him seriously.

“I see you’re armed, Commander Dameron. So you don’t only rely on your loose lips.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that. After all my mouth is the best part of me.” He chuckled. “My boyfriend says so too.”

Hux felt heat crawling up his cheeks. Of all the inappropriate-

“Too much information,” said Unamo with an uneasy smile.

“I can’t help it, I want to share my bliss with everybody around me,” said Dameron with a shrug.

“So you’re boasting with your latest conquest? I shouldn't be surprised, only a gentleman never tells,” sneered Hux.

Dameron’s smile faltered a little. It seemed Hux had hit his target.

“Not that it’s any of your business, Hux. But he’s not a conquest, he is my _boyfriend_.”

“I repeat: Too much information,” said Unamo and gestured Hux to step out of his cell. “The weather is good, we’re going to the lake.”

“No handcuffs?” asked Hux with a crooked eyebrow.

“Not with that broken hand,” replied Unamo.

They exited the room and Hux started to walk in the direction of the lake.

The Resistance fighters they encountered stared at Hux, some of them were frowning, others kept their face blank. Just as usual. He had expected at least some of them to grin or even laugh at his injuries.

When they reached their usual spot in the shadows of the trees Hux had some trouble to sit down on the ground with only one hand. His chest still hurt. He looked out at the lake and the beach.

He saw the two children running along the waterline. Their guardian was watching them from under an umbrella. The weather was still hot, and the sun was shining.

Hm, he really should keep working on the guardian droids. But the questions was if he could make it work with the existing programme-

“Are you guys always this quiet out here?” asked Dameron.

“LaVelle and I used to talk. He listens,” said Unamo.

“I am a bit surprised at you Hugs, I thought you would keep one of your speeches out here. The acoustic must be great from the top of the cliffs.”

“You realise that you’re the only one constantly yapping, right?” hissed Hux. “You sure do love the sound of your own voice.”

“Hey, my voice is lovely.”

“I don’t know,” laughed Unamo. “You duet with Finn was pretty good. But I have to admit that he was better.”

“Pfff, you didn’t listen closely enough.” Dameron sat down on a rock. “What about you, Hugs? Can you sing?”

“No.” In truth he had no idea; he had never tried it. He had to admit that he was intrigued by the idea that he could make music, back on the _Finalizer _he had sometimes listened to cello suites. It didn’t matter. It was certainly better not to encourage Dameron.

His next question would probably be if he liked music. Then he would remind him that he had been moronic enough to follow LaVelle because he wanted to listen to it. He pressed his lips together.

It wasn’t supposed to bother him. Weak. Dameron was right to mock him.

“Kaydel Ko and Nodin were quite good, don't you think?” asked Unamo. “I was a bit surprised that Nodin has such a good voice to be honest.”

“I thought so too,” said Dameron.

They continued to talk about different performances. Hux waited for them to mention Sergeant Tico but her name never came up.

“Time is up,” said Unamo with a sigh. “Come on, Hux. We need to go back.”

Hux struggled to get on his feet, he was annoyed that he couldn’t just ignore the pain and raise in a dignified way.

Suddenly he felt a grip around his right biceps. 

_‘Come here, boy!’_

Startled he tore his arm away, almost falling over. “Don’t touch me!” he hissed wide eyed, he couldn’t help but feel uneasy.

Only then he realised that it had been Dameron; he glared at him.

“Calm down, I just wanted to help you up,” said Dameron with a furrowed brow.

Hux gave him a withering glare and turned to walk back to the Base.

When they stepped inside the Base, Dameron spoke up: “Turn left, we’re going to the medbay. Dr. Kalonia wants to have a look at you.”

Dr. Kalonia was sitting at a desk, apparently looking through his file. When they entered she looked up and gestured towards the med bed in the middle of the room.

“Please, sit down and take off your shirt.”

Hux grimaced, he still wasn’t keen on displaying his weak physique but from a medical point of view it made sense. He did as he was told. It wasn’t easy getting the buttons up with just one hand but he managed.

First she scanned his ribs. “Looks good so far. It will take a few days until you’re completely healed.” She smiled. “Now show me your arm.”

He stretched out his right arm and she took it and held it gingerly as she scanned it. He could feel her warmth on his skin, it felt nice. He was completely still, he almost even held his breath when he felt her touch.

“The hand is fine too,” she said and let go of him. She began to strip away the kolto bandage until his hand was free. It looked good, a little pale perhaps. She turned it around and observed his wrist. There were no traces of the abrasions from the handcuffs. Only an old pink scar that ran over his sinew was visible.

It was a remainder from his hidden monomolecular blade, when he had once deployed it hastily, back when he had been a Colonel. He had cut himself badly, but he had still managed to get rid of Lieutenant-Colonel Zana.

“I haven’t noticed this one before,” said Dr. Kalonia and brushed over his old scar on the wrist. “It’s old. But it was sloppy work from your medics.”

“I took care of it myself,” said Hux. Nobody was supposed to know that he had been the one to dispose of Zana, of course he could not have showed up in medbay.

“You should leave that to professionals,” scolded Dr. Kalonia.

“I will remember it the next time.”

She put the scanner away. “You can get dressed now. And please don’t hesitate to call me if there are any complications.”

Hux buttoned his shirt quickly. He relaxed a little when his chest was covered again by fabric.

“Can I return to the Repair shop, doctor?” he asked.

Kalonia smiled. “You still need to rest. But you can go tomorrow.”

“Look at you, being skittish when asked to go out to breathe fresh air, but once it’s about tech it can’t get fast enough, eh?” said Dameron.

“At least that’s a mental challenge - as opposed to listen to your inane palaver, Commander Dameron.”

Dameron grinned. “That’s what I like about you, Hugs. Even when you are insulting people you keep using the titles. That’s classy.”

Hux glared at him. The man was a mystery to him. Why was he so cheerful? And why did he keep teasing him in such a tame manner. Surely he knew from LaVelle about his interest in Sergeant Tico. Why didn’t he just say it instead of dancing around it like a mischievous Jawa?


	17. Reprogramming

When Unamo activated the force field Hux decided to grasp the rancor by the teeth. “Commander Dameron, might I have a word in private?”

“Uh, sure. But you realise that there is a camera, right?” Dameron scratched the back of his head.

“Yes, but I would still like the pretence of privacy.”

Dameron nodded towards Unamo who disappeared out of the door. He took the chair and like last time he turned it around and propped his elbows on the backrest as he sat down. “I admit I’m curious, Hugs. What you you want to talk about? Is it a critique about the colour of my pilot gear? I get it, autumn colours are not for me - I’m more a spring guy myself.”

“Is everything a joke to you?” sighed Hux.

“Alright, I’ll shut up. Fire away.”

He licked his lips. “I take it you are informed about Private LaVelle’s… arguments when she persuaded me to follow her?”

Dameron nodded.

“Then why-” Hux broke off and took a deep breath. “Why don’t you just taunt me with it?”

Dameron grinned. “Drives you mad, huh? I bet you over analyse everything.” He smacked his lips. “Alright, I will tell you: Rose is my friend. Kriff, she has repaired my fighter so many times that I can’t keep count. She has such a great sense of humour. And it kills me seeing her like _this_.” He gestured with his hands. “She hardly leaves her workplace anymore, doesn’t show up to our little get-togethers at the lake.”

Hux blinked. What was Dameron going on about - she had a great work ethic, that was all.

“She was withering away, working herself numb until you showed up. Until you started to yell at her, until she started to yell at you. You are an irritating asshole, but apparently that was what she needed. Someone to challenge her with tech stuff.”

“I don’t see-”

“I’m not finished yet,” said Dameron in an unusually firm voice. “Do you know what would happen if every grunt heard about the real reason why you showed up at that music event?”

Hux frowned.

“She would retreat into her shell, questioning who she was for inspiring something like _that_.”

“It wasn’t my intention to cause her grieve,” said Hux in a low voice. “I’m merely admiring her undeniable skill.”

Dameron laughed. “Admiring her skill? Come on, just say that you have fallen for her.”

Hux could feel heat crawling up his cheeks. “No, no- that- that would be ridiculous.”

“Really? The way you smile at her whenever she shows you something? That’s admiration?”

Hux cleared his throat. “Yes.”

Dameron sighed. “Anyway. There is your answer. I’m not doing this for you, I’m doing this for her.” He got up from the chair and put it back into its place. “I know that she will find out eventually and then I will have hell to pay for not telling her earlier. But if me being a patronizing ass is needed to keep her going… so be it.”

Dameron gave Hux a mock salute and left.

Hux stared at his pad, trying to focus on the task at hand. But his thoughts continued to return to his conversation with Dameron.

He had known of course that there was no way that the Rebels didn’t gather that he liked Sergeant Tico after the assault. But hearing it from the lout Dameron himself was… surreal.

What was even stranger was that Dameron hadn’t made fun of him, mocked his clear deficits and that Tico was clearly out of his league. Even- even if they weren’t on different sides in a war. A woman like Sergeant Tico had undoubtedly many suitors.

No, what was he thinking? He was only admiring her! The fact that he had noticed how beautiful she was was just something he had observed. A cold, hard fact.

He rubbed his eyes. Damn, he really wanted a cup of caf.

He looked back on the pad screen and focussed harder. After an hour he had done most of the remodelling - at least theoretically. The guardian droids - he used the working title ‘BY-droids (BuoYant droids)’ - had weak force field to keep them from sinking in case they were pulled down into the water. Two small arms enabled them to grab people in the water, depending on their weight they could even drag them to the shore.

He was about to finish the programme changes when he noticed something: the small arms could easily be used to peel of plating and to short-circuit locking mechanisms… like the one on his cell.

All that was needed was a tiny change in the operating programme. 

He got up and stretched until his joints clicked. It was a risk of course. Provided that they would actually built the droids to his specifications it was entirely possible that they would discover additional programming.

He rolled his shoulders back. His ribs still hurt a little, a memory of the coppery taste of blood in his mouth resurfaced.

He sat down again and started to add subtle changes to the programming. He hid his command codes in different parts of the system, at first glance they should be invisible.

Whatever General Organa was planning for him, he wasn’t going to wait meekly until it was too late. 

Unamo appeared with his dinner. Like always he put the tray in the drawer.

“Uh, I went to the brig earlier.”

“So?”

“LaVelle asked how you were doing.”

He scoffed. “Another attempt to assuage her guilt?”

Unamo shrugged. “I don’t know. I just felt I should tell you.”

“Why?”

“As I already said: I don’t know.”

“If you will excuse me, my dinner is waiting,” said Hux in an icy voice.

Unamo exhaled and left.

Hux started to eat - again bogweed pasta with sauce and salad - and scrolled through the programme.

So far so good, he had enforced the force field a little. It would be interesting to see if his design would work in real life. His sights fell on the drawing laying on the floor next to his cot.

He took out the one still hidden in the book and looked at both of them.

Did he draw too when he was little? He thought about the last dream, or rather the memory he had of his mother.

The ring… He felt content but didn’t know why. The thought of her giving him something to hold onto was comforting. Sometimes he had felt like he wasn’t connecting with other people or even the Galaxy.

The memory tethered him somehow. It proved that he was… what exactly? Hux didn’t know. It enriched his very existence, made him more… more than the sum of his parts. Huh. Was this was Master Rey had meant?

Whatever it was, it gave him purpose. He would get out of here, go look for the origins of his mother, perhaps even find the ring.

It was silly of course, and in vain. He probably wouldn’t find a thing. But it was nice to have a plan. Up until now his options had been to stay here or to try to return to the First Order. Now he had third option.

He caught himself getting anxious as Sergeant Tico didn’t show up after dinner. Why wasn’t she coming? They had new data from the cubes. And he wanted to show her his design of the BY-droids.

Around 20 o’clock she stepped over the threshold. She looked a little rushed and brushed a strand of hair out of her face when she stopped in front of his cell.

“What a day! Kriffing hell!” She sat crossed legged on the floor. “Let’s just say that it’s a pity that you are still on sick leave or whatever this is. The sewage pipes burst and guess what happens if you use sanitation droids from before the Great Galactic War?”

“Their chips fry the moment they try to dock onto control systems?”

She pointed at him and laughed. “You guessed right.”

“How did you fix them?”

“I wrote a new program and added some new VY-plug-in devices.”

“I assume you also changed the control modes?”

“Yep.”

“Somehow I’m not sad that I missed out on the sanitation droids.”

She let herself fall on her back. “It took me like an hour to get the stench out of my hair and I’m pretty sure that they burned my old jumpsuit.”

Only now he noticed that her hair was still moist. She looked pretty as always, he realised.

“How was your day, Hux?” she asked, still lying on the floor.

“After the morning interrogations I had to endure Commander Dameron. Dr. Kalonia made a check-up and cleared me for tomorrow. And I did this,” he lifted his datapad. “Have a look at it.”

He put it into the drawer and she got up and took it out. After about five minutes of scrolling through it, she looked up. “This is some kind of rescue droid I take it?”

“Yes, I tried to consider what kind of resources you have. It’s obviously not very sturdy but I think it would suffice for the time being.” Would she notice his hidden programs? He shifted his weight a little.

“Why in the Galaxy would you design something like this?” She held up the pad. “I mean… it’s of course inspired but - why?”

She was right of course, it was hastily constructed and not very elegant. “I’m aware that it’s a makeshift solution but as I already stated, I tried to do with the meagre resources you have here.”

“No! What I mean is that you get beaten up and the first thing you think up is a device to save-”

“I was bored! That was all.” He hadn’t thought about it that way. It just made sense at the time, that was all. He wasn’t soft, wasn’t weak!

“All right, no need to get angry.” She ran her hand through her hair. “Thanks, I will upload it to my pad and check it out in detail.”

He shouldn’t have raised his voice. Silly. He cleared his throat. “Do you want to go over the data from the cubes?”

“Sure, anything special?” She checked the data on the pad he had handed her. “Looks good so far. Do you have any explanation for sample 29?”

“Not really, I assume it’s an outlier - the median still looks fine to me.” He felt uneasy, he really shouldn’t have shouted at her. “Your- your gel seems to work. I think after another round of tests you could implement it.”

She yawned. “Great, then let’s set up another round tomorrow in the Repair shop. I’m beat for today.”

She was already leaving? He couldn’t help but feel disappointed. “I see.”

“Well then,” she got up from the floor. “See you tomorrow.”

“Good night.”

He watched her leave and kneaded his hands. What if Dameron was right? Had he really fallen for her? He certainly liked talking to her, and he kept wondering how it would feel to brush a strand of her hair behind her ear...

Kriff. Perhaps Dameron was really right. He gulped. It didn’t matter. He would never know how her hair smelled, how soft her skin was and how… nice her touches would feel.

He pushed the sleeve of his shirt back and stroked over his inner wrist. It didn’t feel nice, it felt stale.

He dreamt again about the ring his mother had given him, the memory felt so vibrant and fresh that he almost couldn’t focus on Master Rey’s questions about the First Order fleet.

“Alright, Hux. My last question: Are you alright? You seem preoccupied.”

His face felt hot. “I am not.” Even in his ears it sounded like a lie. Perhaps he should just tell her. “I- I had a dream. It gave me a lot to think about.”

“Was is a nightmare?” Technically she had asked her questions. But he realised that he actually wanted to talk about it.

“No, the opposite actually. With nightmares I can deal with - but this was something different. I saw… someone from my past. And I’m quite sure it’s a memory or at least parts of it were buried memories.”

“What kind of memory was it?” Rey seemed very interested. Perhaps it was a Force user thing.

He hesitated before he answered. “It was about my mother.” Talking about it made him uneasy, there was a hollow feeling in his chest.

Rey stepped closer to the force field, there was a pleading look in her eyes. “Did you remember her?”

“No, not before the dreams. I only knew what my father told me about her. I don’t even know her name.”

“Why are you upset then?”

He scoffed. “I’m not upset!”

“Yes you are, I can feel it.”

“What about you then? Do you remember your mother?” he shot back.

Rey paled. “No. I don’t remember my parents at all.”

He didn’t know what to say to that. He chewed on his lower lip. “I remember my father all too well, sometimes it’s not a loss not to know parents.”

“But you seemed excited about the prospect of remembering your mother.”

“Perhaps. She was a lowly servant, you know. A dim-witted piece of trash - at least that’s what my father told me. I trust you already know that I’m a bastard child. My father told me that I was a burden to her.” He gulped. “But one of these dreams… she seems so different from what my father told me.”

“How so?”

He took a deep breath. “She- she laughs, she-” 

_‘I love you. And I will always love you.’_

“-she isn’t burdened by me.”

Rey stared at him and then she lowered her gaze.

“Don’t you dream of your parents?” Hux asked.

“No, I only dream of endless sand and a red cargo ship flying away from me.”

“Can’t you use the Force to find them?”

She shook her head. “That’s not how the Force works. It- it only works if there is a connection.” She frowned. “Without memory there is no connection.”

Hux gulped. “I didn’t remember my mother either and now… perhaps the memory is only buried?”

She sighed. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I used to wait for someone, anybody to come and get me.” She laughed joylessly. “I somehow thought everything would make sense if they came back - Jakku, all these years slaving away for dirty criminals… I was even ready to listen to Ren.”

“Ren?”

“He promised me to tell me who my parents were. And the lure of this promise almost cost me everything - and it almost cost me the people that really mattered.”

He scoffed. “I take it that you refer to the Resistance?”

“Mock me all you like. But in my book alive people who care about me are worth more than undead ghosts from the past.” She licked her lips. “I mean, if they had really cared about me they would have come back. They would have sent me a message. Either way I can’t wait for them forever. I have to live my own live, make my own decisions.”

“Perhaps.” He thought about it - she was right. He shouldn’t waste his time on people that were long dead… but this feeling he had - this moment of realisation that she had loved him. He couldn’t ignore it.

She rubbed her hands together. “I’m afraid I have asked a couple of questions too many.”

“So did I.”

“See you tomorrow.”

“Good-bye, Master Rey.”


	18. Taking a Leap

Hux expected Dameron to show up again was was surprised to see FN-, Finn entered with Unamo.

They didn’t talk until they were outside, on the narrow path to the lake.

“Beach?” asked Finn.

“We usually go up to the trees on the cliff - there is more shadow. It’s nicer.”

“Alright, that’s were the kids fell into the lake, right?”

Hux turned to the path leading to the cliffs, he inhaled the scent of the trees - pines, resin and juniper. When he reached his usual spot he sat down and waited for his guards to do the same.

Finn didn’t follow his example, instead he looked at the water. He seemed restless.

“Is it really true that you learned to swim?” asked Hux. “Or was this only a figure of speech?”

“I did,” he replied and turned to face Hux.

Hux didn’t know what to say to that and remained silent.

“Why? Why do you ask?”

“I was just curious. I had to think about the incident with the children and wondered… is is hard to learn?”

Finn blinked a few times and cleared his throat. “Uh, well, yeah. It was counterintuitive and I swallowed quite a bit of water. But I kept at it and now I really enjoy swimming.”

Unamo chuckled. “Sounds like you want to learn it too, Hux.”

Hux stared at the lake. The thought was tempting, he imagined it must be enjoyable to be able to swim. But it wasn’t possible, of course, they would stand at the shore, making fun of his without doubt ridiculous attempt and his physique. “I- no, as I already stated I was just curious.”

Finn crooked his eyebrow. “Really?”

“There is no need to provide some other would-be assassins with the opportunity to drown me like a nexu kitten.” Hux gulped. “Besides, what good is it for? I will probably die in prison or be sentenced to death. It’s just a waste of energy for everybody involved.”

Unamo frowned. “You realise that you didn’t answer the question, right?”

Hux just glared at him.

“Come on, Hux, can’t you give a straight answer?” said Finn.

The fact that he sounded kind, and not in the least bit aggressive irked Hux. He chewed on his lip. What was even the point? Even after all his efforts he was still weak, undisciplined. And soon everybody would know that he had fallen for a woman out of his league.

“I don’t like being humiliated,” he finally said.

Finn laughed. “Humiliated? What are you talking about?”

“Don’t laugh at me! I’m not dense! I know what everybody thinks about me, that I’m nothing but-” he broke off and pressed his lips together.

He expected Finn to taunt him, not Unamo… Unamo was too kind for that. But no mocking words came.

But he knew them all. Thin like a slip of paper. Silly. Weak. Pasty. Ugly-

_‘I love you. And I will always love you.’_

He froze. He hadn’t been a burden. For a moment he thought he could feel the warmth of sunshine.

“I changed my mind,” he said slowly. “I would like to learn how to swim.”

“That’s quite a turnaround,” said Finn. “But good for you I guess.”

Hux looked out to the lake again. It was meaningless, of course - it’s not like he would actually learn how to swim - what for? But he wanted to say it nonetheless. He wasn’t sure why.

Hux was excited to step into the Repair shop again. The moment he laid eyes on Sergeant Tico bent over an engine he smiled. He remembered that even Dameron had noticed that he smiled when he saw her but he couldn’t help himself.

She raised her head and smiled a little. The very sight made his chest hurt. By the stars, he really admired her.

“Good to see you, Hux! I’m working on this ancient propulsion system and could use your insight!”

He wanted to walk right over and have a look, but he had to wait impatiently until he was shackled to the workbench. “Is it a CC-14?”

“You bet! I haven’t seen one in working condition yet - present piece of junk included.” She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, the ponytail was a mess and there was a tiny smudge of oil on her jaw. She looked absolutely striking.

From the corner of his eye he saw Finn and Unamo leave. “Why would you waste your time with this thing?”

“We found an old stache with speeders. They’re mostly useless but some of them could be salvaged and updated.”

“Is the fuel injection still intact? The QW circuits aren’t exactly stable.”

“We have QEs for that.”

“Right.” He couldn’t help but stare at her.

“Seeing that you didn’t bring the cubes I take it that you left them back in your room?”

He blinked. “Er, yes. I apologize. I should have asked the guards to let me get them.”

She beamed at him. “No problem, I will just stop by later and we can have a look at the new tests. If you don’t mind of course.”

“I don’t mind,” he replied a little too quickly.

She didn’t seem to notice. “Alright then - first things first; let’s open up the CC-14!”

He got up and leaned as close as his shackles let him.

“That’s not very practical,” she said with a glance at his leg. “I will just come over to you.” She grabbed the engine and walked over to his workbench. She put it down and pulled a chair up.

Hux realised that she was close enough for him to smell her scent - flowery soap, oil and caf.

He gulped. She didn’t seem to mind the close proximity to him.

She took the hydrospanner out of her tool belt and started to screw the CC-14 open. Soon they were both engrossed in the old tech.

A couple of hours later they made a caf break, as always she brought him a mug.

“Thank you, Sergeant Tico.”

“Please, you can call me- uh, never mind,” there was a flush on her cheeks. “Sorry, sometimes my mouth is faster than my brain. You like being formal, don’t you?”

He shifted on his chair. “Yes, it’s easier, isn’t it? Everything is clear.”

“Is it really?”

“It used to be,” he took a gulp of caf. “But everything has changed.”

She shrugged. “That’s life I guess.”

“Perhaps.”

She stared into her mug. “I mean who would have thought that the two of us would one day work together? It’s strange isn’t it?”

“It is. But I’m glad that we uh, work together.”

“Me too, didn’t know that you were so good with designs.”

He felt heat crawling up his cheeks. “Likewise.”

The bogweed pasta tasted good, Hux noticed with some surprise. It seemed that the cook was getting better. Took him or her long enough, Hux thought.

Just as he had eaten the last bite, the door to his room opened and Sergeant Tico entered. He wiped his mouth with a napkin and put the tray away.

“Sorry, I didn’t realise that you were still eating,” she said.

“Don’t worry, I have just finished.”

She rubbed her hands together and grinned. “Great! Now to the data.”

“The tests were all good, as it stands your gel is good to go. Congratulations!”

“Yes!” she laughed and pumped her fist up in the air.

He laughed too. Seeing her so excited felt good, he felt warm.

“We have to celebrate! How about a glass of hutt sparkling wine?”

“I’m afraid that I’m a terrible host, I can’t offer you anything but a glass of tap water.”

“Heh, now I’m disappointed,” she smiled warmly at him. There was an odd feeling in his stomach.

She sighed. “That won’t do, wait here- ah, uh, I mean I will be right back.”

She was out of the door before he had come up with a sensible retort.

Minutes later she returned with a small bottle in her hand.

“That doesn’t look like huttese sparkling wine,” he observed.

“You don’t say. It’s the best I could find in the Cantina - prune juice and here,” she lifted her other hand and he saw a bottle of sparkling water, “is the other half of it.”

“Sweet ambrosia,” Hux murmured. 

“Quit whining and give me your glass, mug... whatever.”

He took put his glass into the drawer and she filled it with sparkling water and juice. She carefully pushed the drawer back lest nothing would spill and made herself a glass of the odd beverage.

He lifted the glass out and narrowed his eyes as he stared at it.

“It’s the thought that counts,” she said with a pixyish grin.

He chuckled and the frown on his face disappeared. “You are right of course.”

They both lifted their glasses and took a sip. The taste was first incredibly sweet and at the same time bland when the sparkling water kicked in.

Sergeant Tico grimaced. “Somehow I imagined it would be better.”

“It’s the thought that counts,” he said with a smile.

They both looked each other in the eyes until they almost simultaneously averted their gaze. Hux felt uneasy and hot, his stomach still feeling strange. After a few short moments he looked again at her; she was taking another gulp.

She could have checked on the data earlier and could have celebrated with her co-workers, her friends. But instead she was here, drinking thinned prune juice with him. His first instinct was to analyse her motivations, to apply logic. Or he could just ask her.

He cleared his throat. “I-” he broke off. He took a deep breath. “I can’t help but wonder; why are you here? You should celebrate the occasion with-”

“I thought about it before I came here, to be honest.” She smiled, but it faded again. “I think I came here because you helped me big time. You designed the cubes.” She licked her lips. “But I guess the truth is that I actually like you.”

His head started spinning, had she just said that? His heart rate accelerated and his mouth turned dry.

“I mean, it’s kriffed up, considering everything, but if I’m honest, then I have to admit it’s because I like you. And I like spending time with you. You are nice, considerate and brilliant.”

Was he dreaming? Did she just say that she liked him? Was it a prank? What if Dameron and the other were waiting outside, giggling about him? No, no, that couldn’t be. Ro- Sergeant Tico was too nice, too- she wouldn’t do that. Had he misheard? Yes, that must be it. But then again he couldn’t have misheard so badly could he? What if-

“Forget it,” she said, “I- it’s silly.”

The last word made his brain work again. “It’s not silly,” he whispered.

“What?”

“It’s not silly,” he said in a louder voice.

“It’s not?”

‘I like you too’, he thought and opened his mouth: “I- uh, appreciate our collaborations too. And you’re nice, considerate and brilliant too.”

“Reall-”

“And I like you too!” he added quickly before he could think about it too long. “And- and I think that you are very pretty.” The last bit came out of his mouth before he could stop himself and he could feel how his face turned red like a Pure Blooded Sith.

She gaped at him, then she scoffed. “No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are!”

“Yeah?” she stammered, “yeah? Listen up: You are handsome!”

“I’m not,” he retorted

“Yes, you are!”

“I am not, you are beautiful and I-” he stopped himself and they both stared at each other with a frown. “Perhaps we should just stop.”

She nodded and ran her hand through her hair. “Definitely.” She inhaled. “Did you really mean it?”

“I did.” He kneaded his hands. “LaVelle knew that I liked you, she lured me out of here by promising me that I would be able to see you sing.” Saying it out loud was easier than he had imagined. “I really wanted to hear you sing. But you were so silent that I couldn’t hear you from where I had hidden.” He scoffed. “I’m sorry. I know that’s creepy.”

“What? You- you saw me on the stage?”

“I’m sorry that I pretended that I hadn’t been there when I asked about your performance.”

She exhaled and took another gulp of sparkling prune juice. “It’s alright. I suppose you only said all this stuff to make me feel better.”

“I really believe that you are a great singer. I didn’t only say it because of-”

She wiped over her eyes. “Why are you so kind? You are not supposed to be so kind.”

Hux didn’t know what to say to that and silence stretched out.

“Do you want me to sing for you?”

He got up and stepped as close to the force field as he could. “Yes, please.”

She put the glass on the chair next to her, and took a few deep breaths. After a short moment of hesitation she started to sing a song, after a few verses Hux realised that it must be the song she had mentioned before: [Shchedryk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UmvUy1LziE). It was a poignant song, reminding him of biting cold and snow. It was mesmerising. 

She closed her eyes and sang in a soft voice, but suddenly she stopped. “It doesn’t sound that great without a second voice.”

“I think it was beautiful.” He smiled a little. “Thank you for singing it for me.”

She grabbed her glass and emptied it. She sniffled.


	19. Waking Up

That night he dreamed again. It was the same dream he had before, the one about his mother smiling and giving him the ring.

When he woke up he felt invigorated, full of enthusiasm. He recalled the conversation he had with Rose the evening before and smiled to himself. He quickly washed his face and brushed his teeth, waiting almost impatiently for breakfast. He wanted to go to the Repair shop as quickly as possible - she liked him, she really liked him, he thought over and over again.

When Rey appeared he noticed that she looked tired.

“Good morning, Master Rey.”

“Good morning, Hux.”

“I would offer you caf, but I’m afraid I can’t.”

She lifted her chin. “It’s General Organa. I’m afraid she is very sick.”

His good mood was a little dimmed. “I’m sorry to hear that.” So she would really die in her bed like a civilian?

“I talked to her last night. She wanted to know how you are doing.”

Hux frowned. “I find that hard to believe.”

“She wants to see you.”

He got up from his cot. “Why?”

Instead of answering his question she turned to Connix, who was standing in the back of the room like always. “Please turn off the force field.”

Hux stepped out of his cell and lifted his hands so that they could cuff him.

Rey shook her head. “Just follow me.”

He didn’t like where this was headed. Rey’s tone had an odd note in it, but he couldn’t identify it. Perhaps it was General Organa's state? It must be hard for the Resistance to see their idol wither away.

They left the room and walked down the hallway.

If her health was poor, why did she want to see him? She was weak, it didn’t make sense to show weakness in front of an adversary.

“This way,” said Rey, and pointed him towards a smaller hallway right after the Cantina.

Hux did as he was told and soon they had reached an unremarkable door. Rey pressed a button and the door slid open.

“She is waiting for you.”

Hux glanced over his shoulder. “You would leave her alone with me?”

“It was her wish.”

She stepped back and the door closed behind Hux. He scanned the room with his eyes. The room was full of furniture made of dark brown wood. It didn’t look expensive, but there they were aesthetically pleasing. The walls were decorated with white cloth. Then he noticed a small table with flowers on it in the middle of the room. The flowers were remarkably blue, almost purple.

“Come on in, I don’t bite,” rang a voice out.

Hux looked around and saw that in the back of the room - hidden somewhat by the white cloth - there was a bed.

He stepped closer and saw General Organa struggle to sit up. She wore a dark purple dress and her hair was sloppily braided. She still looked as commanding as ever.

Hux straightened his back. “General Organa, Master Rey told me that you wanted to see me.”

She coughed. “Yes, I did.” With a trembling hand, she took a glass of water from her nightstand and drank it in little gulps. “Do you want tea?”

“Yes, please.”

She smiled, it was a tired but friendly smile. “MX-4, Tarine Tea please.”

A small droid appeared out of nowhere and beeped.

“You remembered,” said Hux quietly. 

“Of course. And since I’m… less mobile, I read all reports concerning you.”

He scoffed. “Why? I feel like I have run out of useful information I’m willing to give up.”

“I have to admit that I had an ulterior motive when I started interrogating you.” She gestured towards a dark armchair next to her bed.

Hux sat down. “I can’t say that I’m surprised. I knew that you wanted to manipulate me to get me to divulge information.”

She coughed again and drew a ragged breath. It sounded as if something was rattling in her lungs. “I’m afraid that wasn’t my true goal. That’s why I want to apologize to you.”

Hux frowned, but before he could speak a loud beep made him turn his head. MX-4 was offering him a cup of steaming tea. He took it quickly and turned his attention to her. “Apologize to me? Why in the Galaxy would you do that?”

“I love my son,” she said suddenly.

He blinked, what was she going on about?

“I love him and I wanted him to learn the ways of the Force. He was always such a shy and quiet boy and he-” she coughed again. “He cared so much. Too much. There was so much love and... anger inside him. I thought he should learn to control it. So I asked Luke to take care of him, to train him.”

Hux felt how all the colour drained from his face. “Your son was Luke Skywalker’s student?”

“His padawan, yes.” She inhaled with a pained expression on her face. “I thought I did the right thing, I really did. But we lost him. He drifted away and I- I couldn’t get him back.”

Hux stared at the tea in his hand. There was only one student he knew of. “Kylo Ren is your son?” he asked in a low voice.

She nodded with a sad smile. “That’s what he calls himself now. He used to be Ben Solo.”

He gulped. “I assume Master Rey knows?”

“They all know. But we never talk about it, they treat him like a stranger, but it tears my heart to pieces every time I hear his name and the way they say it. They talk about this horrible man, the man who killed Han like he is an evil entity.” She put her hand on her chest. “But it’s my boy, my little lost boy.” She clutched the fabric of her dress. “I’m not blind. I see what he has done, what he is doing and what he will be doing.”

Hux was at a loss for words and awkwardly took a sip of tea.

“But he isn’t completely gone, I know it. There is still good in him.” She let go of her dress and leaned back in her bed. “Despite everything, I hoped that he would return to us- to me.”

“Why?” The question escaped Hux before he could stop himself.

“Because he’s my son and I love him.” She coughed again. “But I made another mistake. I forgot about my own mortality.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You see, I always envisioned him returning to me, I would embrace him and then- I don't know. Then everything would be alright. I would save him.” She chuckled dryly. “But I never thought about who would save him if I’m gone.” She leaned forward and grabbed Hux’s hand. He flinched and drew his hand back so fast that his tea spilled. He put the mug on the table and wiped his hand on his pants.

She waited for a moment, then she reached out again and took his hand. This time he didn’t pull back. Feeling her warmth on his skin was oddly comforting.

“Who will love him after everything he has done, all the lives he had taken? After all the crimes he had been a co-perpetrator?”

Hux started to feel uneasy despite her comforting warmth. He looked in her eyes and slowly realisation began to sink in. He was her guinea pig. He was nothing but a stand-in for Ren. All these times he had thought that she spend her precious time with him was a sign of respect. Perhaps even a sign of genuine interest.

He slowly pulled his hand away, his throat was laced up. He had trouble breathing. He really was pathetic, he had really believed that the galactic legend Leia Organa had been interested in him.

“I was selfish, I thought that if I could show that you were worthy of compassion that they would be able to do the same for Ben.” She sighed. “They see me as this- this grand larger-than-life legend. They think that I have all the answers, that I’m always right because I’m Leia Organa and because I’m Force sensitive.”

“I didn’t know that you are Force sensitive,” he said in a throaty voice. That would of course explain why they would leave him alone with her. Even on her deathbed she was more than a match for him.

She grimaced. “Of course not, I didn’t advertise it and I’m not really trained in it. Not like Luke.”

“No wonder nobody would best you in all these years.” And he had actually thought that they were on the same footing, of course a Force user of royal blood would never respect a Force blind bastard. Silly.

She coughed again. “Oh, I was defeated countless times but as the past fades people only like to remember the great deeds. Speaking of deeds - there is still something that I owe you besides an apology.

She leaned over to the nightstand and opened a small drawer, she rummaged in it for a bit until she had obviously found what she was looking for. She took something and leaned back. She opened her hand and presented him a ring.

The very sight took Hux’s breath away. It was the ring his mother had given him in his dream- no, in his memory. He quickly took it as if it would vanish into thin air and turned it around, hoping to see something, perhaps an inscription or… he didn’t know what he was looking for.

“How is this possible?” he asked wide-eyed. “How can you have her ring?”

“Hold it in the middle and turn it clockwise.” Her voice was calm but throaty. 

He did as he was told and to his surprise the small metallic centre of the ring was opened and revealed the symbol of the Resistance.

“That’s- that’s-”, he stammered.

“When you arrived here you were scared and hostile. I could feel your inner turmoil through the Force. And when Connix reported to me that you refused to answer any questions I thought that I should try to calm you down.”

He just stared at her, unable to even guess what she would say next.

“I reached out and looked for a moment of peace in your mind, a way to calm you, to take your fear away.” She took his hand again. “You asked where I got the ring from. I want to show you something, will you let me?”

He gulped and nodded, unable to refuse her.

“Come closer,” she said, her voice warm and friendly but a hint of sadness in it.

He scooted closer until she could reach his temple, she placed her hand on it. “Please close your eyes.”

His pulse was accelerating, a sense of dread took hold of him. But he had to know. He closed his eyes.

At first there was only darkness.

Then he could feel the warmth on his face, it felt like sunshine and moments later he was outside, his mother stood in front of him, smiling at him. He couldn’t help but feel affection spread in his chest at the sight of her.

His mother knelt down and wiped the tears on his cheeks away. “Don’t be sad, sweety. Even if I’m sending you away, you know that I love you, right?”

Hux sniffled. “You do?”

“Of course I do, I’m your mother.” She smiled at him, Hux was happy, he knew that soon she would pull him into a hug. But something was off, her golden hair and her bright blue eyes started to darken, and in a matter of moments she had a long dark-brown hair.

Hux noticed that he was now standing next to her, she was looking at a dark-haired boy with the same dark eyes she had. She embraced the boy and gave him a peck on his forehead. “It’s the best for you, you need to learn how to use your talents.”

The dark-haired boy buried his face into her shoulder. 

“I love you. And I will always love you.” She let go of him and reached into her dress pocket. “This is for you - if you ever feel alone you can look at this.” She put a ring in his hand. It was a large silvery one, far too big for his small fingers.

The boy sniffed again. “Is it yours?”

“Yes, it’s mine and now it’s yours.” She took a piece of cord and ran it through the ring and made a knot. She took the pendant and put it around his neck.

Hux stared at the mother and her son, still feeling the warmth, the affection that was not his. The love that was never meant for him. A sob escaped his lips. His heart felt like it was shrivelling, his whole torso hurt. The images faded and he buried his face in his hands.

Stupid. Ridiculous. He had really believed that someone had ever felt like that about him, looking at him with such kindness and love in their eyes. Giving him the feeling like he wasn’t disgusting. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

He sobbed, unable to pull himself together in front of the legendary General Organa. Weak. No wonder that nobody could even stand to look at him without recoiling.

He felt arms around him, pulling him closer and without thinking he let it happen. He grabbed her shoulder and held her tight.

“It hurts so much,” he whispered between sobs, “why does it hurt so much?”

She stroked his hair and held him. “I am sorry. I didn’t know that you would see this memory, I just tried to project the feeling you were missing.” She pulled him closer, whispering in his ear. “I’m sorry, Armitage.”

He couldn’t bring it over him to let go of her. Stars knew that he should but he just couldn’t. “Don’t, please don’t call me that.”

“You are more than your last name, I know that you are more than that.”

He sniffled. “Who cares? Who cares what I am?”

“I do,” she said in her calm voice. “I do because every living being deserves somebody who cares. And I’m quite sure that Sergeant Tico cares too.”

The mention of Sergeant Tico made him sober up. He let go of her, missing her warmth the moment he chose to push himself away.

“Rey scolded me you know,” General Organa said in a raspy voice. She coughed again. “She called me out - told me that I had wronged you.”

Hux rubbed his eyes. “She told me as much when she visited me in my cell after the assault.” His heart was heavy. The afterglow of Organa’s warmth was fading slowly.

“She has such a good heart,” she said, there was a lot of affection audible in her voice. Affection he never had.

Hux looked down on the tips of his boots. A clammy feeling had taken hold of his heart. “I don’t understand how they do it… how do they stay hopeful and kind in this Galaxy?”

“Rey and Finn?”

“Yes… they both never knew their parents, endured hardship and still- still they could-”

“Because they chose to.” 

Hux stared at his hands. “Was this why your son became Kylo Ren? Because he chose to?”

She sighed. “In all these years I have read so much about the Dark side and the Light side of the Force, volume after volume, each and every one of them going on about the pull of the Force.” She put her hand on his. “In my humble opinion it’s all bullshit. The Force didn’t make Ben to kill all these people, the Force also didn’t make Rey to decide not to join him. It was their choice.”

“Just like I chose to shoot down the rescue pods above Crait,” said Hux in a low voice. “And when I…”

“Yes. We both know of course that there are always external circumstances… but still. Deep in our hearts we know when we could have chosen different.” She cleared her throat. “MX-4, a cup of Alderaanian Green Tea please.”

The droid beeped in acknowledgment.

Hux remembered that he had tea as well. The mug stood on the nightstand. He grabbed it and took a gulp, his throat felt dry. The tea was cold of course.

They waited in silence until Organa had her tea.

“The thought pains me more than I can tell you - that Ben chose to do all these things. He is hurting, I know it… I felt it. And I blame myself. I know that it was his choice but I still blame myself.” She sipped her tea. “The irony is not lost on me - the legendary Leia Organa, trying to save the Galaxy when she couldn’t even save her own son.”

“I never understood Ren, I mean I understood the Philosophy of the Order and everything that came with it. I understand why people want power… but Ren. He was different. All rage and with this reckless need to destroy - sacrificing Stormtroopers just because he could.” He looked at her. “Something primal drives him.”

“Perhaps. But he will always be my son, and I will always be his mother.”

Hux thought about his own mother, all had been an illusion. He had actually thought that he could find a lost part of himself by scouring the Galaxy for the memory a woman that was long dead.

“You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to save himself,” said Hux.

She crooked her eyebrow. “Does this apply to you too?”

He scoffed. “Of course not, I snuffed out an entire system. Do you know why I was in command of Starkiller Base? Because no one else was keen on being a mass murderer. Yes, even in the First Order, even among power-hungry career soldiers they knew that it would tarnish what’s left of their soul. Would we order orbital bombardments and raze cities? Yes. Would we drink and use stims to numb us so that we could forget all the blood and gore? Yes.”

“You told us that you don’t regret it.”

“Regret is such an imprecise word. I knew what I was doing and I thought that it was the price we- I had to pay for galactic peace.” He exhaled. “At least that’s what I tell myself.”

She coughed again and put her cup on the nightstand. “I don’t think that you are beyond saving, but perhaps you’re right, only you can truly save yourself.”

Hopeful until the end, thought Hux. At least for Ren. “You said it yourself, your goal was to save your son. I’m just a stand-in, I know that so I think we have said what needs to be said.” He put his tea on the nightstand and stood up.

“Rey was right, you know. We are all connected throughout the Force, every sentient being has their own story, your story doesn’t end with Starkiller. It continues to be written. And you are the one holding the pen.”

“I’m not holding anything, least of all a pen. I’m your prisoner,” he said with bitterness in his voice.

She coughed again. “Then who has written the tale about the giant who has leaped into the lake to save Kere and Imani? And who has co-authored the story about a wondrous super-conductive gel?”

“Your metaphor is certainly consistent. I see your point.”

She leaned back and massaged her temple. “I’m afraid that I’m tired, if you would excuse me.”

“Goodbye, General Organa”

“Goodbye, Armitage.”


	20. Buoyant Force

Master Rey was waiting outside. “Do you want to go outside or would you rather return to your cell? I imagine the talk was taxing.”

He straightened his back, to his own surprise he realised that he had caught himself. The episode where he clung to General Organa seemed surreal and far away now. Taking a walk would certainly help to clear his head. “Outside, please.”

“Come on, then,” she gestured towards the hallway and took her holo out. “Unamo? We’re going for a walk, meet us lakeside.”

Hux knew the way so he took the lead, Rey was walking behind him.

He went over the conversation with Organa, the fact that he had lived off second-hand affection made his stomach hurt. Ren had it all, Ren had _all _of it - the Force sensitivity, the love of his parents… a bright future. And he had thrown it away.

Hux couldn’t help but feel envious. Ren was everything he wanted to be. It wasn’t fair. Well, the Galaxy isn’t a fair place where everybody got what they deserved, he thought with bitterness.

Rey and Finn had managed to take their fate in their own hands, especially Finn, who had risked everything. He was the architect of his own fortune, by sheer will and grit. That was what Organa had talked about when she used the metaphor of writing one’s own book.

And she had been right, hadn’t she? His life wasn’t over yet, he had endured countless setbacks and was still here. Despite all the humiliation and his failings.

They stepped outside and Hux saw Unamo walking towards them. “Hi, to the lake?” 

Unamo smiled and Hux realised that it was meant for both of them. Oddly enough it calmed him.

He nodded. “Perhaps a walk through the forest?”

“Alright, then.” He pulled a cylindrical vessel out of his pocket and handed it to Rey. “Here, it’s caf. You look like you could need it.”

Rey beamed at him. “Thank you!”

They started to walk towards the lake, or rather the forest surrounding the lake.

Hux’s thoughts returned again to his talk with General Organa and his envy towards Ren. He was familiar with that feeling - and he knew how to deal with it: he couldn’t rely on anybody to make it disappear, he could only rely on himself.

He was supposed to be angry at Organa for deceiving him, for making him feel all this- this… but he discovered that he wasn’t furious at her. What would be the point? He knew anger and hate intimately, they had served him well in the Order as he climbed to the top. But now… having experienced kindness and hope… he didn’t want to return to former self.

But what else was there? He had nothing, nothing at all. But he couldn’t give up, not now. He had been nothing before and he managed to become someone. He could do it again.

Organa had been right, he had to save himself. He envied Finn and Rey because they had overcome who they were supposed to be and became who they wanted to be.

Hux had looked in the past, clinging to his father and his mother for acknowledgement even though he knew that he would never get it. He had thought that he had overcome this sentiment when he killed Brendol Hux, but all it took was a dream to cling to the memory of his mother.

The forest was pleasantly cool, fir needles crunched under his boots. He inhaled the smell.

Either he would return to his old ways, berate himself for his shortcomings like he used to or he could decide to continue his own story. He lifted his chin. Even if he failed, he had to try.

He slowed his step until he stopped.

“What’s up?” asked Unamo.

“Nothing,” he replied, “I just realised something.” He turned to face Rey and Unamo. “I would like to go back - I’m late for the Repair shop.”

The evening came quickly, Serg- Rose promised that she would drop by later. Hux had just eaten his dinner when she appeared. He smiled at her.

She held the ancient datapad with his notes in her hands. “I checked the design for your BY-droids - looks fine to me.”

His smile faded and he gulped. So she hadn’t discovered his hidden commands? He wanted to tell her… but what if that shattered the fragile trust they had built? No, no there was no need to tell her, at least not now.

“I had forgotten about them,” he admitted truthfully.

“I guess I will build at least one of them tomorrow, see how it works. It’s getting cooler outside, but there still will be a few warm summer days - so they could be useful.”

“Perhaps I will even learn how to swim,” he said with a thin smile, “so in a way I built them so save myself.”

“You will?”

“Ehm, yes. F-Finn offered… I don’t know if he was really serious.” He blushed a little. “Theoretically it shouldn’t be impossible. Every object that is less dense than water floats. By moving his or her arms through the water the swimmer creates a thrust force that propels the swimmer forward. For a swimmer moving at constant speed through the water the thrust force is equal to the drag force. The buoyant force-” he broke off. “I guess the thought makes me nervous.”

She sat down on the floor in front of his cell. “Why does it make you nervous?”

Silly, weak- no, no he wasn’t supposed to think that. He pushed those thoughts away. He wanted to change. “I think I will look ridiculous.”

“I don’t think so, but even if you would - who cares?” She had a contemplative look on her face. “Would you mind if I came? I could help too.”

He kneaded his hands. “I- I wouldn’t mind.”

“Really? You sound like you would.”

He mustered all his courage and said: “It’s just that I’m not exactly athletic and well, I like you and I really admire you. I think it would be awkward.”

“You realise that that’s just your issues talking, right?”

“Yes.”

“Well, then it’s settled - I will talk to Finn and we will make sure that your droid is ready before we try anything.”

He nodded.

“So, on the topic on the CC-14 - what do you think about overclocking the QEs?”

He edged closer to the force field. “You know it would fry them. Unless… hand me the datapad, please.”

She put it in the drawer and he took it, starting to program a simulation for the QEs.

“What would you say if we shut down the force field for the time being?” she asked in a low voice.

He lowered the pad. “Do you want to shock me again?”

She laughed. “Yeah, that’s my plan. No, really - are we going to pass us the pad through the drawer for like thousand times?”

“It’s certainly not practical.” He shifted in his seat. “But I don’t want you to feel unsafe.”

She pursed her lips. “I get the feeling that you could’ve stabbed me with the hydro-spanner anytime you wanted in the past few days. I think I will take my chances.”

She stood up and went to the console, a few moments later the force field was gone.

Slowly he stepped out of his cell, waiting for her by the chair. She walked closer to him, a shiver ran down his spine. It felt strange, not being held back by a physical barrier.

His grip around the pad in his hand became firmer. “I’ll just finish the program.” He sat down on the floor right before his cell and leaned against it’s metal post.

She sat down next to him. “The camera won’t be a problem, in case you’re wondering. The droid surveilling it is programmed only to raise an alarm if you were to leave this room without company.”

“I assumed that they would have changed that after the last time.”

She shook her head. “They added security protocols for physical violence, that’s all.”

He wrote a new code and they were silent for a few moments. Then he handed her the pad and she checked his programming. She fixed it here and there and gave it back to him, about half an hour later they had set up a basic simulation.

She started it and watched it unfold on the screen. They both tried to have a look on the screen, their faces were a little closer together than usual.

He had to force himself to look at the simulation and not at her; she was so close that he thought he could feel her body heat. Only after a while he realised that she was looking at him instead of the screen. Slowly he turned to face her.

There was something in her eyes, perhaps a glint or a sparkle. He was feeling warmer by the minute.

“Can I touch your hair?” she whispered.

He nodded, unable to articulate words while staring in her beautiful dark-brown eyes. She reached out and he gasped a little when he felt her hand run through his hair.

“It’s so soft,” she said, still whispering. “I thought it would be soft. Like a warm Autumn day.”

“Do you really like it?” He wanted to touch her hand, trace her fingers with his. It had to feel like electricity, like soft plasma. But he didn’t dare.

“It’s beautiful.”

He plucked up his heart and put his hand on hers. Her skin on the back of her hand was soft, he took it and caressed her rough fingertips, her palms were a little dry from all the manual labour. 

Finally he brushed over her wrists, watching her closely. Her mouth was agape, she seemed to like it. He gulped and presented his wrist with the old scar, she mirrored his gesture and caressed the sensitive skin on his tendrons. The sensation almost took his breath away.

The pad beeped, the simulation had run its course. They both didn’t bother to look.

She lifted her hand up to his face and cupped his cheek, brushing his cheekbone with her thumb, her hand traveled down to his mouth and she stopped short before she made contact with his lips.

“This is such a bad idea,” she whispered before she leaned in.

“The worst,” he agreed before he leaned in too. The first thing he noticed was how smooth her lips were, and how incredibly hot they were. This kiss was different from all the other kisses Hux had experience, not greedy, hastily and almost brutal but soft and slow.

When they ended the kiss they were both out of breath.

“Is the surveillance droid a IO-10 or higher?” asked Hux while trying to catch his breath.

“IO-11 of course, easy to hack.” She gave him a peck on the cheek. “I know, I know, I have only 5 minutes to erase the memory before it gets logged.”

He returned to the cell and Rose activated the force field before she disappeared for about a minute. When she returned she wore a cocky grin.

“Easy. We should really up the security on this thing.” She put her hand on the metallic structure of the cell, just next to the force field. She looked at him, there was no disgust in her eyes. He exhaled.

“I didn’t expect that.” His heart felt full and he wished that he could touch her once again.

She smiled shyly. “Me neither. But it was... nice, wasn’t it?”

“It was.”

“I better get going now. But I’m looking forward to the swimming lessons.”

He returned the smile. “Me too.”

That night he had different dreams than before, when he woke up in the morning he discreetly turned away from the camera and relieved himself.

Unamo appeared with the breakfast. “Morning.”

“Morning, Private Unamo. Do you know which Senior Officer will accompany us today?”

“I think it’s Finn’s turn - or Poe’s. I’m not quite sure.”

He straightened himself. “I see.”

“Either way - the weather is not so good. It’s raining. So perhaps we’ll go for a walk on the airfield.”

Hux nodded. 

When Master Rey appeared she looked ever wearier than the day before. 

“How is General Organa?” asked Hux. To his surprise he registered that he really cared.

“She grows weaker from day to day.” Rey sat down on the chair. “The kolto isn’t working anymore.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

She looked his straight in the eye. “You really are. Even after everything you regret seeing her go?”

“She is a remarkable military leader.” He hesitated for a moment. “And she showed me kindness… in a way.”

“She always says that it’s the gift of age - to be able to see past the moment.”

“From everybody else this would be an empty pseudo-mysterious sentence… but not from her.”

She tilted her head. “Yes, she is wise. But I’m a bit surprised to hear this from you.”

He was again a bit surprised at himself. He couldn’t help but respect her despite her probably looking down on him. “Please ask your questions, I’m a tad restless today. I would go on my walk on time.”

“Sure. What’s the range of the Stormtrooper blaster rifles?”

“400 metres in theory, but with the right wind they are accurate on 500 metres.”

“What about the Hunter droids?”

“Their weapons reach in theory 1200 metres. Their accuracy drops after 900 metres.”

She leaned back in the chair. “Why are you restless?”

He thought about lying to her, but he felt somehow that wouldn’t be right. “After General Organa had told me the truth about my memories I- I finally realised what Ren had meant when he said that we should let the past die.”

“What about the other part, the one about killing it.”

He scoffed. “Ren is a moron, we can’t kill the past - it constitutes who we are. All my life I struggled to become the man I wanted to be in the past. I never understood that I’m not bound to old wishes or ghosts from the past. I’m allowed to change. It’s not defeat to change, it’s necessary.”

“What do you mean?”

“When I was a child I was... clumsy, insecure and my father told me that I was dim-witted. I don’t remember how I really was like back then, but I still believe that I’m like that. Because it was perhaps true once it still has to be true - at least that’s what I thought.” He rubbed his wrists.

“My father moulded me in his image,” he continued, “and I thought that he had succeeded. I am a ruthless soldier, I have killed without remorse, and when I looked in the mirror in the morning-” he broke off. “I never thought I'd be more than this.”

Rey looked at him but didn’t say anything.

“And I never thought that there is a Galaxy out there where people actually care about each other. Where jailers bring their prisoners tea, where-” memories of General Organas warm hug resurfaced, “-where cynicism is not all-encompassing. Where it seems like a good idea to jump into a lake even though one can’t swim.”

“It’s odd, isn’t it? How you never give up hope despite everything, despite knowing better.”

He nodded. “Are you referring to your parents?”

“Yes, I- I pretended that they would come back for me. In the end, Ren told the truth about my parents, he said that they were junk traders - they sold me to a Crolute so that they could buy fuel and drinks.” She grimaced. “I knew. I have always known. I guess I told myself so many times that they would come back, regret what they had done that I started to believe it myself.”

Hux gulped, that sounded too familiar.

Rey shrugged. “I think in the end we want to believe in a better Galaxy, despite everything.”

“I think Ren would disagree.”

She looked him straight in the eye. “I’m not sure about that. After all, I didn’t think you could change. But here you are.” She leaned forward. “Would you go back to the Order if you could?”

He thought about it. “I honestly don’t know. It’s the only place where I belonged. No, the longer I think about it, I don’t think I want to go back. There was this sense of purpose but-”

“Sometimes when everything gets… so complicated I catch myself wishing I was still on Jakku,” said Rey suddenly. “Everything was so clear, nothing mattered but the next portion. And now- now General Organa tells me that the fate of the Galaxy depends on me.”

“I always thought that the fate of the Galaxy wasn’t up to a single person.”

She smiled. “I hope so too, I get the feeling that I’m not terribly good at it.” She checked her chronometer. “Oh, I guess it’s almost time for your walk - do you want to ask your questions?”

“I already asked one, but I will gladly ask you the last two questions: Why do you think that Ren wanted you to join him?”

Her answer came quickly. “I think he’s lonely.”

“But- but he had _everything_, his parents were famous, he was Force sensitive and all he had to do is to grasp the chances that were right before him. Why?”

“I don’t know. He is missing something, perhaps he doesn’t even know himself what he is looking for. That’s the hardest part in life, isn’t it? Figuring out what we _really _want. What fills that hole inside one’s chest. Because at times it seems impossible to fill this bottomless gaping void, sometimes it feels like it will always be there.” She put her hand on her chest. “And then- then something happens and it feels like the hole was never there.”

“Does it last? Does the hole really close?” asked Hux in a low voice.

“No, it doesn’t. But perhaps one day it will.” Rey stood up. “It’s time for your walk.”

When he finally returned from his walk and stood in the Repair shop, Hux felt nervous. His heart rate accelerated when he didn’t see Rose at her work place.

Did she regret their kiss? Was he disgusted by him? Why wasn’t she here?

“Hot caf coming through,” said a familiar voice from behind.

Hux spun around and saw Rose coming towards him with two mugs in her hands. He beamed at her and felt heat crawl up his cheeks.

“Thank you,” he said as he took his mug. His fingers brushed hers and he couldn’t help but feel happy.

“Let’s get to work,” she said. “There is much to do… perhaps we can even work in the evening if you don’t mind.”

“Of course I don’t mind,” he said quickly. 

She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “Alright then, but first things first. We need to have another look at the CC-14.”


	21. The Liar

The evening came fast, but not fast enough for Hux. During dinner he thought about what he wanted to say to her, what he wanted to ask her. But for the most time he imagined how it would feel to kiss her again.

When the doors slid open he jumped up on his feet. But instead of Rose there was a large spherical droid floating in. It was painted in bright orange and white and it took Hux a moment to recognize it as a holo-droid.

Right behind the droid Rose stepped in and patted the droid. “Surprise! I build your guardian droid. And I even painted it!”

“What was wrong with the dark grey colours of the original droid?”

“Duh, it’s a rescue droid. It’s supposed to look nice and friendly.”

He smiled. “I see. Thank you.” He chose not to think about the hidden program.

“The second is almost finished too.” She went over to the console and lowered the force field. “Finn is on a mission but when he’s back you can begin your swimming class.”

He hesitated for a moment before he stepped out of his cell. He closed in on the droid and looked at it.

Rose stepped next to him and put her hand on his upper arm, he could feel her warmth through the fabric of his shirt. He stared at her, she didn’t even seem to notice what she was doing to him, what this gesture meant to him.

“This was really a great idea, I’ll deploy them first thing tomorrow.”

He tore his eyes away from her and looked at the droid. “Have you tested them already?”

“Yeah, of course. Went by the lake right before dinner, I asked one of the guys at the beach to pretend to be drowning - it worked like a charm.”

Hux gasped. “It did? The droid could lift an adult into safety?”

She smiled. “Well, I might have improved the shield modulators. They’re a bit stronger than in your design. Who knew that force field could actually carry someone without electrocuting them.”

What brilliance! Hot affection boiled up in his chest. Hux cupped her face and kissed her. She grabbed him bis his ass and pulled him closer. He ran his hands over her face, her collarbone and embraced her as their kiss deepened.

When they finally broke the kiss she wiped over her eyes. “Damn it, we got only five minutes.” Then she grabbed him by his lapels and kissed him again.

He felt his cock stiffen as she pressed herself against him, when she ended the kiss they both panted.

“Kriff, I’ve got to go.”

She rushed out of the room, leaving him behind without locking him into his cell. Hux was startled to realise that he was alone in the room with a droid that was programmed to obey him. In a few moments every interaction that happened in this room would be wiped.

He had to know.

“Command activation: A. Hux, Code: 348570239R.”

“Command recognized, ready for input,” said the droid in binary.

“No command input, resume primary program.”

“Closing command input.”

Hux wiped over his face. He felt uneasy, it would have been easier if his hidden program hadn’t worked. What now? He- he didn’t want to leave her.

He exhaled. This had been the perfect opportunity to flee. They would imprison him for life or even execute him. He couldn’t stay here indefinitely. But where would he go? What was he supposed to do?

The doors slid open again and Rose literally ran into the room. She looked from Hux to the cell and back to Hux. She was visibly upset.

He felt a stab in his heart, he didn’t want her to be upset, whatever the reason. “About the QEs,” he blurted out, “I uh, I thought about them.” He straightened his back. “The CC-14 could be replaced with an entirely new engine. If you want I could design a prototype for you. A simpler model of the CD-15 perhaps.”

She still looked uneasy. “That would be great.” She didn’t sound convinced.

By the stars, he wanted to- to hug her, to give her a peck on her genius head. But he couldn’t. Their five minutes were over.

He cleared his throat. “I- I could start with the basic design and you could improve it, like the last time.”

She kneaded her hands. “It was reckless of me… leaving you here on your own. That’s disrespectful to my friends, to the Resistance.”

He felt a lump in his throat. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t- don’t say that. It’s not your fault, it’s mine.” She crossed her arms and blinked. “For all I know you could just pretend to like me. Waiting for me to make a mistake so you can escape.” She looked unhappy. “It makes sense, doesn’t it?”

“I’m still here,” he said in a quiet voice.

“I know.” She put her hands on her hips. “And I know that you snuck out of your cell because LaVelle offered you to hear me sing. I know, alright?” She wiped over her eyes. “I guess I’m just spooked that I forgot to lock you in your cell. On my way back I realised that I simply hadn’t thought about it. And I- I raced back here, my thoughts spinning out of control…” she trailed off.

“I understand, I really do.” He saw the BY-droid from the corner of his eye. “It’s wise to never let one’s guard down.”

“I think that that ship has sailed since I decided to let you out of your cell,” she dryly retorted.

He smiled. “And here I thought it was the moment when you-” ‘kissed me’. He didn’t speak the words, he just looked at her.

She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “I know this will sound naïve - but I need to hear it: Can I trust you?”

“Yes,” he said without hesitation.

She exhaled. “I believe you.”

Just as she wanted to continue the door slid open and Unamo appeared. He stopped dead and lifted his blaster rifle when he saw Hux outside of his cell. “What the-”

“It’s alright,” said Rose quickly, “we’re working on this droid together. I got it under control.”

Hux took a step back to show Unamo that he wasn’t a danger.

“We have to talk about this later - Rey sends me, General Organa, she…” Unamo gulped. “I’m afraid she won’t survive the night.”

Rose covered her mouth with her hand. “No.”

Hux wasn’t surprised by the news, after all she had looked quite sick when he had last seen her.

Unamo lowered his rifle. “She wants to see you, Hux. The Force knows why.”

“Me?”

“You heard me, come on.”

Hux looked at Rose a last time before he turned and left with Unamo.

In front of the door of Leia’s chamber was Connix, she had puffy eyes but still managed to glare at Hux.

Unamo ushered him in and as soon as he was inside he saw Commander Dameron, Master Rey and Finn standing around General Organa’s bed.

He stepped forward, before he could see Organa’s small form lying in the bed he could hear her; ragged, stertorous breaths. He knew that sound, it was the same when a soldier died because of his punctured lungs being filled with blood.

Master Rey looked at him. “She is slipping in and out of consciousness. She asked for you but… but I’m not sure if she remembers it.”

“We shouldn’t have let him come,” said Dameron in an unusually serious way.

“It was her wish,” replied Finn. “We have to honour it.”

Hux draw closer, she looked pale and gaunt. Her eyes fluttered open. “Ben? Is that you? I can’t see you, the light is too bright.”

The light was already quite dim. Hux didn’t know what to say so he remained silent. Perhaps she just needed a moment to gather herself.

“Ben? Where are you?” she whispered but the room was so quiet that her words were as loud as thunder.

Hux could hear Dameron sniffle, he himself felt a lump forming in his throat.

“Ben?” The sound of her voice was heart-breaking - after everything she had accomplished in her life, in the last moments she could only linger on her biggest regret. Or at least that’s how Hux understood it.

“Please, Ben… where are you?”

“What- what shall we do? We can’t lie to her,” whispered Dameron.

No, they couldn’t lie to a dying woman, thought Hux. They were too good for that. But he could. He was a monster after all. He gulped and took her hand. “I’m here, mother.” He could hear gasps behind him.

She didn’t seems to register his Imperial accent. “Ben? I can’t see you, the light is too bright.”

“Everything is alright now, I’m here. I have returned to- to the Light side,” Hux said.

Tears started to run down her cheeks. “I knew there was still good in you.”

“Yes, there is, just like you said. I’m so glad that you never gave up on me.”

She drew a rattling breath. “Go fetch your father, please. I miss him so much you know. I never- never told him how much I really love him… how much I love this scruffy looking nerf herder.”

Finn stepped forward and cupped her cheek. “I’m here too, p- princess.”

“Han, stop calling me that,” she whispered. “I- I love you, you scoundrel.”

Finn blinked tears away. “I love you.”

“Ben- Ben is back, see? I told you that he would come back, that he still loves us.”

“Yes, yes you were right of course. You always are.”

She took another deep stertorous breath. “Ben, are you still here?”

Hux leaned forward, still holding her hand. “Yes, of course.”

“I love you, my boy, so so much. I’m so happy that you’re home.”

Hux blinked. “I’m happy too, I missed you.”

Finn caressed her cheek. “Rey and Poe are here too, we are all here. Everything is alright.”

“Everything is alright,” she weakly repeated.

“Yes,” said Finn, “everything is alright. You can rest now.”

“Yes, rest… I need… rest. I’m tired.” She closed her eyes.

She took a last deep breath and then she just stopped. The silence that followed was ear deafening. Hux still held her warm hand and waited for her to draw another breath but she didn’t move. She just lay there, peaceful and pale.

Finn stroked through her hair, it was a tender, loving gesture. Dameron and Rey could be heard sniffling.

“I will go and tell the others,” said Dameron in a throaty voice.

Hux could hear footsteps recede. He noticed that he was still holding her hand. Again he had been but a stand-in for Ren, but this time the realisation lacked bitterness. This wasn’t about him, it was about Leia Organa - a woman who had shaped to Galaxy for decades. A legend.

It occurred to him what she had told him would most likely become true: She would be remembered as a larger-than-life hero.

Nobody would know that her last words were to her lost son, to her dead husband. And why should they? It was none of their business.

Hux let go of her hand and straightened his back. He turned to face Rey. Her eyes were moist but she was composed.

Finn wiped over his eyes when he joined them. “I need something to drink. Let’s head to the Cantina.”

Rey nodded and was about to say something when her eyes went wide. She stared at the Generals bed.

Finn and Hux turned on their heel and saw that it was empty.

“What the-” began Finn.

Rey cried and laughed at the same time. “She’s one with the Force.”

“They disappear into thin air?” asked Finn.

“Yes, all Jedi do.”

Hux stared at the empty bed. “I thought she wasn’t properly trained.”

“That’s what she told me too but I always thought she was very strong in the Force,” said Rey. “She wasn’t a Jedi, she was better than a Jedi - she believed in love until the end.”

A long time ago Hux would have scoffed. Told Master Rey that believing in love was a weakness. But never stop believing in the good of the people wasn’t a weakness, it was a strength - only strong people keep believing even after their own sons killed their fathers. Strong people could allow themselves to be vulnerable precisely because they were strong and fearless.

“Come on, Hux. I’ll bring you back to your cell,” said Finn. “Let’s meet up in the Cantina later, Rey. I’ll ask Rose to join us too.”


	22. Five Minutes

“Step inside,” said Finn as he stood at the console.

Hux did as told and moments later the force field was up and running again.

Finn turned to leave but then he changed his mind and approached the cell. “Why did you do it? Why do you even care? I thought you would be dancing on her grave.”

“You know why.”

“No, I don’t. I wouldn’t ask otherwise.”

The truth was Hux wasn’t sure himself. He said the first thing that came to mind. “Because she asked how I was doing, back when she started to interrogate me.”

Finn sighed. “She could do that, couldn’t she? Looking at people - I mean _really _looking at people and see them.”

“Can you imagine being Ren? Having all this and still running away?”

“No, not really. But then again… we don’t know each other’s pain. I mean… FN-2199 was my friend back in the Order. But he could never understand me, not really. After my defection I encountered him on the battlefield, he called me a traitor and tried to kill me.” Finn stepped closer to the cell. “I mean, I trusted him with my life for countless years and still… not an ounce of hesitation. For him I was a traitor, I left him after all. My motivations didn’t matter to him. And I guess his motivations didn’t matter to me.”

“You think it’s the same for Ren?”

“I don’t know. All I can say is that I don’t know his pain, but I know the pain he’s causing - and that’s all I care about.”

Hux chewed on his lower lip. “Do you know why I’m here? I mean, why I’m really here?”

Finn frowned. “There was another reason besides squeezing secrets out of you?”

“General Organa wanted me here so that she could pass on her compassion. She thought if the Resistance could see me as a human being and treat me accordingly, they would do the same to Ren after she had passed.”

“I didn’t know that.” Finn sat down on the chair. “I understand her reasoning, but we can’t go easy on Ren.”

“Of course not. But imagine that… having someone who loves you despite everything you have done.”

Finn licked his lips and leaned back. “I told Poe everything… the things I have done back in the Order. Even the things I was afraid to even think about. One evening we sat outside at the beach, he made a fire just for the two of us. And I told him, literally everything. I feel like I talked for about an hour without grasping breath because I was afraid that I couldn’t finish once I paused.”

“What did he say?”

Finn sniffled. “Well, he kissed me and told me that he loved me. And this feeling, that cold clammy blanket that sometimes covers one’s heart if one is really scared, it just vanished. I felt free.”

“Is it really gone?” asked Hux hopefully.

Finn sniffled again. “Yeah, well most of the times.”

Hux thought about the funny feeling in his stomach every time he saw Rose, how content he felt when she smiled at him. The silent satisfaction when they worked together. Then he remembered the panicked look she gave him when she had forgotten to lock him in, the scared look when he had been unshackled the first time and she had shocked him. His heart sank.

He would never have what Finn had. He hadn’t come here on his own free will, he was a prisoner.

“I’m tired,” Hux said in a low voice. “If you would excuse me.”

“Sure, I’m due in the Cantina anyway.” Finn got up and left.

That night Hux slept restless, waking up from strange dreams about his mother, General Organa and his father, occasionally dreaming about Rose and how she shrank back from him.

He felt exhausted when his chronometer beeped. Unamo brought him breakfast on time, he looked tired. General Organa’s death must have gotten to him too.

“Morning, Private Unamo.”

“Morning, Hux.”

He wanted to express his condolences but it felt inappropriate and so he just said: “Will Commander Dameron lead the Resistance now?”

“Rey and him will take up the mantle together, too big shoes to fill for just one person.”

“I see.”

Unamo left and Hux ate his breakfast. When the time drew near for his interrogation nobody showed up - he wasn’t surprised, they certainly had other things to care about now.

Finn and Unamo came to get him for his walk. They went to the lake, to their usual spot. Nobody talked, everybody was lost in their own thoughts.

Hux noticed two BY-droids hovering over the water. Only the children where at the beach, as well as their adult supervisor.

“That’s the droid you and Rose worked on yesterday, right?” asked Unamo and pointed at one of the BY-droids.

“Yes, they are lifeguards.”

Finn got up from the rock he had been sitting on and stepped closer to the cliff. He was about to say something when they saw Rey heading towards them.

“Good morning, Hux. I’m sorry that I missed our conversation - but I’m afraid I had more pressing matters to attend to,” she said.

“Of course,” said Hux.

“So, I won’t mince words; the exile government of Hosnian Prime has somehow gotten wind that we are holding you prisoner. They have demanded that we hand you over for trial. Up until now they haven’t made a move out of respect of General Organa… but now they demand that we extradite you.” She lifted her chin. “Commander Dameron and I have decided to comply.”

Hux felt a shiver run down his spine. Of course, it was only a matter of time until something like that would happen. His mouth felt dry, from the corner of his eye he saw the BY-droids hovering over the water.

“When will you hand me over?”

“In two days. Commander Dameron is preparing the transportation as we speak.”

Hux averted his gaze from the droids. “I see.” He had known of course that his stay here would end one way or another, after the last few days he had hoped- hoped for what exactly? That he could stay, work with Rose on projects like there was no war going on? Like he wasn’t a prisoner? Like he didn’t deserve to be punished for his deeds?

His thought returned to the BY-droids. The hidden commands were still functional, he could at least try to bolt. But where would he go? Certainly not back to the Order, and after learning the truth about the memory that wasn’t his, he wasn’t sure what he wanted in the Galaxy. 

All he wanted was to keep working with Rose, be close to her. That wasn’t possible, of course, he had been lucky to be allowed to be with her. There was little doubt in his mind that they would give him a life sentence or even a death sentence, and either way his life was over.

He pressed his lips together. The Rebels were certainly glad that they finally got rid of him, Dameron was without doubt already looking forward to deliver him to-

“You still up for that swimming lesson?” asked Finn suddenly.

Hux blinked in surprise. “Pardon?”

“You said that you wanted to learn how to swim. How about tomorrow?”

Hux stared at him. Finn had every excuse not to go through with it, it was wasted time for he was either incarcerated for the rest of his natural life or put to death. Did he want to humiliate him one last time? To see the infamous General Hux splash about like a skinny- then he saw the look on Finn’s face - there was no sneering, no scornful grin. He looked earnest.

“I- I don’t think that I will master it in one day,” replied Hux awkwardly.

“I would like to show you nonetheless.”

Hux felt a strange twinge in his chest. “Then I would gladly accept your offer.”

Finn nodded. “Alright then, same time tomorrow. Since we don’t have the luxury of swimwear I suggest that you bring a second pair of underwear and a towel.”

Hux felt heat crawl up his cheeks when he pictured himself standing in nothing but his underwear in public to see. He straightened his back and tried to will the colour in his face away. “I will.” Then he remembered the desperate look on LaVelle’s face when she had to watch helplessly when the children almost drowned. The horrified look on her face when- he didn’t finish the though. “I- perhaps we should invite Private LaVelle too. I recall that she wanted to learn how to swim too,” he added after a pause.

Unamo gaped at him. “Really? You wouldn’t mind that she- I mean, that’s right. She wanted to learn how to swim.”

“Can I join too?” asked Rey.

“Sure, why not,” said Finn. “Just meet me at the lake tomorrow.”

“Well, you look glum today,” said Rose.

Hux waited until Unamo had shackled him to the workbench and left before he spoke. “I’m being transferred to the exile government of Hosnian Prime to stand trial.”

She blanched. “What? When?”

“The day after tomorrow. Apparently General Organa was the only one standing in their way up until now.”

“Isn’t- isn’t there more intel you can give us?” She kneaded her hands. “Surely-”

“I’m afraid the decision has been made.” He attempted to rearrange his face into a neutral expression. “Everything ends one way or another.” He looked at her, her beautiful soft lips, her wonderful dark-brown eyes. ‘I love you’, he thought.

She looked like she wanted to say something, but in the end she just turned to face the CC-14. “Perhaps we can finish this today, then.” Her voice trembled a little. “I overclocked the QEs as we discussed.”

She looked back at him, and there was so much longing in her eyes that Hux’s throat almost laced up. For a few moments they just looked at each other, and finally Hux pulled himself together.

“And the latitude of the response? Is it within the parameters?”

Her eyes looked a little moist. “Yes, it’s fine.” She blinked. “Everything is fine.”

The hours in the Workshop were over too quickly. When Unamo came to collect him, Hux felt a small stab in his heart when he looked at her. She seemed miserable.

“See you tonight?” he asked in a low voice.

“There is a ceremony for General Organa, but- but I will come by later.”

Back in his cell he realised that he still had Organa’s books. He should give them back. As he thumbed through the pages one of the drawings fell out. He picked it up and looked at it. Even after the countless times he had looked at the drawings… it still felt nice.

He briefly wondered if the children would learn how to swim too. It certainly made sense. 

His thoughts returned to the trial. From a publicity standpoint it was of course important to show the Galaxy that there was still justice. A proper show trial would be good for whoever ran the exile government.

Perhaps the prosecution would hold a moving speech, tell the judge about the billions he had killed. Show pictures of the victims… Hux gulped. And he would sit there, forced to look into the faces of dead people as if he didn’t see them in his dreams.

The trial would drag on for weeks, they would call in witnesses to testify to his twisted morals, sobbing relatives who accused him of murder - the whole spiel. 

And they were right, of course. He had done it. And he had no intention of artificially prolonging the inevitable. He would plead guilty, so at least then they could proceed to the execution in a timely manner.

Would they broadcast the trial on the holonet? The thought of Rose listening to the accusations made him feel sick to his stomach. She already knew what he had done, but the thought of her realising the emotional impact of what he has done… she would be repulsed, disgusted that she let him touch her.

He felt an iron grip around his heart.

As fast as the hours with her went by, the longer time dragged on without her. He paced in his tiny cell, checking the chronometer again and again.

It was a relief when Unamo showed up with the dinner. At least it was some distraction from his dark thoughts.

“It’s bogweed pasta again,” said Unamo as he put the tray in the drawer. “It seems that the shipment with the food was delayed.”

“It’s alright, I’m not particularly hungry anyway.” Hux took the tray and sat down on the bed. He lifted the lid and started to pick in his food without any appetite.

“I get it, I was surprised as well how fast they moved.”

Hux shoved pasta in his mouth and chewed slowly.

Unamo lingered. “Thanks by the way - you know - for letting LaVelle join you. I think it will mean a lot to her… in a way.”

“No thanks needed. I just didn’t want to be the only one trying not to drown.”

“You don’t need to do that, you know.”

“What?”

“You don’t have to debase your kind acts.” Unamo sighed. “It was the same with the kids you saved. You shrugged it off, told us that you only did it because you couldn’t flee.”

Hux scoffed. “I’m not kind.”

“Sometimes you are.”

Hux didn’t know why Unamo was even going on about it. He certainly hadn’t forgotten about Starkiller. “It doesn’t matter, not really. Everything pales before-”

“I know, believe me, I know,” interrupted Unamo. “I lost so many friends during the war. And I know the kriffing smell of the battlefield all too well. The shit, the blood and the piss, mingled with the biting stench of thermal detonator, the rank taste of burned flesh. Worst of all is the ashed taste of hate on the tongue, like bile, it stucks in the throat.”

Unamo exhaled. “After a raid I once found a lone Stormtrooper hiding behind a fallen walker. I had buried my brother that day and I- I was so _angry_, so _hurt _that I killed him on the spot. He was unarmed. He had lost his helmet... and he looked so young, a boy, a scared boy, and I shot him because I wanted that someone paid for my pain.”

“I guess it didn’t help?”

“At the moment it did, it felt kriffing great. But guess what? It didn’t bring my brother back.”

Hux had stopped eating and waited for Unamo to continue.

“There is no great revenge I can inflict on the enemy, there is no grand gesture that will save the Galaxy. It’s the small stuff that really changes people. Look at you, for example. When you came here you were hostile, ready to kill the lot of us given the opportunity. But you changed because General Organa treated you like a sentient being and not like a monster.” Unamo gestured towards Hux. “There was no speech, no duel of the fates… there was just her being decent to you.”

“If all that is true, why am I still behind a force field?”

Unamo smiled. “Because we’re not stupid. There is less hate between us but you aren’t here because you wanted to. And we are about to hand you over.”

Hux pressed his lips together.

“I leave you be,” said Unamo and left.

Hux waited, getting more nervous the minute, unable to distract himself. Minutes turned into hours. Just before the lights were turned off the door opened and Rose stepped into the room. Her eyes were puffy and she seemed low-spirited.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi.” She pulled a tissue from one of her jumpsuit pockets and blew her nose. “Sorry, it’s just… the memorial was quite moving.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

She sniffled and sat down on the floor in front of the cell. “Thanks. Today was quite a shit day to be honest. I mean, General Organa is gone and-” she broke off. “It’s silly, I knew you wouldn’t stay here forever. I thought I could be a grown-up about this, but it turns out that I’m not good with this emotional stuff.”

Hux sat down on the floor of his cell, as close as possible to Rose. By the stars, he wanted to hug her, to kiss her. “Perhaps- perhaps it’s better this way.”

She wiped over her eyes. “What do you mean?”

He licked his lips. “You deserve more than a couple of minutes a day, and you certainly deserve someone more decent than me. Even if I stayed, what would we do? Exchange hastily kisses in some dark corner? We would get caught eventually and then you would be humiliated.”

“Do you really think they could say something to me that I already have thought myself?” She scoffed. “What, you think I’m some damsel in distress that needs to be rescued from herself?”

“Of course not, I- I just thought that we could pretend- pretend that we don’t care about each other.” He stammered. “Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt so much if we pretended-”

She gave him a sad smile. “I’m in love with you, you stupid dork. Make-believe won’t change that.”

For a moment it felt like his heart had stopped beating, everything slowed down. He looked her in her beautiful eyes, edging closer to the force field. A warm feeling bloomed in his chest, his heart started to pump faster. “I love you too, you insufferable know-it-all.”

She scooted closer. “I would like to touch you, run my fingertips over your cheekbones, kiss your neck, smell you scent, touch your beautiful hair.”

A shudder of lust ran down his spine. “I would like to kiss you on your temples, work my way down to your collarbone, caress your soft lips, run my hand over the rough fabric of your overall.”

Her smile changed into a seductive one. “Stars! Five minutes really aren’t enough.”

“Why don’t you lower that force field and we find out?” he asked in a low voice.

She grimaced. “I would have done that the minute I arrived, but I’m afraid that Unamo ratted us out. Poe said that I can’t do that anymore.”

Hux exhaled. “A pity.”

In this very moment the lights went out. Darkness surrounded them, the blueish force field was the only source of light.

After a few short moments his eyes had gotten used to the darkness and he could see her dimly in the dark blue light.

“Awww, Hux. You really know how to set a romantic date.”

“Indeed, the only thing lacking are the stars or the moon to complete our rendezvous,” he quipped.

“Imagine that, the two of us somewhere outside. Lying on some blanket in a field, complete with a bottle of wine and candles.” She chuckled. “You could whisper corny sweet nothings in my ear.”

“You want sweet-talk?” He smiled. “I love watching your pretty hand caress over the bolts of the CC-14.”

She snorted. “Stop.”

“And how you handle the hydro-spanner with a delicate but firm grip-”

She laughed. “You’re a dork.”

They looked at each other, Hux wasn’t sure but he thought he saw a glint in her eye. “Tell me again what you would like to do.”

He saw how she reached up to the zipper of her overall and pulled it a few centimetres down. He sat up straighter. “I would cup your cheek.”

She lifted her hand and caressed her own cheek. “Do go on.”

“I would kiss my way down from your mouth to your collarbone.” He watched how she closed her eyes and trailed her his narrative with her hand. “Then my hands would wander downwards to your hips, brushing over the coarse fabric of your overall.” Again her hands followed his words.

“I kiss you on your mouth and pull down the zipper of your overall.” She gave him a cocky smile as she pulled down the zipper in an antagonizing slow movement. His cock stirred and his breath became a little ragged.

“I cup your breasts and rub over your nipples.” Again she followed his words.

She continued to caress herself and said: “I would run my hand through your hair until I reach the nape of your neck, I would massage your scalp while kissing you.”

He hesitated for a short moment before he mirrored her words with gestures. It felt odd at first, touching oneself with such gentleness.

“I kiss you on your sharp cheekbones, then I nibble at your neck. I bury my face in your shoulder, your neck and inhale your scent.”

He closed his eyes and used his fingertips to brush over his neck, a shudder of lust overcame him.

“I reach under your shirt and brush over your ribcage, my hands reach around until they reach your spine. I trail your backbone down to your ass and rub over it.”

He followed her words as well as he could, he couldn’t reach the spine as she described but the words alone gave him goosebumps. His pants became tight. He hadn’t known that his hands were so soft, that his fingertips were so … tactile.

He opened his eyes and saw that she was still fondling her nipples, her mouth was hanging slightly open. The very sight made him hard.

“I open your zipper further. Then I reach inside your panties and start teasing your clit with one finger.” 

Her hand disappeared into her panties. She bit her lower lip. Watching her starting to pleasure herself was almost unbearable, his cock was aching for a touch but he pulled himself together and waited for her instruction.

“I unbutton your trousers slowly, then I reach inside your boxers and stroke your full length.” She was panting now, he could see her movement becoming faster. He also sped up his pace and after a short while she screwed her eyes shut and moaned silently. He came mere moments later with a low grunt.

She let herself fall on her back, her breath was ragged. “Kriffing hell, the greatest love of it all is to love oneself, isn’t it?”

He was still catching his breath but he laughed. “That’s one way to put it.” He got up and went to the sink to wash himself, he could hear how she zipped her overall back up.

“I’ll be back, just need to erase certain pictures from a certain droid.” She got up and left. 

He washed himself and changed his underwear.

Rose returned and sat on the chair. “I sure hope nobody reviews that footage.”

“It was more than five minutes, wasn’t it?”

She waved off. “I did what I could.” She inhaled. “It’s almost like I want to get caught. Odd, isn’t it? Why else would I take these risks?”

He shrugged. “You are a very open person, perhaps you don’t like keeping secrets?”

“Well, it’s not exactly a secret. I mean, they must have picked up that I’m visiting you quite often.”

Hux looked at her as good as it was possible in the dim light. How could she be so casual about it? Why wasn’t she mortified that she had fallen for _him_?

“What is it?”

He blinked in surprise. “What?”

“Sometimes you look… sad.”

He frowned. How could she see that? And in this light? He had thought that he looked rather impassive most of the time. He gulped. “It’s nothing.”

She just looked at him.

He changed the topic: “Finn will give a swimming lesson tomorrow morning, do you want to come too?”

“Really? That’s great!”

He got up and sat on his bed. “Actually I find it rather poignant. It’s a taste of a life I will never have. But I appreciate the sentiment, I really do.”

“Well, I will be there.”


	23. Memento

The next morning Master Rey appeared on time for the interrogation. Hux was mildly surprised.

“Tomorrow morning we’ll hand you over on Coruscant. Poe and Finn will bring you there with a shuttle.”

Hux pressed his lips together as fear overcame him. He had stared death countless times in the face without blinking but the feeling of dread has never left him.

“They promised a fair trial,” she added.

He stared at the mug of tea in his hand. “I know what I did. And I know how it will end.”

“Justice will be served.”

“Of course it will,” he retorted dryly.

She clasped her hands behind her back and stepped in front of the cell. “Are the Supreme Leader’s new Praetorian Guards Force users?”

“I don’t think so, he replaced them quite quickly and I haven’t heard about new Force users.”

“Is Ren still using Snoke’s throne room?”

“Yes, he likes holding audiences like Snoke did.”

She hesitated for a moment before she asked the next question. “Where in the Galaxy would you go if you could choose?”

Hux crooked an eyebrow. “If I could choose? I don’t know. The Order is everything I ever had. It was my home. And since I have been banished… I honestly don’t know.”

“Surely you got a planet you like?”

“I never saw much of the planets, I usually worked in some facility.”

Rey exhaled. “Alright then, it’s your turn.”

“Did you know Paige Tico?”

Now it was Rey’s turn to crook an eyebrow. “No, I didn’t. Not personally.”

“What kind of person was Luke Skywalker?”

“Stubborn, overly dramatic, sad, kind, compassionate, funny, wise.” Rey smiled a bit.

“That’s not what I expected,” admitted Hux.

“That’s it about galactic legends, isn’t it? We think they’re beyond human failings but in the end they still are people. Real people with hopes and fears.”

Hux kneaded his hands. “General Organa certainly lived up to her reputation.”

“She was the strongest woman I have ever met and I will probably ever meet. But I admit that I’m surprised that you would say that after witnessing her quest to save her son from beyond her grave. You seem much too unforgiving to me.”

“I used to be unforgiving,” he replied while still kneading his hands. “Still, despite my best efforts I was still weak, but when someone like General Organa could be so friendly with her enemy, so open-hearted with her own mistakes… perhaps I’m not so weak as I thought.”

“Perhaps what you call weakness is just being human.”

He grimaced. “I don’t think so. Deep inside I have no discipline, no drive and this is why I have to control myself, drive myself so that I accomplish whatever I set my mind to.” He realised that he was rambling and cleared his throat. “My apologies, it wasn’t my intention to bore you with introspection.”

“I’m not bored at all.”

Hux didn’t believe her, he decided to ask his last question. He opened his mouth, closed it again and steeled himself. It was an inappropriate question but he needed to hear it. “Did General Organa hate me?” He cleared his throat. “I mean she- she embraced me, she was kind, so very kind. It’s just that I can’t imagine that it wasn’t-”

“I don’t think that you hated you. It might be a stretch but I think there was something about you that made her project a happy memory into your mind. That’s not something one would do with a person one despises.” Rey leaned forward. “In my opinion she thought that you were lost, just like her son.”

Hux felt uneasy, there was a knot in his stomach.

Rey rubbed her temple. “It confused us when she asked after you in her last moments.”

“Her mind was clouded,” he replied. “You said so yourself.”

“Yes I did, but the more I think about it-” she broke off. “Sorry, it’s something I have to think about for a while by myself.”

Hux checked his chronometer. “I think we need to leave for the lake now.”

When Rey, Unamo and Hux arrived at the lake Rose, Finn and LaVelle were already there. Luckily they were alone on the beach; it seemed it was too early for the usual beach visitors. LaVelle lifted her chin and took a step towards Hux. “I’m glad that you’re better.” 

To his surprise he registered no undertones, no hidden jab at him being sent away. “Thank you.”

LaVelle looked like she wanted to say something else but then she just turned and went to Unamo.

He turned his head to look at Rose, she smiled at him and he felt embarrassed. He straightened his back and tried to suppress the uneasy feeling. She wouldn’t laugh, she wouldn’t.

Finn clapped in his hands. “Alright, let’s get started. First we’ll get in our state of the art swimming gear, then I’ll show you how to move your hands and legs properly. After that we’ll partner up and try to implement what we learned in the water. One holds the other around the waist while the other tries to swim.”

Rose and Unamo sat on towels and obviously wouldn’t participate - Hux felt a little disappointed, he had hoped that she would swim too. They started to undress until they all stood there in their underwear.

He noticed that Finn and Rey were both athletic, Finn was quite muscular and fit while Rey was almost as skinny as he was, but she was toned. Hux crossed his arms in front of his chest, painfully aware of his slender frame. No, no he wasn’t supposed to think that.

Finn stepped in front of them and showed them the arm and leg movements. “It looks easy but it takes a while to actually master it, so don’t worry if you can’t do it right away. That’s why we partner up, you can practice the movements while your buddy holds you.”

Hux hadn’t thought that there would be physical contact, now he definitely was sure that the swimming lesson had been a bad idea.

“Let’s give it a try. Rey, you and LaVelle can team up, I’ll help Hux.” Finn waded into the water until it reached up to his chest.

Rey beamed and almost ran into the water, sloshing around. LaVelle followed her with a tense expression on her face. Hux turned his attention to Finn who was waiting for him, he scanned his face for a sneer as he slowly made his way towards him. 

The water was cooler than Hux had expected, but soon he felt warm despite the early morning hour.

Finn held his arms out. “I know this is awkward but this is how Poe taught me to swim. Truth be told, he held my waist with both hands but I don’t think you would appreciate it. So just lay down on my arms.”

“What makes you think that?” Hux said in defiance.

“Come on, I was in the Order too - someone holding you and you can’t see them - that triggers every fight and flight reflex.”

Hux looked down on his arms and swallowed his pride. He let himself slowly down on Finn’s arms until he was in the water and tried to mimic the movements he had seen.

“Relax, you’re too tense,” said Finn.

Hux took a deep breath and did his best, but he couldn’t shake the strange feeling of physical contact on his stomach and his chest.

“Relax.”

“I’m trying,” he snapped. 

They practiced for a while, Hux could hear Rey and LaVelle laughing and splash around.

“That’s it, just like that,” said Finn. “Alright, I think we will call it a day.”

Hux stopped and stood back on his feet. He felt a tad disappointed but his arms and legs were getting heavy, he was also cold. He couldn’t help but feel unhappy at his lack of progress. It had been unrealistic but somehow he had hoped he would at least manage to swim a little bit without help.

They waded out of the water, followed by the BY-droids had had been hovering around the beach. He glanced over his shoulder, they were close, close enough for voice commands.

This was his final chance to stage his escape. On his word they would surround him with their shields, they could at least take a couple of blaster shots before they went down. He just needed to make it to the airfield… he just had to wait for Master Rey so leave and… his sight fell on Rose.

She smiled at him and handed him his towel. “That looked like a lot of fun, but you’re lips are all blue - why didn’t you come out earlier?”

The smile pierced his heart. If he fled she would know that he hadn’t been truthful when she asked him if she could trust him. Besides, what was the point? Without money and connections, without … her?

“Thank you,” he said and took the towel. He dried himself quickly and put his shirt back on. Then he realised that he had to change his underwear before he could put his pants on. The others were sitting on their towels, talking and laughing with each other. Nobody else was putting on clothes.

He sat down as well and decided to wait to see how the others would deal with this… predicament.

“... I swear you almost slapped your foot into my face,” said Rey with a laugh.

“No, I didn’t!” LaVelle feigned indignation.

“Sure looked like it from here,” added Unamo.

Hux continued to listen to them, so did Rose. From time to time he glanced at her, trying to memorize how beautiful she looked when she squinted into the sun, laughed at something Rey said.

“Well, I’m afraid we need to go back,” said Finn after a while. He got up, wrapped his towel around his hips and changed his underwear.

Rey and LaVelle wrapped their towels around their torso and did the same. Hux followed the example and quickly changed his underwear and put his pants on. Nobody talked to him, he didn’t mind… not really. The others would have countless days like these, learn how to swim while his corpse would most likely rot somewhere.

He gulped and looked at Rose from the corner of his eyes. If only he could hold her one more time. Feel her lips on hers.

Perhaps this evening.

Rose and he worked as usual on the CC-14. For a few hours he forgot about the next day, he lost himself into calculations and technical talk with her.

When Unamo appeared to take him to his cell he could feel that his heart became heavy. He looked at the workbench he had sat on and pressed his lips together. This was the last time he would work with Rose, and he had just let the time pass without thinking about it.

“See you later, Hux,” said Rose as they left. She sounded glum.

The next few hours were equally quick over; dinner came and just when he had finished Rose visited him. He opened his mouth to greet her when he saw that she wasn’t alone. Commander Dameron accompanied her.

“Good evening, Hugs.” He flashed his trademark grin.

“Evening, Commander Dameron,” he pressed out.

Dameron put his hands on his hips. “I’m usually not the killjoy but today I have to be.”

“What is this about?” asked Hux cautiously. Had they reviewed the footage?

“I’ll make this short. Recordings are missing. Quite a few I might add.”

Rose looked down on the floor. Hux could feel how all the colour drained from his face. She was ashamed. He felt an iron grip around his heart. “I see.”

The smile faded from Dameron’s face. “Surely you understand that we can’t take any risks, not now.”

Hux did his best to keep his cool, but he could feel his hands shaking. He clasped them behind his back. “Of course, Commander Dameron.”

Dameron clicked his tongue. “Stars, you’re cold. No matter, if it were anybody else they would be in the brig right now. But Rose is my friend, so I will make this one exception. I’ll give you fifteen minutes to say goodbye.” He turned to face Rose. “I’m sorry.”

Hux’s mouth was dry. Should he bargain? What if she just wanted to leave? He couldn’t make up his mind and watched Dameron disappear out of the door.

“I’m sorry,” Hux said.

Rose shook her head and looked up. “It’s not your fault. It was my idea. I was sloppy because I felt safe, I didn’t think that Poe would actually curtail our time together.” She wiped over her eyes. “He’s watching now.”

He felt a wave of relief wash through him. She didn’t abhor him. “Everything else would be unprofessional.”

“Indeed.”

They looked at each other, Hux gulped.

“I will miss you,” he said in a low voice.

She blinked. “I will miss you too. I really liked talking to you.”

‘I love you’ he thought. “Working with you has been a privilege.”

She smiled sadly. “Don’t you ever forget how brilliant you are.”

“Not as brilliant as you, Rose.”

“Shut up.” She stepped closer to the force field. “Contrary to what you may think, you are a highly intelligent, kind man. Promise me that you keep that in mind.”

He grimaced. “I’m afraid that’s not true. I did all these horrible things… I knew what I was doing and I still did it.”

“Yes, you did unspeakable things, but everybody deserves redemption. You are more than a murderer. You can be more.”

He blinked tears away. “I wished I was more but I’m not. I will stand trial and I will get my just punishment.”

“A trial isn’t about punishment, it’s about justice. It’s about rehabilitation. It’s about giving people a chance to better themselves.” She sniffled. “At least that’s what I believe. And I have to believe that the exile government of a core world still believes in their values.”

He stared at her. Did she really believe that? He smiled at her, of course she would. That’s why they’re handing him over, because they actually think that he would get a fair trial. “You’re too good for me.”

In this moment Dameron entered. “Alright, wrap it up - fifteen minutes are over.”

Hux jerked his head back to Rose. Words welled up inside him, he wanted to tell her how much he cherished her, how his heart ached at the prospect of never seeing her again, how he admired her sharp wit, her genius imagination- He gulped. His heart felt like his was shrivelling. ‘I love you’ he thought again. “Don’t forget to change the frequency of the CC-14 before you reset its core. It’s-”

“-highly unstable, I know.” Her eyes were wet now. “Good bye, Armitage.”

“Good bye, Rose.”

Time seemed to slow down as she turned and walked out of the door. Hux made an effort to keep his face straight until the doors had closed behind her. Then a single sob escaped his lips and he turned away from Dameron who was still standing just in front of the cell.

He could hear footsteps recede and the door open and close as tears ran down his face.

He could barely sleep, berating himself for letting Rose become exposed, analysing everything he had said to her from the start, how much time he had wasted because he hadn’t admitted that he had feelings for her.

If only he had seen it sooner.

With the crack of dawn Commander Dameron and Rey entered the room, Lieutenant Connix and Unamo were accompanying them.

Connix went to the console and lowered the force field. 

“Please step out and show us your hands,” said Unamo.

Hux did as he was told and Unamo handcuffed him. “There are still books and drawings in my cell, the books are from General Organa I assume you might want them, Master Rey,” Hux said.

“What about the drawings?” Rey asked. “Are you sure that you don’t want to take them with you as memento?”

He lifted his chin. “I won’t. I doubt that I will need them where I’m going.”

“Come on then, Hugs. The shuttle is waiting. You can eat breakfast once we’re in hyperspace.”

They led him out to the airfield, the sun was just rising. There was only a skeleton crew maintaining fighters. Nobody even looked at them.

Hux inhaled the fresh air, the smell of hot concrete was mixed with fuel and a tinge of spicy forest plants. Only the stars knew when he would next breathe unfiltered air.

The small group stopped at the shuttle.

“Good bye Hux,” said Unamo, he had an unusual serious expression on his face.

“Good bye, Private Unamo.”

Rey stepped forward. “Remember the connections that you made, nobody is truly alone.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, even if it’s not true. Everybody dies alone.”

“Let’s go, Hux. Finn is already waiting inside,” said Dameron.

Hux followed him inside and let him bind him into a seat in the back of the shuttle. Minutes later the shuttle took off, Hux leaned back and closed his eyes. He recalled the memory of Rose smiling at him. At least he still had that.


	24. 324

The hand-over at the Coruscant spaceport was unceremoniously and over quickly. To his surprise Finn patted his shoulder before the local police force took him away.

They led him straight to the court - a monumental building with golden statues right next to the planetary senate.

The Senior Officer - a bulky Twi’lek - brought him into a small cell and handed him a bundle of fresh brown clothes. “Put that on, your lawyer will be here momentarily.”

Before Hux could ask a question she was out of his cell. He inspected the clothes, dark brown pants and a brown shirt. He briefly thought about refusing to put on this- this prison garment. After a few moments of contemplating he obeyed.

About an hour later a small red-skinned Zabrak entered, he was wearing a dark-blue robe and barely glanced at Hux when he set up the holodisplay of the case. “Mr. Hux, I’m your lawyer - appointed by the court. I will be your barrister in your appearance unless you object.”

“I don’t object. Your name please.”

“Oh, I’m apologizes, you’re my fifth case today. I’m Kutok Meso. So, you have basically two options - either you plead guilty or you plead not guilty. When you-”

“What happens when I plead guilty?” asked Hux.

“The Judge will sentence you right away as per court regulation. If you plead not guilty we will set a date for the next hearing and there will be a proper trial.”

Hux thought about it for a short moment. He stood by his decision to deny them a spectacle. He was guilty and a Hosnian court was bound to sentence him to death. There was no need to prolong the inevitable.

His thought returned to Rose and he gulped. “I will plead guilty then.”

The Zabrak scrolled through his file. “Hm, that’s what I recommend too in lieu of the evidence. Shall I walk you through the possible sentences before you make a final decision?” He seemed tense but Hux didn’t know why.

“There is no need for that.”

Meso pushed his chair back and got up. He took a deep breath. “Well then, I will see if the Judge can squeeze your case in today. Unless you need more time to think about it?”

Hux shook his head. “No, the faster the better.”

The lawyer went to the exit and knocked against the door until it opened. “See you later then, Mr. Hux.”

True to Meso’s word Hux was led to a fully packed courtroom only hours later. He had expected himself to be excited, scared even but a calm resolve had taken hold of him.

His guards let him to a courtroom and Hux braced himself before they opened the door. Whatever expectation he had about his trial evaporated when he entered and saw two benches full of prisoners waiting for their hearing.

He was shoved onto a chair and given a number - 324. He looked around and tried to take in the surroundings, the courtroom itself was majestic. Golden pillars and light wood dominated the room. The judge sat high above them, his face was projected into the chamber below him.

“312,” said the bailiff.

A light-skinned human woman in the same clothes Hux was wearing stood up, so did a Mirialan wearing robes.

“How do you plead?” asked the Judge, an Ithorian in red robes.

“My client pleads guilty,” said the Mirialan.

“Very well. Vivi Galante, you’re guilty of involuntary manslaughter. I sentence you to five years in a correctional facility with the possibility of parole after two years. Next.”

The woman was led outside.

“313.”

Another prisoner and his lawyer rose.

Hux stared at the whole proceeding incredulously. This was it? This was the grand trial he thought he would get? How was this possible?

“How do you plead?”

“My client pleads not guilty.”

“Bailiff, arrange a date for the trial with the barrister. Next.”

“314.”

“How do you plead?”

“My client pleads guilty.”

“Nusc Le'kaar, you’re guilty of Twi’lek trafficking, raping and murdering 30 sentient beings. I sentence you to lifelong prison. Parole possible after 5 years.”

Hux scanned the room for his lawyer, but he didn’t see him.

They are sentencing him with fifteen other defendants? Didn’t they know what he had done? Was it a mistake?

He was so lost in his own thoughts that he almost missed his number. 

“324.”

He stood up and saw his lawyer standing further away from him. He didn’t look at him. Well, either way he would get the death sentence - there was no chance that this would play out differently.

“How do you plead?”

“My client pleads guilty.”

The judge nodded. “Armitage Hux, you’re guilty of-” he broke off and looked up from his datapad. Even on the holo Hux could see how his lips trembled. “You’re guilty of murder in over 40 billion cases.”

The other defendants jerked their heads around and a murmuring swept through the courtroom. Hux made an effort to stare right at the judge.

“I sentence you to- to lifelong prison.” The judge hesitated again. “Parole possible after 5 years.”

Hux gaped at him. What the-

“Next.”

Hux was literally dragged away by the guards. He was back in his cell before he had a chance to process his sentence. 

Luckily Meso joined him shortly after. “Mr. Hux, I usually don’t visit me clients after the sentencing but with you I’m making an exception.” He glared at him. “I’m a professional, I represent killers every other day because everybody has a right to a lawyer according to Hosnian law. Even someone like you.” He reached into his briefcase and took his datapad out, after a bit of typing he turned the display towards Hux. 

It was a holopicture of a family, Meso held a chubby toddler in his arms and a man waved into the camera. “Take a good look at my family, Mr. Hux. They are dead, killed by that monstrous weapon of yours.” He blinked tears away. “I was away on a conference in another system. You turned them into ash and-” he stopped himself. “I don’t know why I even bother.”

Hux couldn’t look away from the toddler. The girl was laughing, he could see that she had a tooth gape. He started to feel sick. He had known of course what he had done, but seen the faces of his victims was almost too much to bear. But still he couldn’t help but look at them.

“I’m aware that my apology is meaningless in the face of your loss,” Hux began slowly. “But I’m sorry.”

“You’re right, it’s meaningless,” hissed Meso. “My little girl is dead because of you, my sweet husband too. My whole life I believed that our justice system was just, it had its flaws but still - I felt that my work had purpose. But to see you getting a lifelong sentence with a chance of parole? That’s not justice.”

“It’s not,” agreed Hux. “I admit I thought that I would get the death sentence.”

That seemed caught Meso off guard. “What?”

“I thought that I would be executed,” repeated Hux.

Meso closed his eyes for a moment. “You didn’t know that Hosnian law has abolished the death sentence centuries ago?”

“No, I didn’t.”

He frowned. “Are you lying to me?”

“No, what would be the point? I suspect that you might have noticed my confusion in the courtroom.”

Meso seemed to think for a moment. “Yes, that’s true.”

Hux tore his eyes away from the toddler. “I don’t understand how I can get a chance of parole.”

“There is no law against planetary genocide in the Hosnian System, the judge had to sentence you according to the official penalties sanctioned by the Hosnian senate - for murder. And for the same reason you can’t get an accumulated sentence for every life you took.” Meso looked at the holo of his family and blinked.

Hux took a moment to take in the news, his life wasn’t over yet. There was a chance of parole. “Do I even have a chance of getting parole?”

“I honestly don’t know. It’s up to the board of the prison. If they deem you a danger to the public they can deny your appeal. Either way, a lifelong sentence is 25 years. So you will get out sooner or later.”

Hux sat down to process the information. 

“You can apply for parole via a lawyer, you can always ask for a duty solicitor,” Meso pressed out as he put the holo away.

“Thank you,” he said in a low voice.

“I hope you rot in the nether realm,” replied the lawyer and left.

Only a couple of hours later he was transferred to a shuttle together with other prisoners. Judging from the duration of the flight Hux assumed that they were still on Coruscant when they disembarked.

The prison was a gigantic complex in the middle of a city, it appeared white in the bright light of the sun. Long lines of prisoners were marching towards the main entrance, a dark steel door. 

Heavily armed guards and droids kept an eye on the new inmates. It was almost dark until Hux had received a set of new clothes and toiletry. He had to admire how efficiently everything was, a well oiled machine.

The prisoners were divided up in groups of eight and brought to a surveilled dorm room that reminded him of the First Order academy. 

A tall nautolan stepped in front of them. “Breakfast is at 7:00, after that you can either work or sign up for education courses or therapy, lunch is at 11:30, dinner at 18:00. All of you are here because of murder, so I recommend you find a way to busy yourselves… or it’s going to be a long time until your first chance on parole.” He looked each and every one in their eyes. “I won’t bore you with a long winded vulgar speech about what I think about you, I like to keep it short: If you don’t comply with the guards orders, if you cause _any _trouble or if you start a fight with other inmates your privileges will be revoked. That means isolation cell for at least two weeks.”

A well-oiled machine that doesn’t tolerate sand in its gears, Hux thought again. Aimed to form criminals into citizens - at least judging from the classes they apparently offered.

Well, he knew all about well-oiled fierce machines he thought with bitterness. We would be a useful clog like always, until the day he got out of this- this place between places. It felt like he wasn’t dead and not alive at the same time.

Perhaps this was after all a fitting punishment for his deeds. Unable to forget and move on, stuck in an endless loop of repeating chores. Day after day after day.


	25. At the Gates

Exactly seven years and three days later Hux stood again at the gates, collecting his meagre possessions consisting of the clothes he had worn while being held by the Resistance, and receiving a credit stick with hundred credits like every inmate that was released.

“Your parole will be revoked if you get as much as a speeding ticket,” reminded the guards all the prisoners that passed him. Again it was a long line that moved slowly out of the prison complex, the difference was the pale expression on the faces of the people.

Hux stared at the credit stick in his hand. At first he had thought he shouldn’t even try to get parole… but his prison therapist had suggested to try it. To move on. To his eternal surprise the parole board cleared him after the second try on the grounds that he was a model prisoner and that there was a low risk to reoffend.

Hux suspected it had to do with the defeat of the First Order a couple of years earlier. The public was absorbed with the next galactic crisis and the survivors of the Hosnian system hadn’t simply enough pull to make sure that all the First Order officers sentenced for life stayed in the vast prison system.

Or perhaps people had already forgotten about it, the slaughter of Duxun IV was the newest galactic atrocity dominating the headlines in the holonet.

The line moved towards the open gate, seeing the sky after so many years had an surreal quality. Had it always been this blue? Had the sun always been so bright?

Like so often his thoughts returned to the day on the beach. The water had felt so fresh, so cool, Rose had smiled at him. After the first two years the memory had almost started to feel like a dream.

He closed his eyes and summoned Rose’s face before his inner eye. He was certain that she had survived the war, it was impossible that a resourceful woman like her would die, he had told himself over and over again every time he sat in the prisons work shop and wielded metal plates for construction work together.

He opened his eyes again and moved closer to the gate. The first thing he would do once he got out was to go to a tea house and have a cup of Tarine tea. Then he would think about what to do next. He had received addresses for cheap apartments and potential employers from his parole officer. Perhaps find a job in one of the spaceports, they were known for hiring ex-cons. 

With a little money he could get a ride off this kriffing planet. Go to some backwater planet where nobody would recognize him. He brushed over his trimmed ginger beard, not that this was likely after all these years.

Finally it was his turn, they took the security bracelet off his thin wrist and a few steps later he was standing under the sun as a free man - at least until he violated his parole.

Sounds of cheering made him turn his head, some of the released prisoners were greeted by their families or their spouses. Hux looked at them and gulped. Well, he still had the tea to look forward to.

“Hi,” said a familiar voice.

Hux froze and slowly turned to the speaker. Rose was walking towards him. She smiled at him, her dark hair was being tousled by the wind. His breath faltered for a moment. She wore a dark-blue two-piece suit and was looking striking as always, the years had gone by and she seemed to be even more beautiful.

Only then he registered the small child standing next to her, the girl was about four years old. She had dark hair and wore a red jumper with a nexu on it. The girl stood behind Rose and peeked at Hux with curiosity in her eyes.

“Hi,” he said. His mouth felt dry.

“In the end I got the CC-14 running,” she said and petted the child’s head.

She was here. She had come for him. He couldn’t help but to smile. “How did you solve the problem with the chips?”

“I reset the QEs, it was tedious but at least it paid off.”

Hux looked at the child again. “And who are you?”

The girl hid behind Rose.

“Khela is a bit shy.”

“So I see,” he replied, the he hesitated for a moment before he continued to speak. “I never thought that I would see you again.”

“Neither did I to be honest. I thought about you after you left, a lot.” She blinked. “But the war was still going on, and the authorities refused to give me information about your whereabouts because of privacy laws.”

“You don’t have to explain,” said Hux with a pained smile. “You had a life to live. Obviously you found someone else.”

She shook her head. “Still, I really wanted to write you at least. To show you that you’re not alone.”

He could feel tears sting in his eyes. “I had my memories.”

She put her hand on his arm and squeezed his gently. “It’s been a long time but I want you to come to us.”

“You- you came to get me?”

“Of course, I called in all my favours from the war to learn when and where you would be released.” She reached down and took Khela in her arms. “Only if you want to of course. We live on Averam, it’s a two hour shuttle ride.”

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” He pressed his lips together. “You know that you don’t have to- to burden yourself with me.”

“You really think I would come all the way out here if I wasn’t sure?”

He blushed. Of course, how silly of him. Of course she knew what she was doing.

“Hey, I didn’t mean it like that. I would be glad to have you,” she said with a warm smile.

The very sight pierced his heart, and he could feel familiar warmth spread in his chest. “Then I will happily accept your invitation.”

“Come on then, I have prepared tea in my shuttle - it’s most certainly not up to your standards but it’s better than nothing.”

“Believe it or not, I might have lowered my tea standards a tad in the past years.”

The shuttle was a older model, Hux recognized right away that she had done quite a bit of tinkering on the engines. “Still overclocking the thrusters?”

She shrugged as she put Khela on the ground. “Sure, that gives me a little more power for take-off.”

Minutes later they were on a hyperlane, Khela had scurried away in the back of the ship with her plush nexu, they could hear her talk to it.

“She’s playing with her little zoo,” Rose explained as she activated the auto-pilot. She reached in a compartment and pulled a canister and two mugs out.

“I adopted her with my ex at the end of the war,” she said in a low voice. “Her parents were killed in the battle of Mygeeto.”

She poured the the in the mugs and handed Hux one.

He blew on the steaming tea. “I’m sorry to hear that. Did you know them?”

She sighed. “Yes, they were both part of the Resistance. We took care of her until the end of the war… after that Zes and I adopted her.”

He couldn’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy. It was silly of course, a woman like her had certainly many suitors. “I see. How are the children from back then? Kere and Imani? I mean they’re obviously not children anymore.”

“They stayed with us until the end of the war, then they went their own separate ways. Imani wanted to study astrophysics on Naboo, Kere wanted to see the Galaxy and took off with a freighter crew.”

“What about yourself and your- your partner?”

She gave him a small smile. “Zes has left about a year ago. It’s just me and Khela now. I design propulsion engines and am occasionally consultant with the Corellian shipyards. It’s nothing grand but it pays the bills and allows me to spend time with my daughter.”

“Does she know about her biological parents?”

“No, she’s too young for that. She barely understands the concept of death. As far as she’s concerned, I’m her mother. I will tell her when she’s old enough.”

Hux took a sip of his tea. It tasted heavenly.

Khela had fallen asleep when they landed by a small house just outside town. Rose grabbed a few heavy looking parcels and lowered the ramp. “Can I help?” asked Hux as she made her way out of the shuttle.

“Sure, take Khela.”

“Uh, I don’t want to wake her.”

“Don’t worry, kids her age sleep like rocks.”

Hux frowned. “Do you really want me to carry her?”

“Listen pal, my arms are about to fall off because of these parcels. Just take her so that we can get in and I can put the baggage into my office.”

He steeled himself and picked the sleeping child up. She was surprisingly light and warm. He pressed her against his chest and exited the shuttle.

Rose was already in front of the small two-floor house. It was painted in blue like most houses on the planet, adjacent to the house was a large garage with piled up crates. On the grass in front of the house was a small droid cutting the lawn, carefully driving around the countless toys lying in the grass.

“Identification: Rose.” A small droid eye in the middle of the door blinked and it opened. Rose hauled the parcels into a small kitchen right next to the entrance and groaned. “Damn it, I really need to fix that droid. My back!”

Hux followed her and scanned the kitchen with his eyes. There was a rectangle table made out of light wood, several chairs with white seat cushions stood around it. The kitchen was bright, the use of the light wood everywhere made it look friendly and airy - with other words it was completely different than the place he had spent the last seven years.

“Could you put her in her room? It’s upstairs on the left,” said Rose and started to unpack the parcels.

“Of course,” he said and went up the stairs, again he was baffled by the light wood everywhere, colourful paintings - clearly the work of Khela - hung on the walls right next to plants and flowers. A droid hovered towards the plants and poured a little water in.

He turned left and stepped into a room with a large plush animal that looked like a bear. He gently put the child on a bed with a deep red bedclothes. Khela mumbled something and turned around. 

Hux went back in the kitchen. Rose had finished unpacking the food and the spare parts that had been in the parcels.

“She really sleeps like a rock,” said Hux.

“She’s like a dilithium battery,” she said with a fond smile. “Or like an X-98 battery.”

He smiled a little. “Sounds about right.”

“Sit down, I’ll make some fresh tea for you.”

He sat down on the surprisingly comfortable chair and watched her busy herself with the caf machine and a tea egg.

He licked his lips. “It’s beautiful here, so quiet and… calm.” 

“Just wait until she wakes up.” She poured hot water into a mug and put the tea egg in, then she came over to the table with her caf and his tea.

“Thank you,” he said.

“I tried to get Tarine tea, but it’s hard to come by these days. I hope Balmorran Green Tea is alright too.”

He looked at her, her eyes still had the colour of dark honey. “It’s perfect.”

She sipped her caf. “Do you have plans now that you’re out of prison?”

“No, I just-” he stared into his tea. “I don’t know.”

She cleared her throat. “I could need help around here.”

He looked up in surprise.

“Erhm, I mean I’m quite busy with all these repairs and commissions. Just the other day some Corellian bigwig ordered an overhaul of his old-timer speeder.” She grinned. “It’s an T-16 Skyhopper. No chance of finding spare parts that old - I have to improvise.”

“A T-16! I didn’t even know that they still existed. 67er propulsion with AQ-chips?”

She nodded and took another sip of caf.

He thought about the possibilities, perhaps they even had to imitate the engine with modern parts, it would be a challenge to keep that characteristic roar of T-16 engines. “Fascinating.”

“Is that a yes?”

That derailed his train of thought. He chewed on his lower lip. “I- I would love to. But only if you’re comfortable with me working with you.”

“Of course. I had a feeling that you would accept, so I took the liberty to prepare a room for you upstairs.”

She- she wanted him in her house? “You would want me in the same house as your daughter?”

She put her hand on his arm, the very touch electrified him and took his breath away. “I know that you’re not a danger to her.”

He gulped. “But after what I did-”

“I came to get you because I know that you are more than that. You can be more.”

His throat laced up. He took a shaky breath. “I- I lied to you back then. When you asked if you could trust me. I hid a command in the guardian droids so that I could control them via voice command.” He had spoken fast, afraid that he wouldn’t be able to follow through.

“I know.”

“What?”

“About a year after you left we had to fix one of them, I discovered your commands.” She sighed. “Very clever, how you hid them in the very structure of the droid. I didn’t see it when I built them.”

“It was a spur of the moment thing,” he said with panic rising in his chest. “I just wanted to use them to get out of my cell.”

“I admit that I was angry at first, but then I realised that you never used them. Why not? Why didn’t you flee while you still could?”

He averted his gaze. “I don’t know. It never felt like the right time, and after General Organa told me the truth about my so-called memories… well, I didn’t know where to go.” He looked back at her. “Do you really want me to stay?”

“I do.” She got up. “Come on, I’ll show you your room.”

It was a rather small room with a bed and a cupboard out back. Hux could see large trees out of the window. The furniture was again made out of bright wood, everything looked… pure and calm. It gave Hux the odd feeling that he didn’t belong here, like he would spoil it. No, no he wasn’t supposed to think that. Making himself miserable wouldn’t bring the dead back…

“Feel yourself at home,” said Rose from behind him. “The kitchen droid is programmed with a variety of recipes. We usually eat dinner around 19:00 but of course you’re under no obligation to join us.”

He turned to face her. “I would like to pay for the food and the-”

She waved off. “Money isn’t an issue, we can talk about your salary tomorrow.”

“Salary?”

“Well, yeah. You’re not my slave - you work and so you get paid.” She leaned against the doorframe.

“I see, that’s reasonable.” He sat down on the bed.

She was just about to say something when they heard steps coming down the staircase. Rose glance over her shoulder. “I guess the dilithium battery is charged up again. If you’ll excuse me.”

She left and Hux got up and opened the window. Fresh air filled the room. He closed his eyes and inhaled the scent of freshly cut grass.


	26. Binomial Test

Hux appeared in the kitchen 19:00 sharp, Rose was putting plates on the table as the silver-grey household droid busied itself with cooking.

“Oh, come on in!” She smiled at him. “We’re eating Haysian stew, you want some too?”

“Yes, please.”

“Could you put the glasses on the table? They’re in the cupboard right behind you.”

He nodded and did as he was told. Khela ran into the kitchen and almost bumped into Hux. She frowned when she saw him. Then she went to the droid and stood on her toes to see what it was cooking.

Then she went to the table and climbed on one of the chairs. “I’m hungry.”

“Yeah, sweetie, I know,” said Rose and put a jug with water on the table. “Eight is almost finished with cooking.”

The girl started to play with a napkin. Hux sat down as well.

“What’s your name?” asked Khela.

“I’m Armitage, I'm going to work with Rose.” He made an effort to smile at her.

She giggled. “That’s a funny name.”

He smiled at her. “It is, isn’t it?”

Suddenly she jumped up and ran back upstairs only to rush back moments later with a plush kathhound which she put on the chair next to her. “I almost forgot Ms. Tooth,” she said in a serious voice. “She needs to eat too!”

“Of course, she has to,” said Hux. “we don’t want her to wither away, right?”

Eight had finished cooking and put a large pot on the table. Rose sat down as well and poured everybody water before she took each plate and ladled the stew on it.

They ate more or less in silence since Khela kept talking to Ms Tooth.

After dinner, she insisted that Hux came to her room so that she could introduce him to her ‘friends’, as she called them. She held up each and every plush animal and told him its name. After a while she grew tired of this game and she started to draw. 

He returned to the kitchen where Rose was reading something on a datapad, Eight had deactivated itself and stood in a corner.

When she heard him, she looked up. “Stars, didn’t know that you were good with kids.”

He sighed and sat down. “I used to head the Stormtrooper programme. I would rather not talk about it.”

“Oh.”

“Unless you want to, of course,” he shifted in his seat.

She put the datapad down on the table. “Caf or tea?”

“A cup of caf would be nice.”

She pushed her chair back and got up to activate the caf machine next to the freezer unit. “Is there something I should know? About the Stormtrooper programme.”

“We offered poor families money if they gave us their children, and sometimes we just took them. I told myself that it was better for them, being raised with a full belly, bringing order to the Galaxy. But it was a cheap excuse to get soldiers.”

She turned and put the cups of caf on the table. “Yeah, that’s what Finn told us too.”

“I- I didn’t want to talk about it because of Khela. Or rather because I don’t want you to rethink your offer.”

“As I already said, I don’t think that you’re a danger to her. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here.”

He took the caf. “Thank you… for everything.”

She stirred in her cup. “You’re welcome.” She took a gulp. “I need to put Khela in bed.”

“Of course.”

Rose left and Hux stayed back in the kitchen. He got up and looked out of the window at the setting sun. He watched the dusk settle in while slowly drinking his caf.

The next morning he woke up at 06:00, just like in the past seven years. He yawned and checked the chrono, the alarm was set to 07:00 but it seemed that he was still used to the daily routines from prison. No surprise there.

He got up and went into the bathroom where he took a shower. He grimaced when he realised that he had only two sets of clothes, both of them from his time as prisoner or defendant. He returned to his room and ordered clothes via the holonet.

About two hours later he heard footsteps and voices. He went into the kitchen and encountered Rose and Khela eating breakfast.

He joined them and drank quietly a cup of tea while listening to them.

Later Rose showed him her work place in the roomy garage. He noticed right away that it was small but had modern tech he had never seen before. But of course his knowledge was dated.

“I have some catching up to do,” he said as he admired the new holo display. “We only had ancient tech in prison.”

“Knowing you that won’t take long,” she said with a chuckle.

He rubbed his hands together. “I can’t wait to start working - I only hope that the past years haven’t numbed my brain. There was no real challenge...”

“Let’s get started then!” She lifted an small astro-droid on the table. “I got a couple of deliveries yesterday I have to sort out. You can check this astro-droid.”

“Another oldtimer from a Corellian bigwig?” asked Hux as he inspected the dated droid. It had quite a few scratches.

“Nope, that one is from my neighbor. I offered to fix it lest he won’t crash in my house the next time the little fella has a black-out.”

Hux took a hydro-spanner and opened the front panel. He was stunned when he saw the mess of cables and sloppily soldered circuits. “Stars! That’s a crime against tech!”

Rose laughed. “You should see his shuttle. Apparently he thinks he can fix things himself.”

He liked hearing her laughter again, it gave him a warm feeling. He smiled and began to disentangle the cables.

The following days were quite slow and thus pleasant. He even managed to sleep until 07:00 one time. When the new clothes finally arrived he felt surprisingly unburdened. Putting on the light grey pants and a white shirt made him feel liberated.

“I need to go to Coruscant for a business meeting,” Rose said one morning. “Usually I take Khela with me but perhaps it would be easier if you could watch her until I’m back.”

Hux almost choked on his tea. “Uh, yes, of course.”

She put her hand on his arm, the touch electrified him. He could feel his ears getting a little hot. She looked at him, and for a moment they both just stared at each other.

Then she cleared her throat. “Great, I’ll back in the afternoon.” She gave Khela a kiss on the crown of her head. “Later, honey.”

“Bye mommy!”

Hux slowly sipped his tea and watched Rose leave. He hadn’t thought that she would trust him to be alone with the girl. He turned his attention on Khela. She was a very lively child, judging from her imagination and the elaborate ‘adventures’ her toys had she was also quite bright.

She would have been a good candidate for the Stormt- no, no he wouldn’t even think that. Hux shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Old habits were hard to get rid of. He cleared his throat. “Go play in your room. I’m in the garage if you need me.”

“Okay.” She jumped up and ran upstairs.

Hux went into the garage and started to work on the astro-mech droid. About an hour later he heard footsteps coming closer, moment later Khela appeared in the doorframe to the garage. She was holding Ms. Tooth. “What are you doing?”

“I’m fixing this droid,” said Hux as he pulled the motherboard out of the socket.

“What is that?” she asked and stepped next to him.

“That’s a motherboard, it’s like the brain of the droid.”

“And what is this?” she asked and pointed at the pile of burnt out chips Hux had pulled out of the motherboard.

“NX-chips, they help the droid think.”

She gaped at them. “Can I touch them?”

“Sure.”

She grabbed a couple of them and sat down on the floor to have a closer look at them. After a while she started to play with them.

12:00 sharp Hux’s chrono beeped. He put the scanner down on the workbench and said. “It’s time for lunch.”

Khela jumped up and ran into the house. Hux frowned, she seemed to be hungry.

He followed her and activated Eight, the droid started to prepare the food while Hux put the plates and the glasses on the table. Khela already sat at the table, singing a song to her plush animal.

“You have to eat too, Ms. Tooth - or you will wither away,” she suddenly said. 

Hux couldn’t help but to smile, hearing her using his words.

When he put the cutlery on the table he noticed that she was rubbing her hands together as if she was cold. He took her hand and realised that she was cold - now that he thought about it she had been sitting quite a time on the cold floor playing with the chips.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you’re cold?”

“I’m not cold.”

Hm, he needed to read up on childcare, Hux thought. He didn’t like being unprepared. Back in the Order the care unit had been tasked to look after the children’s physical wellbeing. He frowned when his thoughts again returned to the Stormtrooper programme.

Eight put the soup and the freshly baked bread on the table and deactivated itself. They ate and after that Hux checked the weather forecast for the rest of the day - it would rain and the temperature would be 14,5 °C. He had seen that Rose was keeping jumpers and jackets in one of the cupboard at the entrance. He got up and grabbed a yellow jumper from the pile of clothes in the cupboard.

To his surprise she let him put the jumper on without resistance before they returned to the garage for the remainder of the afternoon.

When Rose returned she found them both next to a pile of chips. Hux had hid a fresh NX-chip in a pile of burnt chips so that Khela could shift through them.

She beamed and held up a blackish burnt out chip.

“See that colour? This one is burnt out.”

She giggled and held up another burnt out chip. Hux sighed.

Rose chuckled. “I think she has to work on her engineering skills before she can help us.”

Hux turned around. “Hey, how did the meeting go?”

She rubbed her temples. “Boring, they just wanted to go through my offer again. How were things on your end?”

He smiled. “The astro-mech droid is still a mess.”

“I helped with the repairs!” exclaimed Khela.

“That’s great, honey,” said Rose. Then she looked at Hux and gave him a smile. “Thanks for looking after her. She’s always so bored when she has to fly in the shuttle.”

He returned the smile. “ No problem.” He wasn’t sure but the way she looked at him… there was something in her beautiful dark eyes that reminded him of past times.

After Khela was in bed they sat out front of the house, drinking a glass of Corellian Whiskey on the porch while watching the rain fall.

The sound of heavy raindrops falling on leaves had an oddly calming effect. The smell reminded him of the forest at the Rebel Base. 

Rose lifted her glass to her nose, the ice cubes in it clinked together as she smelled it. “It’s odd, I rather like the smell of whiskey… much more than the taste of it.”

He chuckled. “If you just want to smell it, you didn’t need to bring out the good stuff.”

“Maybe, I just thought that you might like whiskey.”

“And why is that?”

“Don’t know, perhaps because of the tea? General Organa used to drink tea a lot but she was quite partial to whiskey too.”

He took a gulp. “The whiskey is first-class, she would have liked it.”

They stared out in the rain.

Rose put the glass down, she hadn’t even touched it. She put her hand on his and looked him in the eye. Slowly she took his hand and lifted it up to her face, then she put it on her cheek, caressing the back of his hand. 

He cupped her cheek properly and stroked it softly with his thumb. He leaned in and kissed her, her lips were just as soft as he remembered. She reached up and ran her hand through his hair.

They broke the kiss and embraced each other. Hux felt the need to feel her close to him, wanted to verify his memories, wanted to make sure it wasn’t a dream.

“So soft,” she whispered, “your hair is still soft.”

“Stars, I missed you, Rose.”

“I missed you too. Then I met Zes and I-” she broke off. “I thought of you, from time to time I tried to find out where they were keeping you.”

He let go of her. “You- you don’t have to say it back. I understand-”

“I need to say it. I need to say it for the both of us.” She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “Seeing you again was… it had an unexpected effect on me. Even after all these years… from the moment I saw you standing there in the sunlight I wanted to touch you, wanted to caress you. And I wanted to be touched by you.” She looked out in the rain. “But I want you to know that you don’t have to be with me if you don’t want to.”

“Of course I want to be with you,” he said and took her hand. He kissed the palm of her hand.

“It feels wrong because at the moment you depend on me - I just want to make clear that you don’t have to-”

“I want to be with you. More than anything.”

A smile spread on her face. “Are you sure? I’m like the super-conductive gel - once you get stuck with me you have no chance of getting rid of me.”

He chuckled and gave her a soft peck on her wrist. “I’ll gladly be your 45er-PQ-subprocessor.”

She leaned forward and kissed him. “Didn’t know that you’re a romantic.”

“Always.”

They went back inside, she was looking over her shoulder to make sure that he was following her. As soon as they were in her bedroom, he started to nibble at her neck, brushing her hair aside to leave a trail of pecks up to her earlobe.

She turned quickly around and gave him a mischievous smile. Slowly she unbuttoned his shirt until it was completely open. She kissed his chest and let her hands roam over his back, he felt a shiver of lust travelling down his spine. He leaned down to kiss her again.

She caught his lips with hers and pulled him down to her, before gently steering him towards the bed.

Her warmth, her lips and the look in her eyes made him stiff and couldn’t help but to pull her closer to him, feeling her brushing against his cock almost took his breath away.

“Rose-”

He forgot whatever he wanted to say the moment when she cupped his bulge with her left hand.

She caressed it and looked him in the eye, with her mouth being agape. The very sight almost drove him over the edge. He grabbed her by her ass and lifted her up; she wrapped her legs around his waist as he put her down on the bed.

With trembling hands he opened her belt and pulled her trousers down. She striped her shirt and helped him pull her panties down.

It took all his willpower to slow down to admire her glistening folds, running the tip of his finger over her labias. She bit her lower lips and when he teased her pussy with the finger she moaned. Without warning he pushed his index finger in. The surprised look on her face changed into a very lustful one.

His pants felt very thigh now. He was panting just from looking at her enjoying his ministrations. He crooked his finger and started to move.

“Kriff!” she groaned and arched her back.

He added another finger and rubbed her clit with his left thumb as he continued to pump inside her.

“I’m close,” she panted. “Come on! Come in!”

He didn’t bother to undress, he only pulled his pants down to free his throbbing cock. She reached down and grabbed it, sliding up its length for a couple of times. Then she pressed its head against her wet pussy.

With a single thrust he entered her. Both gasped.

They stared each other in the eye, everything was still at this very moment, she grabbed him by his neck and pulled him down for a very tender kiss.

Then the quiet moment was over and he started to thrust, she was so hot and tight and it took merely moments before he came. They both moaned when he shot his hot cum inside her.

He collapsed on her, kissing her sweaty brow and they both came down.

Finally he pulled out and let himself fall on his back.

They both lay next to each other, breath still ragged.

“Kriff,” she said.

“Kriff indeed,” he retorted.

She leaned over and gave him a kiss. “I love you, you know that?”

He blinked. “I- I love you too.”

She lay back and stared up at the ceiling. “Hm, that was easier than I thought. Saying it, I mean.”

“I have thought it many times to be honest,” he said as he wiped over his eyes. “I was never brave enough to actually say it.”

“I get it, I’m not very good with that emotional stuff.”

“You don’t say.”

“Hey, you don’t get to mock me,” she laughed and mussed up his hair. “You’re no better than me.”

He playfully fought her off. “Alright, alright.”

She cleared her throat. “My protection is still good for a couple of months by the way.”

He felt heat crawl up his cheeks. “Uh, well… I made sure many years ago that I can’t procreate.”

She cupped his cheek and brushed over it with her thumb. “Because of the Order?”

He leaned into her hand, her very touch made him content. “Partly, but mostly because of my father. I- I guess I just wanted to make sure that-” he broke off. “It’s better this way.”

Her hand wandered up to his hair and she started to massage his scalp. “I never thought I was cut out to be a parent either. I mean, I can barely take care of myself - how am I supposed to raise a child.”

“But you adopted Khela.”

“Yeah, I did. And I’m not entirely sure that I won’t fail her… but she had no-one and it already felt like she was my daughter back when we were still with the Resistance. The way she looked at me, with these adorable big eyes and her open smile.”

“I’m certain that you won’t fail her,” he propped up on his elbow and gave her a kiss.

She laughed. “You can’t know that.”

“Sure I can,” he said with a grin. “I have observed you long enough.”

“I question your scientific method. Such a sort time widow can’t possibly be conclusive.”

“Oh, I’ll gather empirical evidence as well. I plan to write an exhausting report on it.”

“With a chi-squared test I hope?”

“With a binomial test too,” he whispered in her ear. “Otherwise, where would the fun be without that?”

She pushed in into the mattress and sat on him, holding his wrists above his head. “I love it when you talk statistics.”

He looked at her, sitting high above him. Her beautiful full breasts framed by her dark hair, her eyes sparkling roguish, her lips still a little blushed from all the kisses. This, this was bliss.


	27. Epilogue: Sabacc

It had been snowing in the past days, the blanket of white became thicker and thicker by the minute. Hux glanced out of the window. Perhaps he should make sure that the maintenance droid was functioning properly. He looked down on the bread before him. He was busing himself in the kitchen, he was smearing sandwiches for Khela as she was insisting that they tasted better if he made them. He had in vain tried to argue that there was no empirical data to support her idea but she insisted.

“Khela!” he yelled. “The snacks are almost ready.”

“Coming!” she yelled from upstairs.

He heard a ship fly over the house and frowned. Didn’t they know that the approach flight path was from the other side? To his surprise he saw the ship - an XS stock light freighter - land in front of the house. The ship almost disappeared in the cloud of snow it swirled up.

Perhaps clients who didn’t know that Rose was away on a conference?

He sighed. He didn’t like talking to strangers, ever since he had shaved his beard off on Rose’s request he felt like was too easy to recognize. Not that anybody had as much as looked at him when he had been in the city in the past months.

He took another slice of bread and continued to started to smear jam on it. He saw from the corner of his eye two dark figures marching over the lawn towards the house. The snow was falling slowly, making it hard to see their faces.

Hux froze when the visitors tried to open the door without ringing first. His mind started to work fast and he grabbed a knife from one drawer, putting it up his sleeve. Even without a scabbard it would hold until he needed it. And in close quarters he was quite deadly with a blade. “Khela! I misspoke, the snacks aren’t ready yet.”

“Okay.” Judging from her tone she was distracted, probably still busy playing.

He straightened his back and went to the door. He steadied himself and opened. Whatever he had expected, it hadn’t been Commander Dameron and Finn standing less than ten centimetres away from the entrance. Their eyes went wide in surprise and before either of them could speak Dameron had grabbed him by his lapels and threw him against the wall. The air was knocked out of Hux, but he didn’t lose his focus. He punched Dameron into his lowest rip, as expected he let go and Hux used the distraction to step behind him and grab him by his chin from behind. At the same moment he let the knife slid into his hand and held the blade against Dameron’s exposed throat, piercing his skin slightly.

When he looked up he saw that Finn had already drawn a blaster. “Let him go or I’ll shoot your head off.”

“If I wanted him dead I would’ve slit his throat by now,” snarled Hux.

“Down with the knife!” yelled Finn.

Hux grimaced and let Dameron go; the knife fell on the floor with a loud thud.

“Down on your knees and hands behind your head,” said Finn as Dameron brushed over his throat, panting.

Hux did as he was told.

“Where is Rose? And where is the kid?”

Before Hux could answer, he heard footsteps running down the stairs. Judging from the sounds, Khela stopped abruptly when she saw Hux kneeling and Finn pointing a blaster at him.

“Khela! Come here!” said Dameron with an relieved expression on his face.

Hux glanced over his shoulder. Khela was holding Ms. Tooth close to her chest and looked scared. “Everything is alright,” he said. “We- we’re just playing a game. You don’t have to scared.”

She sniffled. “A game? But I thought we’re eating snacks now.”

“Yes, yes of course. The- the sandwiches are in the kitchen,” said Hux and with a last look to Finn and Dameron who both stared at the scene wide-eyed he lowered his hands and got up.

They all went into the kitchen, Hux didn’t like having the two men in his back but he couldn’t concern himself with them now.

He went to the counter and took the plate with the sandwiched on it, he put it on the table as Khela sat down. She still looked frightened and was holding on to her plush animal.

Hux knelt down next to her. “I thought Ms. Tooth is hungry.”

“Her tummy aches.”

“How about a cup of tea then? Would she like the strawberry one with sugar or the herbal tea with honey?”

“Berry.”

“Alright then,” he went over to the counter and prepared everything for the tea. He pressed his lips together and turned to face Dameron and Finn. “Tea or caf?”

They both glared at him, but they both said “caf” unisono.

Hux brought three cups to the table. They sat in icy silence as Khela drank her tea and ate her sandwiched. She was unusually quiet too. After she had finished she grabbed Ms. Tooth and went back upstairs.

“So Rose invited you here?” asked Finn in an attempt to break the ice.

“Yes, she did.”

“Is this why the door droid didn’t recognize us?” Dameron scoffed. “Where is she?”

“We updated the software. She ia at a conference on Malachor III. Not that’s any of your business.”

“That’s rich! Coming-”

Finn put his hand on Dameron’s arm. “It seems this has been a misunderstanding, what my husband is saying is that he’s sorry that he attacked you.”

Hux shifted in his seat. “I apologize for threatening you with a knife,” he pressed out.

Finn took a sip of caf and shred his parka. “How long have you been here, Hux?”

“About six months.” Hux didn’t like to be questioned like that. On the other hand it was understandable that the former Resistance fighters were distrustful of him. He sighed. “Right after I came out of prison if you must know.”

“Have you learned how to swim?” asked Finn.

That question took him by surprise. “Yes, yes I have. Back in the summer- well, it doesn’t matter. Not really.”

Dameron crossed his arms and stared at his caf. Hux realised that she obviously didn’t tell them about him. Perhaps- perhaps she was ashamed?

“I guess you two have been working together?” asked Finn in a somewhat friendly voice.

“Indeed, she said that she needed help with her projects, and I agreed to help her.” He eyed Dameron. “And I help her to look after Khela obviously.”

Dameron sighed and his stern expression softened. “Look, Hugs… I mean Hux. I know that I overreacted, but I was just worried. I’m sorry, okay?”

“Apology accepted,” retorted Hux stiffly. “I apologize again for grazing your external carotid artery.”

Dameron blanched. “You really know anatomy, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

Dameron touched his throat again. “Apology accepted.”

“When will Rose be returning?” Finn gulped down the rest of the caf.

“18:35 according to her flight plan.”

Dameron was still holding his throat. “Then we’ll wait. We wanted to drop by to see how she was doing - and I still intend to do that.”

Hux scoffed. “I take it you want to talk some sense into her for letting me into her house?” He shrugged. “I already questioned her common sense when she offered it to me.”

“You did?” asked Finn. He leaned back. “Why would you?”

“Really? Because she will face scrutiny if she harbours a mass-murderer of course. I planned to disappear on some Outer Rim planet before she offered me to stay.” He pressed his lips in a thin line. “Despite what you think of me… I don’t want her to suffer because of me.”

“I suggest we postpone until Rose gets here,” said Finn. “I don’t feel comfortable to talk about her decisions when she’s not here.”

“Judging from the way you tried to barge in you are familiar with the house?” asked Hux.

“Yeah, we’ve been here a couple of times,” said Dameron.

“Well, I have work to do and since I think that neither of us is keen on two hours of tense small-talk I’ll retreat into the garage.” Hux pushed his chair back and got up.

Finn sighed. “Alright then.”

Hux was on his way to the garage when he noticed Khela sitting on the topmost flight of stairs. Had she listened in? Hux gulped. How much did she understand? The thought of her being scared of him made his heart heavy..

He cleared his throat. “There you are. Would you like to help me with repairs?”

To his relief she smiled at him. “Can Ms. Tooth come too?”

He exhaled. “Of course, you both can help me.”

He glanced again at Dameron and Finn sitting at the kitchen table before he got a jumper out of the cupboard and helped her in.

“Are we going to fix the UR-thingy?” she asked as she wiggled her way into the sleeves of the jumper.

“The UR-navigation system you mean? No, we already finished that yesterday. Today we work on memory chips.”

“Can I look for the burnt ones?”

“Sure.”

18:32 they heard the familiar sound of Rose’s overclocked thrusters. Khela looked up and grabbed Ms. Tooth and pressed her to her chest.

Hux smiled at her. “Hear that revving sound when the thrusters fire? That’s Rose’s ship. You don’t have to worry.”

“Okay.” She did sound convinced.

“Come on, we’ll greet her together.” He lifted her up from her kid’s corner, she was still holding Ms. Tooth when they exited the garage and went into the kitchen.

Dameron and Finn were still there drinking what appeared another cup of caf and talking silently to each other.

Hux put Khela down and activated Eight so that the droid could start with preparing dinner. After a short moment of hesitation Hux ordered the droid to cook for four adults and a minor. He lingered in front of the droid, playing for time.

Soon she would come in, without doubt she had already seen the the ship outside and knew that they had company. If he stood back in the kitchen she didn’t have to greet him with a kiss like she usually did. She could pretend that they were just business partners.

The door opened and Rose stepped in, she had an unusually serious expression on her face and her eyes went wide when she saw all of them in the kitchen in what seemed like a friendly atmosphere.

Khela ran towards her and Rose lifted her up and gave her a peck on the cheek. “Hello, my little battery!”

“Hi mommy!”

“Hi Rose,” said Dameron with his trademark grin. 

“We made ourselves comfortable, I hope you don’t mind,” added Finn.

Hux wanted to greet her too, but he wasn’t sure what to say or how to react. 

Rose put her briefcase down and opened her parka. She smiled. “Hi guys! Long time no see.”

She Dameron got up and hugged her, so did Finn. Khela giggled because she was embraced too while sitting on Rose’s arm. Hux stood next to Eight and observed the scene at the table, there was a knot forming in his stomach as he waited what would happen next.

Rose put Khela down and came over to him, she tiptoed and gave him a peck on his mouth. “Hi.”

“Hi,” he said, his heart beating faster.

She turned around to face her guests and put a hand on her hip. “Are you staying for dinner?”

If either of them was shocked they didn’t show it. Finn nodded. “Gladly, but only if we’re not imposing.”

“I have already programmed Eight to cook for all of us,” said Hux in a quiet voice.

“Then it’s settled.” Rose started to put plates on the table, after a moment of hesitation Hux helped her with the cutlery.

During dinner Hux managed to relax a bit. Rose and Dameron spoke about various topics, mostly about his and Finn’s transport business that led them through half the Galaxy. Hux listened but didn’t participate in the talk, he felt that it would be inappropriate.

After she had Khela tucked in Rose sat down with a sigh. “So, do you guys want to talk about the bantha in the room or shall we pretend it isn’t there?”

Hux pressed his lips to a thin line.

Dameron leaned forward and put his elbows on the table. “Alright then. I’ll start by admitting that I grabbed Hux and pushed him into a wall the moment I saw him. Thought you should know.”

“We were startled to say the least,” added Finn. “We were in the system and wanted to drop by. When he opened the door… well, I guess old habits die hard.”

Rose threw her hands up in the air. “The first thing you did was to attack Armitage? Why? You knew that he was out of prison, didn’t you?”

“You act like he’s- like he isn’t dangerous,” said Dameron, he clearly attempted to stay calm. “You didn’t see how fast he is with a knife. Stars, he could’ve slit my throat in the blink of an eye.”

“But I didn’t,” interjected Hux.

“It was a misunderstanding,” said Finn and crossed his arms. “And we calmed down after Khela-”

“She saw?” hissed Rose. “You attacked Armitage in front of my kid? Are you out of your kriffing mind?”

Hux put his hand on hers. “She didn’t see… not really. She came down after they had subdued me. We told her that it was a game.”

Rose exhaled and wiped over her face. 

Dameron licked his lips. “We didn’t know, okay. You could have given us a heads up or something.”

“Really? You expect me to inform you about my life choices like I’m some little girl asking for permission? It’s none of your business who I am with.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Dameron leaned back. “I know that I made mistakes in the past, and I know that can be a controlling jerk. But it’s a little unfair, don’t you think?”

“Unfair?”

“When you asked me to find out when Hux is going to be released you could have mentioned that you intended to invite him here. Stars, I almost had an heart attack when I saw him standing there.”

Rose scoffed. “I thought you wouldn’t help me if I told you.”

“Wait, why would you think that?” asked Finn.

“Because I know Poe, okay? He still thinks he needs to make up for Paige.” She faced Dameron. “That’s why you continue to check up on me, don’t you? Because you still feel guilty for that mission.”

Dameron gulped and blinked. “It was my plan that got her killed.”

Rose smiled sadly. “She knew what the risks were, we all did. But she chose to follow you. I told you many times and tell you again: it’s not your fault.”

Dameron blinked again and looked at Hux. “It’s just… I know. I know that I can’t control everything. But it doesn’t feel that way. And you- you are with _him_. He was in command of the fighters that shot her down. By the stars, he razed worlds and you still-” he interrupted himself.

Finn stroked his back. “Poe, I was part of it too.”

“That’s not the same.”

“For you it isn’t. But what about the victims of the Order? Do you really think they care?”

Rose got up. “How about some more caf or tea? I feel like we are going to be here for a while.”

“I’ll help you,” said Dameron and got up too as Rose went over to the counter.

Finn and Hux stayed back at the table.

“You were awfully quiet,” said Finn.

Hux shrugged. “There is nothing I can add.” He thought about his words for a moment. “Except that I’m aware that Rose is out of my league. But when she asked me if I wanted to stay I just couldn’t say no.”

Finn didn’t say anything.

“I think we both know what it means, us being together. What people will think about her choice to be with me. And I know she would be better off without me, but still I couldn’t leave. I love her and I’m too selfish to leave.”

In this moment Rose put a mug of tea in front of him. “If you’re selfish then I’m too.” She sat down. “I took Khela in and at one point she will learn about her biological parents, and she is bound to learn about you. But we can only live in the moment and I won’t sacrifice my happiness for something that might be a problem in five years.”

Dameron put mugs with caf on the table. “I get it. I’m the first to tell you to follow your heart and everything-”

“But?” asked Rose.

“No but. I learned my lesson. You know what you are doing. Stars, my family wasn’t exactly thrilled to learn that I hooked up with an ex-Stormtrooper and Finn was right-”

“I’m always right.”

“-was right; who am I to judge?”

“Somehow I get the feeling that you’re still not happy about us,” said Rose with a crooked eyebrow.

“I don’t have to be happy, you have to be happy. What I mean is that I respect your choice - that’s all.”

They all fell silent for a moment.

Hux took his tea egg out and stirred in his mug. Finn added two sweetener to his caf. Rose chewed on her lower lip. Poe looked at them. “How about a round of Sabacc?”

“Really?” asked Hux.

“What? What else is there to do after an awkward conversation?” He slammed his hand on the table. “Rose, a deck please and do you still have this cheap booze from last time?”

“Ah, why not?” sighed Finn. “Might as well do it.”

“You are aware that Armitage counts cards, right?” said Rose. “Drives me almost mad when we’re playing _Bo_ with Khela.”

“That’s what the booze is for, duh!” Dameron threw his hands in the air. “Going by the past years we will celebrate Lifeday together, might as well start with embarrassing drunk fights right now.”

“That’s quite a turnaround,” remarked Hux dryly.

Dameron grinned. “Drinking and gambling is my go-to move when I’m faced with serious talk. You will learn that soon enough, Armie.”

“I’m starting to miss the time when you tried to strangle me with your bare hands,” said Hux with a crooked eyebrow.

“Yeah, yeah - Rose, the cards please.”


	28. Epilogue: Calando

The deep rumbling shook everything and when a red beam erupted from the ground Hux gasped and woke up. His heart was pounding and he wiped over his face. Rose was sleeping next to him, this time she didn’t wake up.

He looked at her and smiled, resisting the temptation to brush over her dark hair that had a few silver hairs in it.

He sat up and checked his chrono, it was 02:13. Slowly he slipped out of the bed and went as quietly as possible in the kitchen. 

He yawned as the boiled the water for a cup of tea. It had been some time since he had last dreamed about Starkiller, but it was frequent enough.

He heard steps behind him, without looking he knew that it was Khela. “Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you.”

“No problem, couldn’t sleep. Not really.”

He turned to face the 14 year old teenager. “Want to talk about it?”

“Just a big test tomorrow in school. You know that stuff like this makes me antsy. What about you? Another nightmare?”

“Yes, in a way. Do you want a cup of tea?”

“Nope, it’s too late. What is it with these nightmares anyway? What are they about?”

He looked at her, he thought about his answer. One day he had to tell her, but not today. Just a little bit longer. “Stuff from the war.”

She craned her head like she always did when she was thinking. “That reminds me, I wanted to read the diary of my other mom yesterday but I couldn’t find it. Do you know where it is?”

“I think it’s in the living room with the other pads. You might have to recharge it though.” He put tea leaves into the tea egg.

He heard footsteps recede, then she came back. He turned and stirred his tea. She tried to activate the pad, with a sigh she put it into the charging station on the wall. 

“Why the sudden interest in the old diaries?” Hux asked.

She shrugged. “I was with Atoye today, he has to do this history project about the war. I thought he would like some source material - his relatives weren’t in the war.”

“I see.” He took the tea egg out.

“Perhaps he could do an interview with you guys - teachers always love interviews, stars know why.”

“He should interview Rose, after all she was right there with General Organa.”

She sat on the counter next to him and let her feet dangle. “Why don’t you like to talk about the war?”

He pressed his lips together.

“I-” he began. What would she say? Nothing of course, there was nothing to say. Perhaps she would even refuse to speak to him after she knew. “I did things I’m not proud of.”

“I gathered as much through the years. You get all clammed up as soon as someone mentions the war - unless it’s mom of course. You get all misty-eyed, it’s gross.”

He smiled sadly but didn’t say anything.

“Well, I’m off to bed. Got a test to write tomorrow.” She jumped off the counter and headed up the stairs.

Hux stared into his tea. He had to talk to Rose about it, she knew what to do, how to tell her.

“It’s your decision,” Rose said in the morning. She yawned and stretched.

“I don’t want to tell her at all to be honest,” he said and sat up in bed. “It will upset her-”

“-and you.”

“Of course, I’m afraid that she will despise me.”

She pulled him into a kiss. “I know. That’s the reason why you didn’t want her to call you ‘dad’ all these years, isn’t it?”

“It didn’t seem appropriate.”

She sighed. “I told you before: You raised her as much as I did. But if you don’t feel comfortable-”

“I don’t.”

“Okay, we have been over this often enough. You asked for my advice - tell her before she finds out some other way.”

He kneaded his hands. “I will. I just need a good opportunity.”

“That’s what you have been saying the last couple of years.”

He got up. “Do you want breakfast? I’m in the mood for oatmeal.”

She threw a pillow at him and laughed. “You’re horrible - oatmeal is the most disgusting breakfast meal ever invented.”

He gave her a peck and smiled. “And here I thought I could wear you down after a couple of years.”

He ran his hand through his hair and went into the kitchen. Khela was already there, chewing on a piece of bread with her eyes closed, she was still wearing her pyjama. She looked like she was still sleeping.

He made a cup of caf and put it in front of her. She hated talking in the morning and so she just silently took a gulp. He busied himself with fixing a bowl of oatmeal and sat down across from her.

The right moment would come, he thought.

A couple of nights later he woke up soaked in sweat. He reached up to his neck to make sure that there was no meaty hand and exhaled. He got up quietly and was on his way to the refresher when he heard a creak, he froze and listened. There were very silent noises, but there was no doubt in his mind that someone was in the house, creeping around. He was almost next to the kitchen and decided to act before the intruders discovered that they had been noticed. 

He waited for a couple of seconds until his eyes had adjusted to the darkness, then he silently walked into the kitchen and took a small fruit knife that was laying next to the bowl of apples.

He could hear whispers. Were they looking for him? Yes, common burglars were unlikely. It had to be someone looking for revenge.

He stood still when he heard the whispers approaching, his grip around the handle of the knife became firm. With some smooth movement he grabbed one of the individuals and took them into a chokehold. With long practiced ease he put the blade to their throat. “What do you want here?” he asked in an icy voice.

A gasp from the darkness diverted his attention to the other individual. It was an oddly familiar sound.

“Please, don’t kill me,” whimpered the one he was holding.

The other one lunged forward and grabbed his arm. “Armitage, stop!”

The moment he recognized Khela’s voice he let his captive go. The boy fell down on the floor. Hux narrowed his eyes, still holding the knife in his hand.

Khela stared at him, there was something in her eyes he hadn’t seen before. It was a familiar sight, from a long time ago. It was fear.

He took a step back and lowered the knife, guilt piercing his heart.

“Atoye, are you alright?” Khela asked and crouched down.

“Kriff, your dad almost gave me a heart attack,” stammered the boy. 

The first impulse was to tell him that he wasn’t Khelas father, but it seemed inappropriate to comment on that. Instead he cleared his throat. “I apologize, I thought that you were an intruder... creeping around the house.”

“You could have checked first before you go all- all psycho on him,” hissed Khela. “Stars, we were only fooling around.”

He narrowed his eyes again. “Fooling around?”

It was too dim to see if Khela blushed but she averted her gaze. “Stars, we just talked.”

In this moment Rose appeared, she put her hands on her hips. “What is going on?”

Khela crossed her arms. “Nothing.”

“Really?”

“Okay, fine! I invited Atoye over, it was already late so we tried to be quiet. Armitage surprised us and grabbed Atoye.”

Rose’s sight dropped on the knife in his hand. “Please put that away.” Then she turned to Atoye while Hux put the knife back in the kitchen. “Are you alright?”

The boy nodded. “Yeah, I’m sorry, Mrs. Tico.”

Rose smiled. “We are sorry. Perhaps it’s best if you go home now.”

Atoye said his good-byes and left. Khela gave Hux a strange look and went back upstairs.

Hux hugged Rose. “I’m sorry, Rose. I- I didn’t mean to threaten him. I thought-”

“It’s alright. Come on, let’s go back to bed too.”

The next day Hux could barely focus on his work. This thoughts returned to the look in Khela’s eyes. He had to tell her.

His legs felt heavy as he climbed the stairs in the late afternoon. Just when he was about to knock on Khela’s door he could hear a faint voice. 

“... lies to the Galaxy ... fierce machine…”

He could feel all colour drain from his face as he recognized his own voice. His heart pounded and without thinking he knocked loudly against the door. He was too late, but he didn’t want her to see the end of the recording, at least not that.

The voice stopped and he could hear Khela’s footsteps. The door slid open, revealing a very pale teenager.

For a few moments neither of them spoke. 

“Can I come in?” asked Hux in a low voice.

She gulped and stepped aside. He entered and saw a younger version of himself frozen on the holo. He was wearing the black First Order uniform. His face was twisted in anger, teeth gritted.

Khela sat down on her chair and turned her eyes to the holo. “Mom knows, doesn’t she?”

He clasped his hands behind his back in an attempt to regain some shred of self-control. “Yes, she does.”

“I kind of always thought that you were with the Resistance. Never for one second had I thought… but the way you grabbed Atoye, the way you held that knife. There was this coldness about you and it made me wonder.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?” she asked, her eyes were moist. “For all the people the First Order killed?”

“I regret a lot of things in my life. One of them was not to tell you the truth about me. But I was too much of a coward, I was scared that you would-” he broke off. “I love you and I was scared that you would hate me.”

A single tear run down Khela’s cheek. “Love me? It that why you told me over and over again not to call you ‘dad’? Bullshit!”

Her words pierced his heart. He gulped. “Your parents, they fought against the Order, they died for the cause - it would have been indecent to let you call me that.”

She clenched her hands to fists. “Did you-”

“I didn’t participate in the fight where they died,” he said quickly. “But it makes me no less responsible. I planned a number of operations and designed weapons.”

She looked away from him and wiped over her face. “I read about Starkiller.”

“I was misguided back then. I really thought it would end the war - but it doesn’t matter what I thought, it doesn’t make me any less guilty.”

“Do you dream about it?”

“The nightmares? Yes, I can still hear the rumbling beneath my feet, feel the heat on my face. Smell the stench of burnt wood. Sometimes I also dream about Crait, or the way I rose through the ranks of the Order.”

“What do you mean?” she asked in a quiet voice.

“I killed my rivals before they could kill me, I really thought that’s how the Galaxy worked. I only realised how twisted I was when I was taken captive by the Resistance.” He smiled joylessly. “I didn’t know that there were people who actually cared about each other.”

“This is all so surreal, seeing you in the holo. It almost feels like this isn’t you.”

“I changed. It wasn’t easy, getting rid of most of the baggage.” He sat down on her bed. “Took me long enough. And seeing as I didn’t hesitate to draw a knife the other night… well, it’s still a long road to go.”

Khela didn’t say anything, instead she turned to face the holo.

“If you like we can watch it together,” he said. His mouth felt dry. “Or you can ask me to leave.”

She pressed her lips together and activated the holo.

“... built, upon which we stand, will bring an end to the Senate! To their cherished fleet! All remaining systems will bow to the First Order! And will remember this... as the last day of the Republic!”

The holo feed cut to the gigantic beam erupting from the planet. Khela deactivated the holo and turned to face him. “Did you feel bad back then?”

He thought about it for a moment. “I felt uneasy, excited perhaps but I didn’t think of the victims when I gave the order to fire the weapon. It- it was projected to me, a way to prove that I deserve to be at the top of the First Order.”

She looked down on her hands, blinking.

“I’m aware that there is nothing I could ever do to make up for my crimes, the dead won’t suddenly become alive, the bereaved will still be robbed of their loved ones. There are mistakes that can never be corrected.”

“But Mom still believed in you.”

He nodded. “She told me that I could be more than I was. And the way she looked at me back then… Truth be told, I still don’t understand what she saw in me. She is so brilliant, so compassionate, so _good_.”

“So you changed out of love?”

He sighed. “I changed because I learned that being kind isn’t a weakness. Hate is such an odd feeling, it makes you hollow. You think that you are strong, that you are more cunning than the rest of the Galaxy - that you know the cold hard truth about life. But you’re just… immature, frightened and cowardly.”

Khela frowned. “Immature? How can blowing up planets be immature?”

He thought about it. “My choice of words was off. What I tried to conviene that this sense of being threatened by other people and their way of life, this- this senseless destruction reminds me of when I was a young cadet. I had this urge to stomp on everything and everyone that was beneath me. I was hurt, scared and alone. Being cruel to others gave me a sense of power because they had to see me, look at me. I wasn’t invisible anymore.”

Khela hugged her knees. “You mean to tell me that you became a mass-murderer because you were a lone kid? That’s bullshit.”

He shook his head. “No, that’s not what I mean. I’m just trying to describe a feeling. And you’re right, it would be bullshit if I would seriously try to blame my deeds on the way I was treated. I mean… look at Finn, he was trained to kill from very early childhood and still he refused to do it. Because that’s who he is.”

“That’s true. Despite all the odds he became a Resistance fighter. Why couldn’t you?”

“I don’t know why I didn’t see it how he did. Perhaps I was lacking a moral compass, or perhaps- no, I don’t want to guess. I don’t know. Even after all these years I don’t know.” He grimaced. “Poe said a couple of Lifedays ago it’s because he is the better man, I guess that’s right.”

“I once asked mom why there were so many people that didn’t help the Resistance, I mean… if all the planets had just stood together they would have defeated the Order. She said that’s because not everybody is stupid enough to go against these odds, and I thought what she really meant to say was that not every is cut out to be a hero.”

He smiled. “She is right of course. She always is.”

“That means she was also right to believe in you,” said Khela with a crooked eyebrow.

That caught him off-guard. “No, no- that’s not what I meant.” He sighed. “It seems you have inherited her sharp wit.”

“And your analytical mind.”

His looked at her and blinked. Did that mean that she didn’t hate him?

Khela got up and sat down next to him on the bed. “Honestly I don’t know what to think. This whole situation is kriffed up - I mean, what am I supposed to do now? Should I yell at you? Tell you to go away? Or tell you that everything is okay? All of it seems wrong.”

“I’m sorry that you have to put up with it in the first place.”

“Yeah, it sucks. And I have to process it on my own - I mean, what if Atoye finds out? What am I supposed to say?”

They sat next to each other for a few moments without talking.

“But you’re still the guy who raised me. You went with me to the zoo back when I was little, you taught me about basic programming and you’re driving me mad with your stupid rules about when I should be home.”

She leaned her head on his shoulder. “You are still my dad.”

He would feel the sting of tears in his eyes and put his head down on hers.

That evening he snuggled up to Rose and held her tight. He loved spooning with her, inhaling her smell, burying his face in her soft hair.

“What’s the matter?” she asked. “Is it about Khela finding out?”

“In a way. Sometimes I’m reminded how frail everything is. That one day I’ll wake up and… realise that I’m still a monster.” He sighed. “I guess sometimes I get a little scared that it will end.”

She wiggled out of his embrace, turned and gave him a peck on his mouth. “You’re stuck with me until the end.”

He smiled and returned the kiss.

“How about you play for me?” she asked with a smile.

He chuckled. “Again?”

“Hey, I sang to you countless times - I admit mostly popular huttese songs but still. You owe me.”

He sighed and got up. He took his cello and bow and sat down on the small stool next to the bed. He straightened his back and inhaled.

He took a moment to focus and [started to play](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6ILKMcNY5o&list=PLFCC380B98311BF95&index=156&t=0s). He began slowly as always, but soon he got into the flow and reached a crescendo. She lay on the bed and watched him. There was a glint in her eye, she liked listening to him - especially when he was half-naked and when strands of his hair hung in his face like now.

After he had ended she got up and took his cello away, then sat down in his lap. She took his hand and kissed it. “Have I mentioned that I love hearing you play?”

He put the bow away and pulled her closer to him. “You have. And if I ever get carpal tunnel syndrome, it’s your fault.”

“Then we’re finally putting the med droid you updated to good use.” She ran her hand through his hair. “Such a handsome man, and he’s all mine.” She pulled him into a kiss.

He closed his eyes and enjoyed her warmth. 

“I love you, Armitage,” she whispered against his mouth.

“I love you, Rose.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thousand thanks to the lovely [Spiegatrix ](https://spiegatrixlestrange.tumblr.com/) for drawing this wonderful Cover art of my fic!
> 
> I hope you liked the story (it was a little self-indulgent I admit)! Thank you for your kudos and comments! For me it was certainly very interesting to write a Gingerrose story in this setting, but I have to admit that I kind of feel that I couldn't pull it off. So perhaps I'll return to write simpler stories in the future.
> 
> Again, thank you all for your support and have a nice day :D


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